What to do when your partner won’t read about Domestic Discipline?

Let’s face it – domestic discipline can be overwhelming. On the surface it may seem simple, but the further you dive into the more you realize that there is more information to know than you originally thought. We receive quite a few questions from readers that have to do deal with the topic of how to get their partner to read and research domestic discipline similarly to how they have. The reasons for a partner wanting their other half to read up on domestic discipline can vary, but the most common reason that we see is when one partner (usually the submissive) has identified a problem within their domestic discipline dynamic (example: inconsistency) and they want their partner (usually the HOH) to take charge and research/read up on how to fix it without the submissive partner having to essentially guide them along the way. This is just one example of many, but it is a dilemma that domestic discipline couples often face.

So, we have put together the suggestions below to hopefully help those facing a similar struggle.

  1. Simplify the information. This is something that we’ve tried to do here on the blog for you, but it becomes challenging when there is so much for us to cover. One thing we have found though is that a lot of times the amount of information can become overwhelming to people (especially HOH’s, for some reason). Therefore, we recommend you simplify the information down (think of it like taking notes on the entries that you want your partner to read) and then give the “watered down version” to your partner. Often times reading a few bullet points of information is easier for them than reading 15 blog entries on one topic.
  2. Deal with one topic at a time. Identify what exactly it is that you’d like your partner to learn about domestic discipline (for example: the topic of beginning domestic discipline is really broad, but something like setting a rule list is more specific and easier to jot down information on) and then simplify the information (using the tips above) based on that specific topic. Then, once your partner has read over those few bits of information on that topic, move onto the next one.
  3. Identify the reasoning. As we often say, it is significantly easier to solve a problem if you’re able to identify why it is occurring. Sit down with your partner and have a discussion about what it is, specifically, that is causing them to not want to read up on domestic discipline. This could be something simple, such as they just didn’t realize it was important to you and vow to make more of an effort, or it could be something such as they don’t have a lot of time, they don’t know where to go to look for the information, they feel they already know the information, or they just simply don’t want to. Whatever the reasoning, after you identify it is it easier to find a solution.
  4. Consider podcasts. If reading just isn’t an option (even if it is small bits of information here and there) then some people find it helpful to listen to our podcasts instead. These can easily be downloaded onto your smart phone, mp3 player, or burnt onto a disc to listen to in the car. You can also play them directly from your laptop.
  5. Have a conversation instead. This isn’t the preferred option for a lot of people, but sometimes if your partner refuses other options and there is information that you really want them to know you’ll have to sit down and have a conversation with them instead of going the “reading route”. With this option, we recommend researching the topic that you’re wanting your partner to read and accomplishing step 1 on the list (simplifying the information) and then sitting down with him/her and going over the information verbally. It isn’t an ideal option for a lot of people because they want their partner to take the initiative and read/research on their own, but it is an option to get them to hear the information you want them to know. Besides, some people are auditory learners and do better hearing the information (whether from you, a podcast, video, etc.) anyway.
  6. Don’t force the issue. One point that we always make sure to recommend is that you don’t force the issue upon your partner. Continually harping on the question of, “why won’t you read up on how to fix this problem we’re having!?” and badgering them about it is never helpful, and can cause him/her to withdraw and become inconsistent (if not already). We also tend to not recommend the option of randomly leaving information around the house for him/her to read as we feel it is another way of badgering or forcing your partner into receiving information that they may not want, nor may not be ready for. Make it a point to make sure they learn the information on their terms so that it really sticks.

As you might have noticed, almost all of the above solutions do take quite a bit of work on your part. Hey, no one said domestic discipline was easy! But, we’re confident that if you try one or more of the above methods that your partner will, eventually, begin to hear the information you want them to, read it, or receive it in some fashion which will create a happier domestic discipline atmosphere for you both. There’s no doubt it can be frustrating to a couple when it feels like one member is doing all of the “work”, but hang in there – it does get easier and you’re definitely not alone. This is an issue that a lot of domestic discipline couples seem to struggle with, and are able to overcome with a little more work than usual, and a lot of patience.

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