My Story of Fulfillment through Christian Domestic Discipline
My husband and I met when we were well into adulthood, both having gone to college, built careers, and established ourselves. Before we met, my husband had already become a successful businessman, while I made my mark in higher education, first with advanced degrees, including the Ph.D., and later as a college professor and published scholar. We found that we had much in common, including liberal views of society and acceptance of the personal choices and lifestyles of others. For me those views have emerged from a feminist perspective, which advocates respect and free choice for all people. Contrary to what many may think, feminism is not a foil to traditional marriages and relationships: it is a vehicle that can lead modern women down the path that is best for them. For me, that path includes obedience to my husband and submission to his authority for guidance and discipline. When I met the man I would marry, I soon learned that he would make a good husband for me: he was kind, loving, even-tempered, decisive, and forgiving. He wanted an obedient wife who would honor him as her leader and submit to his will, whether in household decisions or discipline. When he proposed marriage to me, I accepted with joy.
As I hope you will see, however, my journey to enlightenment and harmony was a rocky one, for I had much to learn about my own nature and corresponding needs. Before we married, I had already sorted out my thoughts on equality and power, autonomy and submission, and authority and obedience. What I hadn’t worked out was how to put my thoughts and convictions into practice, but through Christian Domestic Discipline I happily found my way to become the obedient and submissive wife my husband deserves. Here is my story.
When my husband and I married, I promised to love and honor him, but I did not promise to obey him when we stood before our family and friends. I wanted to add obedience to my vows, but it seemed too private to say in front of others, and I thought our wedding guests would roll their eyes and whisper about my archaic promise to my husband. Instead, I gave my promise of obedience to my husband when we arrived at our hotel room on our wedding night. I changed into my bridal lingerie and went to my husband at the bed. I knelt before him and promised to obey him. He pulled me up, sat me on his lap, and thanked me with tender kisses and caresses. Then he pulled me over his knee and gave me a small spanking as a sign of his acceptance of my obedience and his corresponding authority to lead me through life with loving discipline. The spanking didn’t hurt very much, and as it was our wedding night, it had an erotic effect more than anything else. I thought obedience would be easy, and that my little spankings would always serve as sexual foreplay. And that’s how my spankings took place for a time.
Apart from my submitting to little erotic spankings, I didn’t take my wedding night vow of obedience seriously at all. I behaved as I pleased, and I chose to please my husband only when it suited me to do so. I am a giving person by nature, so much of the time my lack of authentic obedience went by unnoticed — at least to me. I frequently dressed in sexy outfits and misbehaved in trivial ways in order to get what I thought was discipline. As for my husband, he was happy with my naughty flirtations, and he enjoyed the arousal that came with the erotic spankings. In our preoccupation with playful spanking, we both forgot my vow of obedience, which got lost in memory.
Like many couples, though, we eventually settled into our post-honeymoon phase, and the erotic spankings decreased, as did other intimate behavior. As our attentions turned to work, household duties, and other obligations, we spent less time together, and we started to grow apart. We didn’t fight, but something was missing between us just the same. Once in a while I would try my naughty flirtations again, we would have a fun hour in the bedroom, and that would be that.
What was missing, of course, was my genuine obedience. My husband never asked me to obey him, and while he was pleased with my promise to be obedient, he didn’t demand it because I didn’t behave as if I was sincere. Obedience appealed to me, but I clearly didn’t know how to be an obedient wife, and I never asked my husband to teach me. It wasn’t until a couple of years later that I realized what I needed in order to become the wife my husband deserved: discipline.
My husband managed our finances from the beginning, and I was glad, as I don’t behave responsibly with money. Unlike many women, I am not a shopping enthusiast — it isn’t a pastime for me — but I nonetheless spent great sums when I wanted something, and I frequently did so without my husband’s knowledge or permission. When he would confront me with my indiscretions, I would pout, take little tantrums, and behave like a spoiled little brat. My impudent nature showed up in other ways: I had little fits when my husband wanted to watch a television program that I didn’t like, I balked when he asked me to complete simple chores, and I stuck my tongue out at him when he reprimanded me. In short, I was unruly and desperately in need of discipline.
But authentic discipline was foreign to me. I had practiced self-discipline through years of graduate school, hours of working out, and long days at work, but I never considered my need for discipline to correct my behavior in a relationship. I must have thought that my personal accomplishments and years of independence had exempted me from my husband’s authority. I caused him much anxiety in those days, and although he loved me and was patient with me, I knew deep down that the distance that had grown between us was my fault, and I wanted to change. The more I thought about our marriage, the more I realized that my long-forgotten promise of obedience must be revived, but that I would need my husband’s leadership to teach me to behave myself as a lovingly obedient wife.
