Why would a man want Domestic Discipline?

If you were to take a little journey throughout the domestic discipline blogging community and ask the writers of each blog who introduced/wanted the DD dynamic in their relationships, you’d likely find that the submissive partner is most often the initiator. If you went a step beyond that and asked just those in the traditional dynamic of domestic discipline (male HoH, female submissive partner), you’d probably find an even higher percentage of those women were the initiators of domestic discipline.

I (Clint) can’t speak as to why that is. Not thoroughly, anyway. I have a very good idea why, but I can’t say with 100% certainty because I’m not the submissive partner in my marriage. I also was not the one to put the domestic discipline plan in motion for my relationship. In the beginning, it was my wife (girlfriend at the time) that really pushed for us to give this lifestyle a chance.

What I can say, however, is that a lot of women want this type of relationship.

How do I know that? Well, because I’ve talked to a lot of domestic discipline couples in my day, and just about every one of the women I’ve asked this question to say they were the ones that wanted this lifestyle from the start. Also, the majority of our readers are women. For every one man that reads this blog, there are three women that do.

Clearly some women want this lifestyle (and want to continue living it). Why they want it may be an article for my wife to write sometime down the road, but, since I’m the head of the household in my marriage, I’m going to write about why a man would want domestic discipline. More specifically, why I want domestic discipline in my marriage.

I can’t speak for every male head of the household in a DD relationship (nor do I want to), so I’m going to write this from my own personal perspective/point of view. I hope it’s obvious to readers by now that my wife and I are in a traditional domestic discipline marriage (male HoH, female submissive partner), but for those that may be visiting for the first time, that’s how our marriage works. I’m the head of the house, my wife Chelsea is the submissive partner.

So why do I want domestic discipline to continue being a part of my marriage? There are a few reasons.

The biggest reason I love having domestic discipline in my marriage is that it brings structure and organization to it.

“Flying by the seat of my pants” doesn’t work for me. I need a plan. I need organization. I need clear expectations of both myself, and my wife. It’s so much easier for me when things operate like that. Spontaneity has it’s place and time, but I prefer to know what to expect in any given day/week/month. I don’t like the chaos of an “unorganized” relationship (and I’ve had those before, prior to meeting my wife), and domestic discipline just settles all of that “noise” down for me. So that’s number one.

The second reason I want to continue living the domestic discipline lifestyle is because it provides a means to an end when it comes to disagreements or mistakes in my marriage.

If my wife and I have a disagreement, or if one of us breaks one of our rules, domestic discipline provides an “ending point” for us. Negative tension in the air (I call it “funk” in the air, lol) doesn’t linger for days. Nothing is left unresolved. Nothing is given the time to “blow over.” No mistakes are used as a weapons and held over either one of our heads. We have options in domestic discipline, be them punishments or otherwise, to put issues like that behind us in a hurry. I love that about this lifestyle.

Third, domestic discipline keeps my wife and I communicating effectively, and it keeps that “spark” alive in our marriage.

I hear all the time about couples losing that “spark.” They’ll be in the newlywed phase where that “spark” is alive and burning strong like a bonfire on steroids, then after a couple of years that raging bonfire fizzles into nothing more than a furnace pilot light. That isn’t us. I love my wife more now than I did 6+ years ago when we first started domestic discipline. There’s nobody I’d rather be around than her. And that’s all the time, not just some of the time. She’s still my bestest buddy and always will be. Domestic discipline keeps that bond, and that “spark”, as strong as ever for us.

Fourth, it makes me a better man.

It definitely, without a doubt, does that for me. Oh yes, I can just hear the naysayers now…

But Clint, you spank your wife! What kind of a man would ever do such a thing?! You’re the most horrible piece of human trash on this earth and I hope your wife leaves you and I hope you rot in prison and blah, blah, freakin’ blah!! ABUSEEEE!!!!

Yeah, I’ve heard all of that unoriginal nonsense from people before.

But domestic discipline does make me a better man, and here’s why:

  • It basically forces me to take initiative and get things done. Rather than sitting around, waiting for things to happen (like I used to do pre-DD), I make things happen instead. In fact, things don’t happen unless I make sure they do. Domestic discipline keeps that fire lit under my you-know-what to make sure things get done around here.
  • It makes me appreciate my wife more. I compliment her more often than I did pre-DD. I thank her more often than I did pre-DD. I acknowledge her hard work more often. You get the idea. I’m a better man, and husband, because domestic discipline puts more focus and attention on my marriage/wife.
  • Domestic discipline gives me confidence. I feel like a leader in my home. I feel like my thoughts/opinions/choices matter. I feel like I’m important. I feel respected and loved. My wife lives to make me and our kids happy. All of those things give me the confidence I need to be a good man.
  • Domestic discipline makes me set a good example for my wife and kids. This lifestyle forces me to see the faults in myself and correct them. It just makes me a better person. I don’t know how else to say it. Being a better person makes me a better husband and father. It makes me a better man.

So there you go. That’s why I want domestic discipline to continue being a part of my marriage. There’s a candid look into why I live like this, and why I go to great lengths to help others start, or continue living, the domestic discipline lifestyle. I can’t imagine my marriage without it. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. I only wish Chels and I had started it sooner.

Anyway, so why would a man want domestic discipline? Well, I’ve given the reasons why I want it, but again, I can’t speak for every man. I also can’t speak for male submissive partners. That sounds like a good Saturday Stories idea, actually. Any male submissive partners out there that want to share why they want to be a submissive partner in a domestic discipline relationship? If so, shoot us an email. We’d be interested in reading that.

I know domestic discipline isn’t for everyone. I’ve said that so many times now that I’m downright tired of saying it. But I’ve also said numerous times that this lifestyle does so much for a relationship if done correctly. A lot of the points I made in this article are felt from actually living the lifestyle. You just have to feel it and experience it for yourself. That’s all there is to it. I’m not trying to talk anyone into doing something they don’t want to do, but my goodness, it sure feels to me that you’re missing out on something special with your partner if you don’t so much as think about it, at the very least.

6 thoughts on “Why would a man want Domestic Discipline?

  1. As far as who started the DD lifestyle it 100% was my husband. I really believe he was 20ish and I was 17. I was a Jr in high school and got married a couple months after I graduated. We went to the fair when he really thought I had spoken to a booth person rudely. He made us leave right away, told me why we were leaving and spanked me as soon as we got in the door. After that one time I really thought it would be a once in a lifetime thing. Over the next couple of yrs it was maybe a once in a while thing. But after a couple years of being married it became a common occurrence. We are still happily married and 5 children later best friends. I’m a kind of a big mouth so for me that is the most common reason for punishment.

  2. Me and my HOH we’re both wanting this lifestyle but didn’t know how the other felt about it. We knew something felt wrong and we needed to fix it. I found a article on Facebook and read it to him and his response was not what I was expecting. I was prepared to hear no a few times as the article said might happen but instead I heard “I’ve been wanting this too and wasn’t sure how to bring it up to you without thinking you might get upset” and we just felt that GOD led us to live this lifestyle without shame from each other and 100% acceptance of the lifestyle feom each other. It has truly changed our marriage. And OMG yes the spark is a roaring fire now. We have been married for 10 1/2 yes so we are not newly Weds. I truly recommend this lifestyle to anyone thinking about it. But know that the road is a tough one. It isn’t always easy for me to keep my mouth shut and it wasn’t easy for him to take on all the responsibility that I once didn’t want to hand over but we are working through it and it’s definitely made us both change for the better.

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