“Go to your room and prepare for a spanking young lady.” Do you remember how your heart would start racing and your bottom would start burning even before you reached the bedroom door because you knew you were about to get a “whooping” (aka “whipping”)? Many of us have faced those dreaded times in our life when we knew we were about to feel the sting of a paddle, a strap, or belt across our backside by our father. But have you ever heard those words come out of the mouth of your husband? I have and I know the benefits of being in a marriage where Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) is conducted. My goal is to allow you to see how my husband I began our journey into this lifestyle and share with you how and why, this woman, John’s wife has benefited from Christian Domestic Discipline.
Part I: Our introduction to Domestic Discipline
On a beautiful December day in my hometown, I stood before my family, friends, Pastor, and God and took a vow to “love, honor, and obey” my best friend, my former classmate, my childhood buddy, and the love of my life. It was on that glorious day he became my husband. Six months later when turbulence began to invade our territory and the “honeymoon” ended, my husband tried to take his authority of his home. He walked in from work one day and informed me that things were going to change because he loved me and he knew I loved him but our home was not happy and he felt like it was because he had not stepped up to the mound to become the head of our household. Then he informed me he was going to spank me for bad behavior from that point on! I laughed then spit at him. His efforts to subdue me and administer his “husbandly duty” were futile. I grabbed my car keys and out the door I went to my parents’ home. When I arrived at Mom and Dad’s house I was visibly upset, so we sat around the table as I shared my “horror story” of how my husband had tired to “beat me.” I was sure the two people sitting on either side of me, the two who had been my protectors all my life, would defend me to the end!
A short time later, I was sitting in the family room, sipping on a Coke, and had just started to relax when the doorbell rang. My dad went to answer it while Mom got up to get a video. When I turned to see whom my father was talking so quietly too, I looked into the eyes of this man who had just tried to “kill” me. I started to jump up when my father very firmly told me to sit down, there was a movie my husband and I need to see. It was our wedding video. After we watched each other exchange vows, the video was stopped and my father and mother gently reminded me that I had taken a vow to not only love and honor but to OBEY my husband. He had a right to discipline and correct his “wayward” wife. These two precious people then proceeded to leave me in the hands of that man I had made such a vow too. I thought they were being cruel to me, but some two years later, I now believe they gave me a treasure that night, for it would become mine and John’s first experience with domestic discipline. There wasn’t much to it, but it was served to teach us both that our marriage would only work out, if we worked to make it work. Even before marriage he and I talked about how we wanted to go against the grain and celebrate our 10th, 20th, 30th, 50th, and 60th wedding anniversary together. We wanted to raise children together, grow old together, and hopefully leave this earth together. We reminded each other of our dreams and desires as we sat alone in my parents’ family room. It would be in that very room for the first time ever, I would lower my pants and bend over my husband’s knees and receive my first discipline spanking. Did it hurt, you may ask? YES! Did I enjoy it? NO! Did I grow because of it? YES! Do I love and respect my husband more than ever before? YES and again I say YES!
Part II: How Christian Domestic Discipline has benefited me as a woman
Once my husband and I agreed that CDD would be incorporated into our lives and marriage I began to see things in me that were ugly. Attitudes, selfishness, pride, jealousy, gossip, and just pure Southern woman foolishness. Actually, I didn’t see them near as clearly as Hubby did and he was quick to point them out to me, and correct me. He didn’t waste anytime taking the reins as the Head of Household (HOH). The one advantage he had was a male friend, who also practiced CDD; this friend shared with him and counseled him through our early days. May I just pause to say, my husband was a good learner! But Christian Domestic Discipline goes beyond the spanking. CDD has become for me a mirror. A woman either loves or hates a mirror. We love them when we know we are looking good. When we know we have taken good care, and great pains, to make ourselves look good and we hate them and ignore them, when we know we have been slack and the mirror reveals the truth. Christian Domestic Discipline is like that, except the mirror isn’t hanging on the wall, it’s being held in my husband’s hands.