I considered what had stood in my way in the first few years of our marriage, and I soon found the culprits: my stubborn willfulness, my resistance to logic, and my demanding, childish behavior. The combination of my faults and weaknesses, once I admitted them to myself, added up to a clear realization: I would never be successful at obedience and submission without discipline. I was both reluctant and afraid to take the next step, but I knew it was necessary if we were ever to achieve true harmony. Finally, I did something: I wrote my husband a letter. I confessed my faults to him, and I admitted that my weaknesses had become obstacles in our marriage. I told him that I wanted to be a good wife, but that I would need his unrelenting authority and strict discipline to teach me. I was finally ready to submit to the lessons I needed to learn, but I didn’t know if my husband would take me seriously, as I had been far from serious about obedience in the past. Unsure of what his response would be, I gave him the letter.
After he read it, he took me in his arms and held me close for a long time. We talked about why our half-hearted efforts at obedience and discipline had failed in the past, and I confessed that my half of the commitment was missing, not his. He told me that he had not been able to lead me because I had not freely surrendered to his discipline: forcing me to obey and submit to him was dictatorship, not authentic leadership. He said if I was finally ready to give him my obedience, he would accept it, but that I would have to trust him and submit to his authority at all times, but particularly when he would discipline and punish me over his knee. I agreed.
We spent several of the following evenings discussing the rules I should follow, their benefits, and my consequences if I broke any of them. I sat at his feet taking notes as we examined my personality and misbehaviors. We agreed that the rules would be non-negotiable and that my punishments would always be his decision, not mine. I typed up the rules in another letter to my husband, and I presented the document to him the next night for his approval, which he lovingly granted. Here is my letter to him, printed in italics:
Written Promises to My Husband
I made promises to you in our wedding vows, and I made a private promise to you, too: I promised to obey you as head of our household and head of our marriage. Although I haven’t been very obedient to you in the past, I renew that promise here, along with my acknowledgement of the consequences if I do not obey you, as well as my promise to submit to your constant discipline as you teach me to be a good wife to you.
I have long believed that I should obey you, but I am stubborn and have considered that obedience was too difficult to include in my life. What I have learned recently, however, is that obedience is much more desirable than obstinacy, and I promise you here, and in my words and actions, that I will obey you as my husband, and I will submit to your lifetime instruction, discipline, and punishment.
You have every right and obligation to expect my loving obedience and submission, but I will fail frequently, thereby needing your wise authority to teach me to behave. I both accept and expect frequent spankings and corner time when I disobey you, treat you disrespectfully, or otherwise displease you. Below are listed the rules for my behavior that we have agreed are necessary for me to follow, and I understand that these rules are no longer negotiable, and that I will be disciplined regularly as I learn to behave myself, and punished when I disobey.
1. I must obey you.
2. I must treat you with respect.
3. I must avoid impudence.
4. I must avoid tantrums.
5. I must avoid procrastination.
6. I must refrain from spending money without your permission.
7. I must show a positive attitude.
8. I must keep a daily discipline journal for your review.
9. I must follow a healthy diet and exercise plan.
10. I must submit to you, including when you discipline and/or punish me.
I fully realize and gratefully accept punishment spankings and corner time when I disobey, and I acknowledge that they will be very hard spankings. I also realize and freely accept the frequent maintenance spankings that you will give me to teach me to behave myself at all times. Likewise, I understand that you may give me prevention spankings when I might face temptation to disobey you.
Furthermore, I will confess to you in writing and in speech when I have disobeyed you, fully knowing that you will punish me and teach me to be obedient in the future. By confessing to you, I will be requesting a punishment spanking and asking your forgiveness. You deserve my love, obedience, and submission, and they are yours now and forever.
The promises, rules, and commitments made in this letter ushered in a new marriage for us. It wasn’t long, though, until I disobeyed a rule. Fortunately, however, I confessed that I had bought two new dresses without his permission, and I freely submitted to the consequences as I had promised. My husband put me over his knee, pulled my panties down, and gave me a hard spanking that lasted about 20 minutes nonstop. He sent me to the corner to think about the difference between hurtful behavior and a hurting bottom. As I stood facing the corner weeping, my mind throbbed as much as my burning bottom did. My first thought was that confession wasn’t so desirable and that I should avoid it in the future. But my promise letter was still fresh in my head, and my thoughts turned to its contents. My husband didn’t impose those promises on me: we determined the rules and consequences together, and we agreed that I needed to follow them. I remembered that I told my husband that I was ready to obey him and submit to his discipline. I thought about how pleased he was with my promises, and how displeased he was with my subsequent disobedience. I thought about what I had done — and what I had failed to do: I disobeyed the rule about not spending money without permission, but I also bought the dresses without his knowledge. Although I confessed, I had also been dishonest because I had made the purchase without asking him first. The pain on my bottom had moved to my mind as I realized what I had done: I had risked losing my husband’s trust and respect, just for a couple of dresses. After a while, he called me back to him and he returned me to my place over his knee, where I received a second spanking as long and hard as the first. This time, each stroke to my bottom burned a quick path to my mind and heart, and I cried as much out of remorse as from physical pain. My husband saw that I had truly learned my lesson, and he forgave me. The spanking was very intimate, but it was not erotic: it was punishment.
