The question of “why would a person even want domestic discipline?” has been asked many times, both by people who don’t understand domestic discipline, are against it, or who were just approached with the idea from their spouse and cannot fathom why they would ever ask for such a thing. I’ve even heard it questioned by people within the lifestyle themselves- “Why do I want this?” is seen floating around the forums, blogland, and more from time to time.
To help shed some light on these questions, our post two weeks ago was called “Why Would a Man Want Domestic Discipline?” and Clint made some great points- it provides a “means to an end”, it helps communication, and so on. Today we’re going to look at this topic from the other side of the coin. Why would a woman want something like this in her relationship? Some people may be surprised to hear that a significant majority of the time women are the ones who approach their partners with domestic discipline. But why would they do such a thing? What benefits do they see in this lifestyle? That’s what we’re about to explore.
Note: This post is written from the submissive partner perspective. It doesn’t necessarily apply to other domestic discipline dynamics such as the FLR/WLM dynamic, however, it could easily be modified to do so.
Before we get started though, I want to make it clear that this post is just my opinion. I completely understand that domestic discipline is not a “one size fits all” type of lifestyle. So, these are just my thoughts behind why a woman would want domestic discipline. Ok, now we can get to the good stuff..
When I first heard about domestic discipline, I asked myself this very question. Why would a girl want this lifestyle? Why would she want to subject herself to rules and consequences? Many of you already know the story of how we began domestic discipline, and you know that it included both Clint and I being pretty “anti-DD” at first. I just couldn’t rap my head around the idea that a woman would ever go for something like this (especially in today’s society), much less usually be the one who asks for it.
As time went on, and we eventually started practicing the lifestyle ourselves, it became evident to me why a woman would want domestic discipline. We then became more active in the community, made a lot of friends in blogland, started the forums, and more. These avenues allowed me to get to know several other domestic discipline couples who I was surprised to hear felt the same way I did about why they want this lifestyle. It helped me to realize that I wasn’t alone in this, or crazy for wanting to keep it a part of our relationship.
So, what are these magical reasons that a woman would want domestic discipline? Here are a few..
- It makes women feel more loved. Seriously, I know to some of you that sounds crazy, but it does. Ask just about any woman in a domestic discipline relationship and they will likely tell you that this is one of the big reasons they like the lifestyle. It increases the connection that two people have. For me, personally, it has allowed me to look at my husband in a different light- as someone who is a leader, protective, and who cares a lot about our marriage, and our family. These things, and more, make me love him even more than before we began incorporating this into our relationship.
- It releases guilt. Statistically, women hold more guilt over things than men do. However, I’ve found that domestic discipline helps to release those feelings of guilt significantly faster than if we didn’t have this as a part of our marriage. As my husband put it, it creates a “means to an end” and there is closure at the end of every offense. No hanging it over each others heads, or constantly harping on it, which can make a person feel worse, or more guilty. Domestic discipline helps to alleviate those feelings all together, or drastically reduce them.
- Believe it or not, most women want accountability. This is often a big driving force in what leads a woman to ask her partner to try domestic discipline. Being held accountable has several benefits, such as:
- It helps to relieve stress.
- It helps with not feeling as guilty (as mentioned above).
- It provides structure.
- It makes life, and the relationship, less chaotic.
- Women tend to like when their partner takes charge. Not all women, of course. But, within the domestic discipline lifestyle this seems to be a common denominator. The feeling of having your partner lead, instead of you, is often a stress reliever for a lot of women. Some even consider this to be a turn on in their relationship. For me, personally, it’s not only less stressful when my husband takes charge of situations because it puts less pressure on me, but it also helps to bring us closer together.
- It creates a happier home. Simple enough. Less arguments, less tension, less fighting, less conflict = a happier home environment, and a happier relationship.
These are just a few of the reasons why some women want domestic discipline in their relationship. Other reasons can include that they believe in a traditional/old fashioned marriage principles, they want the emotional connection that domestic discipline can bring, and more.
If you’re considering domestic discipline in your relationship, or if you’re a man and your partner recently approached you with domestic discipline, I hope that this helps you to understand a little more about the reasons behind why one would choose to practice this lifestyle.