We do not have any set rules of when or how CDD will be administered. My husband makes all of those decisions. When I am truly troubled about something we will talk about it but in the end he will make the final decision. If that means me submitting to him, then I will lay naked across the bed, the stool, or across his lap in surrender and trust him. I trust him because I know it’s not his desire to be “mean”, it’s his desire to help me. The beginning of our journey in this lifestyle was somewhat rocky but then hubby learned about the website, Christian Domestic Discipline. The website has become our CDD manual. I am comfortable with the contents of the website and the site gives him great wisdom in handling me. The disadvantage to Clint.blogspot.com is it has taught my husband many secret of a woman’s mind, which has resulted in my pants being taken down for spankings more than I would care to mention.
My husband takes a no nonsense approach to disciplining me. Over the course of the past two years I have learned what is appropriate or inappropriate behavior for me. I know what will please him and I know what will disappoint or anger him. I often wonder why I cross over into inappropriate behavior. Why I test him like a little schoolgirl. Why I go to the extremes, it seems, at times, to see how far I can push his buttons. Then while rubbing my blistered butt or standing humbly in a corner, I wonder what the **** I was thinking! He has several ways of disciplining me and takes his responsibility seriously. He considers my disciplines and punishments before they are administered. Sometimes it takes him about fifteen minutes, other times he will wait it out for a day or two, while I pace and wonder. The end result that he is looking for is for me see with my eyes and heart the error of my ways, to look into the mirror and make a conscious effort to change. When I change, we change, and then we both benefit. I benefit because I learn to drop off the weights of bad behavior, which frees me to be who I was created to be. I benefit because I learn to think before my mouth opens thus saving me from unnecessary embarrassment. I benefit because I am learning this journey in life isn’t about “me” but about loving, giving, and caring for those I love. It’s about taking care of others and sharing a life of love. I benefit because I am growing to become a woman of virtue. A woman who will leave footprints behind her and who wants those who follow in them, to be proud to travel the same journey. He benefits because my greatest desire is pleasing him. He benefits because he can come home to a peaceful home where a loving wife greets him with a kiss and a good meal, not to mention a clean home. He benefits because his wife trust him. I trust him to protect me, provide for me, love me, guide me, and punish me.
I know when John puts a strap, a paddle, or a belt in his hand I will feel pain. My bottom will burn, sting, and at times bruise but I am safe because behind those implements are the hands of a man who loves me. I do not doubt that. In fact, I’m surer of his love for me than ever. I know the efforts he makes for me. I have seen the toil and thoughts he puts into my discipline and punishment. My father once told me that anything worth having is worth working hard for and if we really want something, it becomes our passion and we will do what it takes to win the prize! I have seen John work hard for my sake. I have seen him struggle when he didn’t even know I noticed. I have seen him contemplate and finally make a decision on my behalf and I have learned my husband is passionate about me! Do I cry? you bet. Do I get mad? At times. Does it stop John from doing what need to be done? Not in the least. John is my hero! Neither superman nor the Gladiator has anything on my MAN. Those super heroes rescue stupid people and then leave them to do it again. My hero rescues me and then teaches me how to avoid falling into that pit again. Sometimes I do fall again, but not because of him, but because of my disobedience. When that happens, John doesn’t leave me to drown in my failure. He doesn’t throw his hands up and give up on me. Instead he lifts up my skirt and uses his hands, to administer a sound spanking to me and remind me that there are consequences for bad behavior and I have to choose to change. Anytime I receive discipline from John, he requires me to address him as Sir, and he also requires me to thank him following the punishment. Those two exercises are very humbling to me. They remind me that John is the HOH at our house; they remind me that my role is to submit to him, and they remind me of how childishly I have behaved.
