When to Stop Spanking

  Knowing when to stop a punishment spanking is sometimes difficult to determine, particularly when first starting out with the domestic discipline lifestyle.  If a spanking is ended prematurely, one (or both) partners may be left feeling unfulfilled by it.  When this happens, often times the corrective message doesn’t get through to the submissive partner, essentially meaning the spanking was “incomplete”, and therefore ineffective.


  An incomplete spanking will yield modest long term results at best, which can naturally be frustrating for both partners.  As such, it’s important the spanking be long/hard enough to ensure the message is received, and thus the behavior corrected.  Spanking a second time for the same offense, at close intervals, is something no domestic discipline couple wants to go through (at least we hope and assume that’s the case).

  On the other hand, it’s equally important that the punishment spanking isn’t too long/hard.  An excessive spanking presents a myriad of problems, most notably potential bruising of the submissive partner.  It can also lead to feelings of resentment and/or anger towards the head of the household.  An excessive spanking may challenge the trust between a couple as well, which naturally can shake the entire foundation of the relationship.  An excessive spanking is never a good thing.

  A punishment spanking needs to be hard enough that it sends a clear message, yet not so hard that it puts the submissive partner’s safety at risk.  How does the head of the household find that balance?  How does the head of the household know when to finish the spanking?  How does the head of the household know when the lesson is learned?

  It’s difficult to answer these questions with any definitive clarity since, as we all know, everyone will respond differently to punishment spankings.  There’s no generic or specific answer to these questions.  The answer will vary from couple to couple.  There are, however, a couple of indicators that cue the head of the household as to when the spanking has served its purpose.

  The strongest indicator is the attitude of the submissive partner during the spanking.  Their attitude needs to get to the point where they’re apologetic and genuinely remorseful for their actions/behavior.  ”Wait, wait, wait…let’s talk about this some more!” “That’s too hard!” “Stop spanking me!” “I’m sorry! Geez!” “Okay I think that’s enough!” — All of these things are the wrong attitude, and indicate the message has not been received.  ”I’m sorry…I’m sorry…” “Yes, yes…I understand…” “I won’t do it again…” — All of these things indicated a changed attitude, and a correct attitude.  The message has gotten through.

  Another indicator, although not as strong of an indicator as the submissive partner’s attitude, is the color/redness of the bottom.  It would be wonderful to illustrate this with pictures, but we can’t find any that we feel are appropriate to put on the blog, so we’ll do our best to explain it in words.

  Generally speaking, if the bottom has a pink shade, or a light red shade after the spanking, the spanking was too light.  Generally speaking, if the bottom has any other color than pink/red, the spanking was done too hard (purple, brown, black, et. al.)  After a punishment spanking, the ideal color of the bottom is a bright, intense shade of red.  Bright redness indicates that the spanking was done at the correct strength, for the correct amount of time.

  We italicized and underlined “generally speaking” since every submissive partner will respond differently to varying intensities of spanking.  Also, various medical conditions (such as anemia) can contribute to discoloration of the buttocks from a spanking.  Some people bruise more easily than others.  All of these things need to be taken into consideration when determining when to stop spanking.  Once again, attitude is a better indicator of a spanking’s effectiveness than redness due in large part to variables such as these.  

  Both of these indicators are during the punishment spanking.  There are also cues that come after the spanking that can help the head of the household determine whether or not the message got through to the submissive partner.

  The strongest indicator after the spanking is submissiveness (for lack of a better word).  The attitude once again needs to be apologetic and remorseful, but submissiveness goes a step beyond that.  Once the couple is back to their regular routine (after the comforting), the submissive partner should be in a very submissive/compliant state of mind.  There shouldn’t be any attitude, backtalk, disrespect, etc. whatsoever, but rather heightened attention to the head of the household and an eagerness to comply with and follow the rules.  There should also be calmness exuding from their overall demeanor and body language.

  If any kind of defiant response/behavior (like second guessing/questioning the head of the household in a confrontational manner, failing to listen/follow direction, complete lack of remorse, etc.) is displayed by the submissive partner after the spanking, then the spanking was too light.  If there’s ANY kind of attitude at all, the spanking was too light.

  On the other side of the token, if the submissive partner is timid around the head of the household, lacking overall confidence, and being unusually quiet, then the spanking was done too hard.  If they’re genuinely scared of upsetting or annoying the HoH, the spanking was done too hard.

  Finding the right balance between spanking too soft and spanking too hard isn’t always easy to do, but it’s very important for the reasons mentioned at the beginning of this article.  It is our hope that these outlined indicators/cues help the head of the household in your relationship determine whether or not they need to adjust the way they spank in order to improve overall effectiveness.  

  As always, we encourage you to offer your thoughts/opinions in the comment section below.

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