A couple of weeks ago, I (Clint) was having a conversation with a close friend of mine (who practices domestic discipline with his wife) about a variety of different things, when he asked me a question I had never been asked before.
Has Chelsea ever purchased any spanking implements?
It didn’t take me long to inform him that Chelsea has never bought any of our implements. I know my wife pretty well, and I’m confident in saying that she would never do such a thing. In fact, I actually thought it was a silly question and I highly doubted that any submissive partner in the lifestyle would willingly purchase spanking implements without their HoH asking them to do so. My initial thoughts on this were complete assumptions, however, since I had never done any actual research on this before. To be honest with you, it never even crossed my mind.
So, naturally, I wanted to know how common (or uncommon) this was. I posted a thread in the forums asking if any of the submissive partners had purchased any of their spanking implements, and if so, why they did so. Needless to say, my initial assumption was wrong. It was very wrong. Here are a few responses from my thread (all forum members quoted have granted permission to share their responses publicly, and their responses have not been altered or manipulated in any fashion):
I would be one of these woman. We started in Nov, and I brought DD to the table. My HOH has read information and researched, but I have been more to action part of setting it up. We recently purchased the oak paddle featured on Chelsea’s implements blog post. HOH said he was not going for a cane, etc. The paddle was the next thing we decided. I purchased it based on other DD couples using it, and it’s effectiveness post discipline. Also to motivate me to avoid it. In the end, I was not trying to go soft on myself but purchase an implement HOH would be comfortable with and would bring success to our journey. – Mixie (from Laughing at Myself / spankthatmixie.blogspot.com/)
I bought a paddle for a valentines day gift for my H. I guess I chose to buy it for a couple of reasons. We have had some issues with consistency and that has led to much frustration. So, my thinking was if I purchased this for him, it might help him with being more consistent. I also wanted to show him my submission.
Well, it has helped with the consistency issues. He loves the paddle, and I, not so much. But I do love the end results. – Pinkcheeks
I have to say that I have bought both paddles for my HoH. He talked about it, but was too shy to do anything about it – so I bought one for his birthday and one for Valentine’s Day and he loved them. Nothing wrong with that – says he! – Jack’s Jill (from Jack and Jill / jillandjackdd.blogspot.dk/)
I bought a paddle (the one Chelsea mentioned on her blog from cane-iac). I guess I did it as a surprise and to let him know I was serious about this. That being said, I HATE that thing and I don’t touch or get anywhere near it. If I can help it of course – Tricia (from Love of My Life, Head of the House / lovemyhoh.blogspot.com/)
These four responses are just the tip of the iceberg. There were several others that came forward admitting that they had purchased implements for their HoH. I was really surprised, quite frankly. The reasons why were what fascinated me the most. As Pinkcheeks said, she did so to help with inconsistency and to show her submission. As Tricia said, she did so to show her HoH how serious she was about domestic discipline. These are very impressive reasons.
Of course, there were others who had a little different perspective.
I have never bought any implement. My husband most likely would not agree with me buying one, I think he would feel that I would be trying to sort of control my punishments or our dynamic. I can understand why other women have, but for us it’s all on him. I think I’d like to keep it that way too! – Kayla
I echo a few other wives. I have not nor will I purchase implements! I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere (near me).
Hubby has a build in implement and believe me, I make every effort to hold it lovingly in my own hands lest it go flying in the general direction of my backside. – Catrinka (from Our Decidedly Different Journey / /ourdecidedlydifferentjourney.blogspot.com/)
I am in the Taylor Swift camp: “never ever ever ever”.
No thanks! My HoH is somewhat of an implement addict. We have a ridiculous number of them…all awful! – Cole (from Marriage Redefined / marriageredefined.blogspot.com/)
And, just in case I wasn’t quite clear on where my wife stood on this, she went ahead and offered her thoughts as well.
I would just like to add that I would never do this. So, don’t get your hopes up babe. – Chelsea
Thanks for clearing that up, dear.
So, self, what did you learn?
Well self, I learned that the number of submissive partners who have purchased implements far outnumber those that have not by quite a large margin. That’s true in the Forum, at least. I only asked this question there, so the answers/responses may be very different if this question were to be asked in other domestic discipline groups/forums.
And what are your thoughts on the idea of the submissive partner purchasing spanking implements, self?
I can see both sides of this, self. I don’t have a strong opinion, or a recommendation, one way or the other. I can see Kayla’s point when she says that she thinks her husband would feel as though she were trying to control things by purchasing implements when those decisions are supposed to be her husband’s to make. I can also see how a wife purchasing an implement would show submissiveness and a deeper acceptance and understanding of their role in their domestic discipline relationship.
If a submissive partner wants to purchase an implement, my only suggestion would be for them to talk with their HoH about doing so first. That would allow the couple to plan for the purchase financially (even if it is a relatively inexpensive purchase), that would eliminate the risk of potentially insulting the HoH, and that would provide both partners with the opportunity to find an implement they both agree on.
With that said, I do think it says a lot when a submissive partner takes the initiative to purchase an implement. It says a lot when a person buys something that they know will cause them discomfort/pain at some p0int down the road. It says they truly want this lifestyle, it says they’re wholeheartedly committed to it, and it says they’re ready and willing to accept (or continue accepting) the consequences to their negative actions and/or behaviors. It says all those things to me, at least. It just reinforces that domestic discipline is right for the relationship, in my opinion.
Speaking strictly personally, I would not be insulted if my wife were to purchase a spanking implement for the reasons I just mentioned in the previous paragraph. Depending on the implement purchased (which could potentially trigger a WHOLE different conversation, but I won’t get into that), I would be quite impressed with the initiative of my wife. It would convey to me a full acceptance of her role as the “submissive” partner in our marriage.
That is NOT to say that my wife struggles with submissiveness, or has not fully accepted her role in our domestic discipline marriage. Quite the contrary. Just because she has never purchased an implement (with no apparent plans to do so anytime soon) doesn’t mean I have ever expected her to do so, or have ever asked her to do so. I’m quite certain that if I asked her to buy an implement, and she could tell I was serious about it, she would
reluctantly do so.
The responses to my forum thread were quite interesting to me, as you can see. I learned a lot from them, which is why I felt compelled to share this on the blog. This is Domestic-Discipline.net after all, and sometimes the one writing the posts is the one learning as well.
Thank you to all who responded to the thread, and thank you to those granting me permission to share their responses publicly.
I’d love to hear more feedback on this. If you’d like to share your story, or if you’d like to share your thoughts on the submissive partner purchasing implements in a domestic discipline relationship/marriage, I’d love to hear it/them. I encourage you to share any and all thoughts, opinions, experiences, etc. you may have in the comments section below.