I seem to get into a lot of my trouble because of my mouth. I run it too much. I have a horrible habit of gossip, though it’s getting under control, John has made it his mission – he HATES gossip. A couple of months ago, John and I went out with another husband and wife team. While eating supper, we (the girls) got to talking, gossiping about someone. I knew what we were doing was wrong. I knew it because John and I have had several discussions about gossip and how it produces pain. John had spanked me before for gossip. Yet, I continued right on. I didn’t even have to look up to know my husband was upset. He didn’t even need to speak, I knew I was wrong. As we parted ways with the other couple and started home, I said, “I know I’m getting a spanking.” My dear husband looked at me and said “Did you know what you were doing was wrong?” Yes Sir, was my response. “Have I told you that behavior is unacceptable” Yes Sir. “So you deliberately disobeyed me?” Yes Sir. “Then not only do you need to take the strap to the bedroom with you, you need to take the paddle, because you are not only getting a discipline spanking but a disobedience spanking and in preparation for your spanking you can remove all of your clothes and stand in the corner until I come in to administer your punishment. Do I make myself clear?” Yes Sir. A few moments later I stood naked and humbled in the corner of our bedroom and wondered how stupid I could be. I could tell by the tone John had taken with me in the car I had hurt him, I had disappointed him, and that was why I was shaking, and feeling deep pain in my heart. John did administer those punishments to me. He had never spanked me twice in one day. It hurt but most of the tears shed on the bed and his lap that night were tears of sorrow and repentance that I could hurt my husband and ignore his expectation of me. I wish I could say I would never do that to him again. But, I already have, not in gossip but in another way. Not only did I disobey him, I failed him. I failed and because of a lie I told, I shamed him. I refused to accept ownership of my misbehavior and instead tried to pass the buck to an innocent person. A person both John and I respect very much. A person who has helped us to bond our love together, even when he didn’t know it. I’m ashamed and sorry. I told John before I started writing this that I would have taken the strap to my bare bottom ten times, rather than humiliate or shame him, or disappoint our friend. John knows me best though. He knew the spanking would hurt for a moment but the lesson will forever be etched in my mind.
John is the love of my life. I love to make love to this wonderful man. I saved myself for him and I never want to share my bed with any other. Yet a wise man once said to me that being loyal to my husband means more than just not sleeping around. It also means not attempting to use other people to mask or enable my disobedience to him. That statement hurt my heart and opened my eyes. He and I live in a happy home. I’ve learned through the process of Domestic Discipline how to control myself better, though I am still learning. I have learned to submit to my husband and as we grow together I am learning to surrender more and more to him. He doesn’t beat me. He doesn’t lord it over me. This isn’t about abuse, this is about LOVE. A love that goes deeper than most people are willing to go these days. A love that fights and determines to win. A love that doesn’t give up! My husband has recognized his role as HOH and I have benefited from it. I have learned that my submission to him is really me saying, ” I trust you” and I’ll go where you go and no matter what we walk thorough, we will make it and we’ll hold our heads up high.” I didn’t introduce Christian Domestic Discipline to my husband, he introduced it to me. I feel sorry for women who long for their man to step up and take his rightful role in the home. I feel sorry for men who desire to lead their homes in such a fashion but the fear of what society thinks or the fear of being labeled a “wife abuser” has held them back. For the sake of all women I wish I could stand on top of a mountain and scream out to all the men of this world, “Please stand up and take your place in your home! Please, for the sake of wife and children! We so sadly mistake the first sin on this earth as Eve eating the apple of the tree of life. But the first sin was Adam not taking his wife in hand and checking her motives before falling into the trap of the devil. Have you ever thought how different life would be like for us if Adam had spanked Eve in the garden and put her in her place! God placed men as leaders of their homes and He gives you the right; in fact He commands it of you to step up to your role.
Being punished by my husband has served to teach me that I cannot go through daily life with a “whatever will be, will be attitude.” I am learning to think before I act. I have learned to see things from a different prospective than that of my narrow mind. Being punished helps to remind me I need to keep a check on my motives and actions. A good example of this happened not long ago when John and I went camping with some friends. I started making some off the wall, disrespectful, comments to my HOH, just like my female friends were doing. Well, that may be acceptable behavior in their homes but not ours. John tried to gently turn me around but I did not listen. So ever so discreetly John took his wife for a walk. We walked for a long time without a word, he didn’t need to say it, and I already knew what was about to happen. He had “that look” in his eye. When we arrived at the “whipping post”, John made me tell him why we were there, and then he made me find a switch. I had never been spanked outside, had never had been told to collect a switch and had never been told to touch my ankles while I received a serious spanking to by backside. It didn’t take but a couple of spanks for me to get the message loud and clear, but John wanted to make sure it didn’t happen again, so he continued until he knew that wherever I went the rest of weekend, I’d remember well. The end result… John and I had a loving weekend. While our friends bickered and fought and wondered about each other’s true dedication to their relationship, my husband and I enjoyed our time together. We had great sex and made passionate love to one another in the great outdoors! One of John’s friends made a comment to him that he wished he had a wife like ME! Little does he know, John has worked hard to perfect me.
