If you were to take a little journey throughout the domestic discipline blogging community and ask the writers of each blog who introduced/wanted the DD dynamic in their relationships, you’d likely find that the submissive partner is most often the initiator. If you went a step beyond that and asked just those in the traditional dynamic of domestic discipline (male HoH, female submissive partner), you’d probably find an even higher percentage of those women were the initiators of domestic discipline.
I (Clint) can’t speak as to why that is. Not thoroughly, anyway. I have a very good idea why, but I can’t say with 100% certainty because I’m not the submissive partner in my marriage. I also was not the one to put the domestic discipline plan in motion for my relationship. In the beginning, it was my wife (girlfriend at the time) that really pushed for us to give this lifestyle a chance.
What I can say, however, is that a lot of women want this type of relationship.
How do I know that? Well, because I’ve talked to a lot of domestic discipline couples in my day, and just about every one of the women I’ve asked this question to say they were the ones that wanted this lifestyle from the start. Also, the majority of our readers are women. For every one man that reads this blog, there are three women that do.
Clearly some women want this lifestyle (and want to continue living it). Why they want it may be an article for my wife to write sometime down the road, but, since I’m the head of the household in my marriage, I’m going to write about why a man would want domestic discipline. More specifically, why I want domestic discipline in my marriage.
I can’t speak for every male head of the household in a DD relationship (nor do I want to), so I’m going to write this from my own personal perspective/point of view. I hope it’s obvious to readers by now that my wife and I are in a traditional domestic discipline marriage (male HoH, female submissive partner), but for those that may be visiting for the first time, that’s how our marriage works. I’m the head of the house, my wife Chelsea is the submissive partner.
So why do I want domestic discipline to continue being a part of my marriage? There are a few reasons.
The biggest reason I love having domestic discipline in my marriage is that it brings structure and organization to it.
“Flying by the seat of my pants” doesn’t work for me. I need a plan. I need organization. I need clear expectations of both myself, and my wife. It’s so much easier for me when things operate like that. Spontaneity has it’s place and time, but I prefer to know what to expect in any given day/week/month. I don’t like the chaos of an “unorganized” relationship (and I’ve had those before, prior to meeting my wife), and domestic discipline just settles all of that “noise” down for me. So that’s number one.
The second reason I want to continue living the domestic discipline lifestyle is because it provides a means to an end when it comes to disagreements or mistakes in my marriage.
If my wife and I have a disagreement, or if one of us breaks one of our rules, domestic discipline provides an “ending point” for us. Negative tension in the air (I call it “funk” in the air, lol) doesn’t linger for days. Nothing is left unresolved. Nothing is given the time to “blow over.” No mistakes are used as a weapons and held over either one of our heads. We have options in domestic discipline, be them punishments or otherwise, to put issues like that behind us in a hurry. I love that about this lifestyle.
Third, domestic discipline keeps my wife and I communicating effectively, and it keeps that “spark” alive in our marriage.
I hear all the time about couples losing that “spark.” They’ll be in the newlywed phase where that “spark” is alive and burning strong like a bonfire on steroids, then after a couple of years that raging bonfire fizzles into nothing more than a furnace pilot light. That isn’t us. I love my wife more now than I did 6+ years ago when we first started domestic discipline. There’s nobody I’d rather be around than her. And that’s all the time, not just some of the time. She’s still my bestest buddy and always will be. Domestic discipline keeps that bond, and that “spark”, as strong as ever for us.
Fourth, it makes me a better man.
It definitely, without a doubt, does that for me. Oh yes, I can just hear the naysayers now…
“But Clint, you spank your wife! What kind of a man would ever do such a thing?! You’re the most horrible piece of human trash on this earth and I hope your wife leaves you and I hope you rot in prison and blah, blah, freakin’ blah!! ABUSEEEE!!!!”
Yeah, I’ve heard all of that unoriginal nonsense from people before.
But domestic discipline does make me a better man, and here’s why:
- It basically forces me to take initiative and get things done. Rather than sitting around, waiting for things to happen (like I used to do pre-DD), I make things happen instead. In fact, things don’t happen unless I make sure they do. Domestic discipline keeps that fire lit under my you-know-what to make sure things get done around here.
- It makes me appreciate my wife more. I compliment her more often than I did pre-DD. I thank her more often than I did pre-DD. I acknowledge her hard work more often. You get the idea. I’m a better man, and husband, because domestic discipline puts more focus and attention on my marriage/wife.
- Domestic discipline gives me confidence. I feel like a leader in my home. I feel like my thoughts/opinions/choices matter. I feel like I’m important. I feel respected and loved. My wife lives to make me and our kids happy. All of those things give me the confidence I need to be a good man.
- Domestic discipline makes me set a good example for my wife and kids. This lifestyle forces me to see the faults in myself and correct them. It just makes me a better person. I don’t know how else to say it. Being a better person makes me a better husband and father. It makes me a better man.
So there you go. That’s why I want domestic discipline to continue being a part of my marriage. There’s a candid look into why I live like this, and why I go to great lengths to help others start, or continue living, the domestic discipline lifestyle. I can’t imagine my marriage without it. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. I only wish Chels and I had started it sooner.
Anyway, so why would a man want domestic discipline? Well, I’ve given the reasons why I want it, but again, I can’t speak for every man. I also can’t speak for male submissive partners. That sounds like a good Saturday Stories idea, actually. Any male submissive partners out there that want to share why they want to be a submissive partner in a domestic discipline relationship? If so, shoot us an email. We’d be interested in reading that.
I know domestic discipline isn’t for everyone. I’ve said that so many times now that I’m downright tired of saying it. But I’ve also said numerous times that this lifestyle does so much for a relationship if done correctly. A lot of the points I made in this article are felt from actually living the lifestyle. You just have to feel it and experience it for yourself. That’s all there is to it. I’m not trying to talk anyone into doing something they don’t want to do, but my goodness, it sure feels to me that you’re missing out on something special with your partner if you don’t so much as think about it, at the very least.