After my first real punishment spanking, I realized that I will always need my husband’s constant authority and discipline. The spanking affected more than my bare bottom: it reached my mind and attitude, and I began to improve, much to my husband’s delight. We both knew, however, that a long-established pattern of stubborn willfulness would not be corrected with a single spanking. My husband told me afterwards that I would be receiving the maintenance spankings every morning until he was satisfied with my improvement. I submitted to the spankings, and I improved, but we both noticed that I slipped into misbehavior more often on the days when our schedules prevented the daily maintenance spankings. The emerging truth was this: I am a wife who needs daily discipline. Fortunately, my husband is committed to giving me what I need: hard spankings over his knee every morning.
Here is our daily routine: Because we have different work schedules, I get up much earlier in the morning than my husband does. The first thing I do is write my husband a letter about many things important to our marriage: my thoughts, feelings, attitude, behavior, discipline, punishment, progress, failures, and so on. The letter serves as a written confession of my disobedience, misbehavior, and need for discipline and/or punishment. I discuss the benefits of the previous day’s spanking, and I review the events of the day, noting the details of my progress and failures. If I know I deserve punishment, I ask for it along with his forgiveness. I end each letter with words of love and a promise to behave myself and obey him. Later, when it is time to wake my husband, I take the letter and his first cup of tea to his bedside, retrieve his basket of spanking implements, remove my panties, and wake him with a kiss. I arrange the pillows for his comfort so that he can sit up, enjoy his drink, and listen as I sit on the edge of the bed to read my morning confession to him (if I am about to confess disobedience, I kneel before him). After I finish, I put the letter in a folder in my discipline journal, and he leans over to kiss and caress me and tell me whether I will receive a maintenance or punishment spanking that morning. Next, I rise, kneel on the edge of the bed, and we exchange kisses and words of love before I lift my nightie to fully expose my bare bottom and take my place over his lap. He always begins by spanking me with his hand, but he always selects at least two of the implements as he increases the intensity of my spanking. If he is giving me a maintenance spanking, he uses a large hairbrush and wooden spoon; if it is a punishment spanking, he chooses the belt and paddle. I try not to squirm, but if I do, he tells me to keep still and I apologize. It isn’t long before I am crying, and I sob quietly for the rest of my spanking. Sometimes after 10-15 minutes over his knee, my husband will instruct me to get up and go to my corner. I rise, keeping my nightie pulled up, and obey. Sometimes he scolds me while I am standing in the corner; sometimes he spanks me a little; other times he leaves me to myself to silently contemplate my behavior and attitude. After a time, he summons me back to his lap, and he gives me a second spanking. When he has determined that I have been properly punished, he gives me permission to get up. I thank him for my spanking, he forgives me for being disobedient, and we kiss, again exchanging words of love. I always promise to be good, and my morning spanking ends with my determination to live a good day as a lovingly obedient wife.
