Recently, I got spanked (actually twice, for two separate things) and afterwards it got me thinking about the different mindsets that I go through after a spanking. These are different with each spanking, and depend on a lot of different factors such as my attitude going into the spanking, how hard the spanking was, what type of spanking it was (maintenance when we used to do them, reminder, stress-relief, or punishment), and more.
The not-so-submissive mindset
This one is rare, but I call this one the “not-s0-submissive” mindset because that’s exactly what it is- pretty much not submissive. This includes things like immediately thinking about how to get around the “no rubbing after a spanking rule” and things such as not being exactly cooperative with the spanking process. This is the mindset I try the hardest to avoid, because I hate it, and I know Clint isn’t a big fan either. I’ve found, over the years, that this mindset tends to happen the most when one of the following things has occurred beforehand: I was upset, or angry, going into the spanking, the spanking wasn’t hard or long enough or I felt it was an unfair spanking to begin with. I can count on one hand the number of spankings that I’ve had over the last 6 years that I didn’t feel was fair or justified at the time (actually, I can count on just a few fingers), so the last scenario there is extremely infrequent, but it happens nevertheless.
In situations like this, Clint has learned over time to become pretty good at predicting or noticing when this mindset is occurring and, because of that, has learned how to change it. Usually, that is by adding additional spanks (if the mindset was due to the spanking not being hard/long enough) which almost always does the trick, and changes my mindset rather quickly. He’s also been known to lecture a little bit after the spanking in times like this, which has worked great as well.
The “I’m super sorry and I’ll never do it again!” mindset
This one is a little more common, and I think is what all submissive partners (and even HOH’s) envision when they think of the moments after a spanking. You know, that picture of the submissive partner laying there promising never to do it again, apologizing for the misbehavior, and likely crying? Yeah. That’s this mindset. This one occurs more frequently, and is usually after the spanking was long/hard enough, and/or the lecture beforehand was well done. Most of the time, this mindset comes when my attitude going into the spanking is already very submissive, and “right” for lack of a better description.
When this mindset occurs, I’m way (way) less likely to even think about rubbing it afterwards, let alone breaking any sort of rule for a long, long time. It’s also when I feel the most at peace,and I know Clint prefers this one because it shows to him that I really understand what the problem was, why it was a problem, and reassures him that the message he was trying to send was well received. In spanking situations, this is the mindset we both aim for in a discipline spanking situation.
The “dang that really hurt!” mindset
Portions of this mindset technically occur in the above two (the thought of “man, my butt is really stinging!”) but this particular mindset all its own is when my focus after the spanking is solely on the pain, and not on what the spanking was originally for. With this mindset, I’m definitely still in that “submissive, it won’t happen again!” frame of mind, but it’s included with focusing solely on the pain, and less on things like any form of a lecture afterwards (which is rare, but still..) or instructions about not rubbing it, and reminders of the fact I will get spanked if this happens again.
What I’ve found is that this mindset typically occurs if the lecture before the spanking is short, or if it’s nonexistent. One of the reasons lecturing, for us personally, is so important is because it’s effective in changing my attitude going into the spanking, which thus controls the outcome of it. It’s also important because if it’s short, or nonexistent, it’s likely to keep my focus solely on the pain of the spanking, or just wanting to get it over with, and less on actually learning anything from it.
To combat this mindset from occurring, we started using blended spankings, which include a short lecture mid-punishment. This has drastically cut down on this mindset occurring after the spanking as it helps to refocus my attention.
The “I feel so much better!” mindset
This frame of mind sometimes occurs in conjunction with the second mindset I talked about, although not always. This mindset occurs most often after a non-discipline spanking (which would mainly be stress relief spankings) and occasionally after spankings where a heavy amount of guilt was surrounding the offense to begin with. This mindset always seems to reaffirm to me why the domestic discipline lifestyle works so well. The feelings afterward, especially when displayed with this frame of mind, for both my husband and I are well worth it.
In this mindset, it’s more of a relief than anything, often for both of us. My husband enjoys making me happy (and, he’s really good at it, I must say!) so when I’m overwhelmed, stressed, feeling guilty, or really upset, he feels it too. The “I feel so much better” mindset has a way of helping him feel better too, which becomes a win-win for us both.
All in all, what I’ve learned through these four mindsets, and probably others, is that the mindset after a spanking highly depends on the attitudes and actions before a spanking. If I don’t feel the punishment is fair, or if I’m upset before the spanking about something (whether related to the offense, or not) then I’m much more likely to feel upset after the spanking as well (this is why I don’t believe you can “spank into complete submission”, but that’s another topic for another post..). If the lecture is sufficient, and the spanking was hard, then I’m much more likely to be apologetic, submissive, and contrite afterwards. If I’m feeling totally guilty beforehand, and effort is made by Clint to ensure that guilt is swept away (either by talking to me about what happened beforehand, spanking, or another form) then I’m more likely to feel much better afterwards and like the slate is wiped clean. And, finally, if the lecture is lacking beforehand, I’ll likely just focus on the pain only after the spanking, which means it won’t be as effective in changing behaviors.
So, there you have it. Bottom line- attitudes, reactions, and actions before the spankings strongly dictates the attitudes, reactions, and actions after it is over.