Even before Clint and I began domestic discipline I knew what a submissive wife was. Well, let me rephrase that – I thought I knew what a submissive wife was, although reality was that my perception of the term was based on what I had seen in the media or heard about in some of my psychology classes.
Disclaimer: Although parts of this post contains factual/undisputed information such as definitions, most of this post is based on my opinion of submission and should be taken as such. Obviously everyone has a different opinion on what a submissive wife is, duties, etc. and I fully understand and welcome the fact that your opinions and thoughts may differ from mine. That’s part of what makes this community so great.
I firmly believe that you don’t truly understand what a submissive wife is, or what it entails, until you are one. I also firmly believe that submission cannot be taught (which was one of my hesitations on starting the Submissive Saturdays series, but that’s for another time) and that everyone practices submission differently, similarly to how everyone practices domestic discipline differently.
What is submission?
If you were to ask 10 random people what the definition of submission is, I would venture to guess you would get 10 different answers. According to the dictionary, being a submissive means to be “inclined or ready to submit or yield to the authority of another; unresistingly or humbly obedient”.
So, in plain terms, obey your HOH without resistance is the black and white definition of being a submissive wife. Sounds hard? It is (at times). Sounds easy? It is at times as well.
How do you become a submissive wife?
This goes on my list of the most difficult questions for me to answer out of the domestic discipline ones I get asked on a regular basis. The reason is because, as I stated earlier, I don’t believe submission can be taught..at least not fully. I believe that most of submission is a thought, feeling, want or desire that a person has to submit to, and obey, their HOH. So, if that’s the case, how does one become a submissive wife?
The simple answer is that I would recommend first researching submission by reading first-hand accounts of other submissive wives (whether that is found on “vanilla” blogs, domestic discipline blogs, or elsewhere) and getting a good idea of what submission looks like in a variety of different relationships. Then, ask yourself if what you’ve read (or a version of what you’ve read) is something that you truly desire to do. If not, then perhaps submission is not for you and that’s okay. If it is something you want, then the first step is out of the way! We’ll get to the next steps in a future post, but for now, that is the first and key step that you need to take.
What about the HOH?
Other than the drive, passion and desire to become a submissive wife (as I discussed above), I also think it’s important that your HOH be on board with your desire. I think it’s important that he not only knows/understands what type of wife you want to be, but that he respects that decision and supports it. Having his support will make it a lot easier, and give you that extra push you might occasionally need.
Some HOHs may not fully understand what a submissive wife is, and I’ve heard many times from different women that their husbands “would never want a submissive wife” because their interpretation of the phrase is a “pushover” or a “doormat”. If this is the case with your HOH, it is important to help them to realize the misconceptions and what the actual definition of a submissive wife is.
Recapping the basics of submission
There are 5 main points that I want everyone to understand, and I refer to these as the “basics of submission”.
1. Submission is a want, feeling, and desire. It is not something that can be forced, molded, or learned.
2. Submission is not easy at times, but if it is practiced correctly the benefits of it outweigh the challenges.
3. Having the support and motivation of your HOH plays a key role.
4. It isn’t necessary to practice domestic discipline to be a submissive wife. Not all submissive wives practice domestic discipline. However, I like to think of domestic discipline as an “extra bonus” to being a submissive wife because it really helps to keep you on track, and improve the relationship in ways that standard dominance/submissive relationships cannot.
5. It isn’t a “doormat relationship” or a “his way or the highway” type of relationship like society and/or the media sometimes makes it out to be. Research what submission is, and practice it for yourself to see what it is all about.
Don’t forget- there are many places where you can research submission for extra support, resources and motivation. Several books have been written on the topic that are available at libraries and book stores, as well as blogs/other internet resources.