The hardest part of domestic discipline for me has been the submission part. I’m spoiled, I admit it. I like getting my way. What woman doesn’t? But to have a man tell me I must submit to him or else, has been a tough lesson. As you already know, I’m not always compliant. But submitting to my husband is getting easier and easier because I truly know he has my best interests at heart. Submitting to him allows me to release a heavy burden I am carrying and it allow me to get out of his way so he can do his job as HOH. Submitting release me from worrying about things, because I know he is taking care of it. Sometimes I think being a submissive wife is much easier than being a HOH. The HOH has to carry a heavy load with his career, and all the duties of running a happy and safe home. The least I can do is have my husband’s coffee on, his breakfast cooked, and myself presentable to him before he leaves the house each morning. The least I can do is keep the house clean and attractive for him so when he comes home in the evening, he can relax and be refreshed. The least I can do is to learn to be a better wife to him so I can be the helpmate God intended me to be instead of a thorn in his side. I want his thoughts of me to bring a smile to face instead of pain to his heart. I want my HOH to want to come at night! I want him to rush home to this wife. When he can trust me to submit to his authority, to love him and take care of his needs (sexual and non-sexual) then submitting to him will be worth it! I feel like we have made progress. I hope he feels the same.
Discipline is good for me because it keeps me accountable! Usually I am told to go collect the strap (my husband’s main spanking implement) and report to our bedroom and prepare for my spanking. Preparing for my spanking involves me removing my clothes from my waist down and lying on my stomach across the bed until John arrives. I know when he is coming. I know the sound of his footsteps all around our house and I can almost tell you when he has reached the doorknob. There is nothing more humiliating than being a grown woman, laying butt naked across a bed, waiting to receive a spanking. Usually by the time John arrives, my butt has is already feeling the sting of pain. He enters the room and says one word, “Alright”. That lets me know I am to get up off the bed and stand in the middle of the room while he takes the strap in his hands and sits on the bed. Then I am required to tell him why I have put myself in that position or I have to listen to a lecture from him. Once he is satisfied, he says, “It’s time” and I am usually required to humble myself across his lap. He does not speak to me while I am being spanked. He does not allow me to speak. He will allow me to cry but I am not allowed to throw a fit. If that happens, I spend time in the corner a little while, before we “start over”. Thank God I am learning to behave better on his lap and that doesn’t happen so much anymore. Discipline is good for me because my HOH has forced me to look into a mirror and see my ugliness instead of ignoring it. He has forced me to look at something I would otherwise ignore if it were left up to me.
Christian Domestic Discipline modifies my behavior in several ways.
My behavior is modified because I know, if I don’t straighten up, I will be straightened up! One day John and I had gone shopping together. I was in a really ill mood. I was angry about a decision he had made that I didn’t agree with. Instead of discussing it with him, I held my anger. He picked up on it very quickly. Of course women know how to do that. We know how to get a clear message to our husband that we are not happy by the way we act. I wonder why we don’t just confess and allow our HOH to work through it with us. Anyway, John tried to get me to tell him what was wrong. I gave him that famous wife line, “Nothing”. So we continued on our shopping spree. A couple of ugly comments later, my husband walked up to me and gave me a hug while whispering in my ear, “Get in the car now.” We left a buggy, half full of grocery, in the middle isle of the local Winn Dixie. Once in the car I poured my heart out to John. He listened and did modify his decision on that subject after he took me home and marched me into the bedroom for a spanking and an afternoon of writing, “I will talk to John when I am upset about something instead of lying.” He made me write that line 1000 times with a pencil. He told me later I received that spanking because he tried to get me to tell him what was going on but I wouldn’t and then I acted disrespectfully to him in the store. I could have avoided the entire episode, if I would have just talked to my husband. CDD has modified my behavior because it has made me want to please my husband more than ever. Through CDD I am learning the importance of communicating with my HOH and submitting to him even when I do not agree. I want to be a good woman, a good wife to my loving man. He deserves no less. He could have chosen any other woman in this world and he chose me! I am his prize and I want to make him happy he got me. I’ve come a long way but I have a long way to go. I know John tells me so. But since we started this Christian Domestic Discipline lifestyle I have learned to control my temper, take responsibility for my actions and work to change those things in me that are not pleasing, to God, my husband, or myself. My father told me the other day that he was proud of me and I was growing up to become such a lovely lady. He uses to tell me when I was a teenager, he loved me, but he didn’t like me so much. I just hugged my dad and thanked him, and then I hugged my husband and thanked him. I didn’t need to go into great detail of my thanks. He knew.
