The difference of discipline spankings vs. erotic spankings

In the beginner level spankings article, we wrote the following:

Spankings, in a punishment scenario, should only be done when a mistake is made or poor judgment is used in order to correct negative behaviors for the greater good of the entire family.  Punishment spankings are NOT “fun”, “exciting”, or “sexual” activities to be done whenever a couple feels like it.  If you and your partner find spanking to be any of those things, you’re reading the wrong website.

Evidently this has caused quite a bit of confusion to some readers, which is understandable.  Some couples enjoy erotic spankings, and some of the couples that enjoy erotic spankings misunderstood our statement above.  As much as we do NOT want to discuss erotic spankings on our website, it seems we must at this point.  That’s our fault for not being clear with our statement.  We’ll clarify our statement as best as we can within this article.


This website is called Domestic Discipline.  It’s not called Spankings, or Learning Foreplay, or Learning Erotica, or Learning How to Enhance Your Sex Life, or anything else of the sort.  It’s called Domestic Discipline, which is the subject the content will remain under.  The intent of this website is to help couples understand domestic discipline and all the complex nuances the lifestyle entails, which includes spanking (in a discipline sense).  We feel erotic spankings have nothing to do with domestic discipline since they are not intended to correct an unwanted, dangerous or detrimental behavior.

I’m upset with your attitude today, honey. We’re going to have sex with some erotic spankings thrown in there to help you get your attitude fixed,” sounds pretty absurd to us.

Now when you read our statement at the beginning of the article, it should make a lot more sense.  Regardless of whether it does or does not, we’ll continue elaborating.

Now that we understand domestic discipline is the primary focus of this website, our statement of, “Spankings, in a punishment scenario, should only be done when a mistake is made or poor judgment is used“, was in reference to a discipline spanking, since we’re talking about domestic discipline.  We should have clarified that, and we didn’t.  So that’s what it means.  We still feel a spanking (a discipline spanking) should only be done when a mistake is made, or poor judgment is used.

The second part of our statement was under the same thought process.  We incorrectly made the assumption readers understood we were talking about discipline on this Domestic Discipline website, so we made the statement of, “Punishment spankings are NOT “fun”, “exciting”, or “sexual” activities to be done whenever a couple feels like it.  If you and your partner find spanking to be any of those things, you’re reading the wrong website.”  Spankings (under a discipline sense) are not fun, exciting or sexual, and you ARE reading the wrong website if you find a spanking to be any of those things.

If you do find spankings to be any of those things, then information about erotic spankings is what you’re looking for.  We’ve established erotic spankings will not be discussed (with the exception of this post and a few comment replies) on this website since we feel that they have nothing to do with domestic discipline.  We’re positive that, if you truly want that information, you’ll be able to find it on numerous websites/blogs around the web.

One commenter asked if we felt discipline spankings and erotic spankings could not co-exist in a relationship/marriage, and later went on to ask if we felt they could not work together.  This comment/question confused us some, since we felt it was asking two different questions.

Do we feel discipline spankings and erotic spankings can co-exist in a relationship/marriage?  Of course they can.  A couple that practices domestic discipline can include erotic spankings in their sex life.  If a couple enjoys erotic spankings, so be it.  What they do during intimate times is their business.  Absolutely discipline spankings and erotic spankings can co-exist in a relationship/marriage.

Do we feel discipline spankings and erotic spankings can work together?  No, we do not.  Going back to the point we made earlier — one cannot correct a behavior by having sex.  When sex gets mixed in with discipline, it confuses the brain.  Literally.  One begins associating discipline with sex, and it causes increased problems in behavior.

In a discipline instance, people associate poor behavior with subsequent discipline.  If sex gets involved in any way, one then associates discipline with sex.  So, when sex and discipline get mixed together, the association then becomes poor behavior leads to sex.  As general human nature, people enjoy sex.  When this happens, future poor behaviors increase since the one acting out knows sex will follow (after the disciplinary action), which is something they enjoy.  The sex, ultimately, is reinforcing the poor behavior and thus will increase the likelihood of it repeating.  It’s psychology 101.  Discipline spankings and erotic spankings CANNOT work together.

That last paragraph was kind of confusing so we’ll illustrate our point.  Here is the thought process:

Poor behavior –> Discipline –> Sex

Naturally, through the transitive property (If A = B and B = C, then A = C), this then becomes:

Poor behavior –> Sex

That can’t happen unless you want to see an increase in poor behavior, which is essentially the exact opposite of what domestic discipline punishments are intended to do.  So, once again, discipline spankings and erotic spankings cannot work together.  People often wonder why they’re not getting the results they seek, and more often than not it’s due to them engaging in sexual activity before, during, and/or after the discipline.

We understand and acknowledge that spanking, even in a discipline sense, can be arousing.  We’re not arguing that point at all.  It can be.  But, after the little spiel we went on about how mixing sex with discipline is a no-no, we obviously highly recommend NOT mixing sex with discipline.  If this is difficult for you to do, change the way you spank.  Start to spank over the underwear or light clothing rather than bare-bottomed.  After the comforting, do something to take your mind off of sex.  Read a book, watch TV, watch a movie, take a walk, do housework, take a nap, go to sleep – whatever you need to do to avoid the sexual desire you feel.

So how long after a spanking (a discipline spanking) should you wait to have sex? 

For best results, we recommend waiting until the buttocks of the submissive partner feels 100% better.  The spanking and all it’s intended for is 100% over at that point.  We’re not saying that’s easy to do, but for best results that’s what we recommend.

We understand why people were confused by what we said, and why they were confused by the differences between punishment spankings and erotic spankings.  They fall under the same category (spankings) but are two completely different things.  Just like apples and oranges.  Same category (fruit), different things.  It’s confusing, and we should have been more clear in our statement (the one at the beginning of this article).  We apologize to those we confused, and we hope this entry has helped to clear things up.

One last thing we want to say before we end this article – domestic discipline is one ASPECT of a relationship/marriage.  There are a lot of different aspects to a relationship/marriage – finances, sex, communication, domestic discipline, etc.  Domestic discipline is what will be covered on this website, with maybe a recipe or a Couples Challenge mixed in from time to time.  When we refer to a spanking on this website, it’s always in a discipline sense.  Never an erotic sense.

As always, please feel free to comment or ask questions in the comments section of the article.


3 thoughts on “The difference of discipline spankings vs. erotic spankings

  1. This is an interesting distinction. I’ve always thought of spanking as an erotic practice, whether it results/is followed by intercourse or not. Even the discipline kind of spanking has a sexual(ity) undertone in my mind. Thanks for reminding us that there are as many kinds of spanking as there are its practitioners.

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