I have been told so many times that I am a fortunate woman.
I know that I am. I know it when I feel the arms of the wonderest man in the world wrapped about this southern gal. I know it when I can be who I am and go through life not wondering if my husband loves me or if he is faithful to me. When my husband makes a decision I don’t like, he looks ahead to see what his decision will produce which is often a positive reaction in me, evidentially. I’m a blessed woman because a wonderful man has gone to great extremes to make me happy and meet my needs.
There is so much misconception about Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD), no thanks to websites and people looking to promote sex and violence.
It has made many people second-guess a lifestyle they know is appropriate. There isn’t enough money in the world to change my mind about how CDD has been a part of the glue that has held our marriage, and love and respect for each other, together. Once a decision is made to implement this lifestyle change in a home then the husband and wife team need to determine that they will not listen to negatives about it. Instead they need to search for themselves the truth about how it can benefit them. They need to pull up www.Clint.blogspot.com. and invest some time in learning about it. True Christian Domestic Discipline has to do with a husband helping his wife to get past her emotions and see the truth. It’s not about a woman spanking a man! I jokily asked my husband one time if he needed a spanking. He in a joking, yet serious way, told me if I knew what was good for me, I would never let words like that come out of my mouth, I obeyed. Recently, I have heard the phrase “codependent” in reference to women who need to be spanked. I’m not afraid of that term. God made me to be codependent on my husband. God says it not good for man to be alone; therefore he created ME, a woman for my man. God created men and women differently for a purpose and His word does not leave us to wonder who should be leading.
I find myself pausing to reflect on my life as a woman and a wife. I have always been a very independent woman. In fact I have always said I would never marry, because I liked my freedom too much. Before marriage I always thought men were bossy. Thus for almost 30 years I lived a single, lonely life. Then one day John came along and I was hooked. In the course of our marriage I learned I want to do what it takes to not only stay married but to fall deeper in love as we grow older together. Submission for me personally is saying, “I want you in my life so maddeningly that I will put aside my pride, arrogance, and petty ideas and trust you.” In doing so, I know full well that John may lead us in the wrong direction – after all he is human – but he is wise enough to turn the sail if necessary. I see couples that struggle because they don’t communicate or they refuse to see things from their partner’s perspective – women especially. John and I have watched a couple of friends fall in love – but because there was a lot of giving on one side, and very little on the other, we have seen marriages fail. When John makes me pause and see things from another perspective – it often changes my “stinking thinking.” John is so patient and kind. He is determined to get through to me one way or another. When I am way off base he will change my attitude very quickly. When I hurt someone, or myself, I’m sure to be corrected. Domestic Discipline allows me to have my say, to share my dreams, and ideas. It allows me to voice my desires for our marriage. Strange as it may seem, I open more to John, right after he has administered a spanking/punishment/or discipline to me. He doesn’t beat me whenever or for whatever. He spanks me when I need it! God created him to see things from the perspective of a leader. How foolish he would be to try and allow an unqualified person to led our home.
I also have read so much about the sexual part of DD. Sure, to a degree it is sexual. Each time John puts his hand on me, in any fashion, my body responds. That is a natural reaction, for the two of us are one. But, he handles that very well. He will not allow punishment to turn into sex. At times, I wish he would, and even though I do not completely understand his reasoning, I submit to it. He disciplined me by making me stay naked one day. I tried several times to “tempt” him, it didn’t work though. It let me know that he is more serious about me learning to behave properly than us having pleasure.
Writing this has made me think about my actions and how they affect others. It has made me think about the hard time I give John, when I shouldn’t. It had made me look into the mirror and see things I don’t like. I have often been humbled and disgraced because of my foolish actions. What Christian Domestic Discipline does is to turn me around, to be a wonderful, wife, daughter, mother, and friend.