Always promising to be good doesn’t automatically produce good results, however, and I sometimes find myself over my husband’s knee for punishment when he gets home at night. A case in point: one day, a couple of months after my punishment for buying the dresses without permission, I discovered that I was short on cash. When I stopped to buy gasoline, I decided to help myself to $100 by pressing the “cash back” option on the credit card machine. I gave little thought to my sneaky scheme until later. That evening, my husband discovered my dishonesty and disobedience when he logged onto our internet banking system to move funds from one account to another. He immediately questioned me about my day’s spending activities, and I replied, “Oh, I stopped to buy gas.” “Gas prices must have gone up again,” he said, “The account shows a charge of $137. Maybe we need to sell the SUV and get you a smaller car.” I knew that I should have made a voluntary confession, but it was too late, and I would have to face considerable consequences for my behavior. “Go to the bedroom” were the next words that I heard. Shaking, I did as I was told: I got the spanking implements out, pulled my panties down, and automatically went to the corner to wait. And wait. About a half-hour later, my husband came into the room, but he said nothing. I said nothing, but I wasn’t quiet, for I was sniffling through my tears. He sat on the bed and summoned me. I was already sorry for what I had done, and I knew I deserved the punishment I would soon be getting. I dropped to my knees and made the confession that I should have made the moment my husband had arrived home from work. I apologized profusely, and my husband acknowledged my sincerity. “You’re sorry for disobeying me, and you’re sorry for sneaking, but you’re about to become even sorrier. Get over my knee,” he ordered. For a full 30 minutes he spanked me hard, first with his hand, next with the paddle (which I dread more than any other implement). It was hard to think about much at all during my spanking, for I was crying tears deeply-welled in my heart — and trying not to squirm. Extensive corner time followed, of course. I didn’t need to reflect on my disobedience and dishonesty, for I had already realized my regret. I did, however, need to think about why I had withheld my confession until my husband confronted me. What was I thinking? Did I think he wouldn’t find out? Was it acceptable for me to do as I pleased and ignore not only the rules, but my reverence and obedience to my husband, the man I loved? Not only would it have been better for me to confess on my own in terms of preventing additional punishment, but it would have been better to confess as a sign that I regretted my actions. When he instructed me to return from the corner, I asked his permission to speak. My request granted, I fell to my knees, dropped my head, and let my overdue confession flow. I told him that I was very sorry for disobeying him and for disrespecting him with my dishonest behavior. I said that I realized that I had offended more than the rules: I had offended him and our marriage by my rebellious and short-sighted behavior. I knew my spanking wasn’t over, but I wanted my husband to know that I understood my need for additional punishment, so I asked for more. He complied. Back over his knee I went, this time for a spanking administered exclusively by the paddle. I bit a pillow to keep from screaming, and I crossed my legs at the ankles to keep from squirming out of place. My husband didn’t scold me as he had during the first half of my spanking; instead he let the paddle do the talking as he delivered steady hard strokes while I cried into my pillow. Finally, after the second half-hour of spanking, my husband asked, “Are you going to be a good girl now?” “Yes” was all I could whisper, and then all was quiet. He put the paddle down and rubbed my burning bottom for a few minutes before giving me permission to get up. I thanked him for punishing me, and he forgave me with a kiss as he pulled me close to rest in his arms. I have disobeyed my husband since then, but so far, I have not been dishonest about it, and I have not failed to go to him as soon as possible and make my confession. I like to think that these are two lessons I will never need to be taught again, although I’m not so self-confident to think that I’m immune from any misbhavior.
Occasionally, it isn’t disobedience but impudence that leads me astray. A couple of months ago, for example, my husband and I bought a new sofa for the living room. I asked him to move the older one, a sofa bed, to one of the spare bedrooms upstairs. He said he’d need extra men, but that he doubted the sofa would make it through the hallway. To be certain, he measured the sofa bed, the hallway, and the corner turn at the top of the stairs. He returned to tell me that it would be impossible to move the bulky furniture as I requested. I had already made my mind up, however, and I bulked, pouted, and fumed. He explained the measurements to me, but I continued to protest. My husband told me to listen, but I shouted, “No! You listen!” Before I knew it, my husband had me by the hand and over his knee on the sofa bed. He pulled my panties down and spanked me hard, scolding me with each stroke. He sent me to get the paddle; when I returned, I saw that he had taken his belt off. Over his knee again, I squirmed and protested, which earned me additional spanking. Alternating between the belt and paddle, my husband continued until long after I stopped my impudent behavior and submitted to the punishment I clearly deserved. “You told me to listen. I am listening — I’m listening to the sound of impertinence sizzling away on your behind.” Eventually, he told me to get up and go to my corner in the bedroom, and I quickly did as I was told. He left me alone there for about 45 minutes before he called me to return to him in the living room. When he asked me what I had to say for myself, I knelt at his feet to beg his forgiveness for my outburst as well as for my disobedience during my punishment. He asked if I thought I needed another spanking; I replied, “If you say so.” “No, you must tell me if you need more,” he said. I nodded my head. He put me back over his knee, but he spanked me only long enough to restore the full burn to my bottom. Lifting me up, he gave his forgiveness — and his decision about what to do with the sofa bed: it would remain in the living room as a reminder of what I could expect if I ever raised my voice to him again.
Since then, my husband had kept a close eye on me. In order to help my him monitor my behavior (and misbehavior), I made a calendar to accompany my discipline journal. I mark the days when I receive spankings, and I note whether they are for maintenance, punishment, or prevention. I also record any rules I have broken. This way, my husband can determine at a glance when particular patterns of disobedience surface in a month’s time. For instance, this month’s calendar shows a few entries of “PS-9,” indicating that I have earned punishment spankings for breaking Rule #9, to exercise regularly. As a result, my punishments have been harder and longer, and we are seeing the resulting benefits.
I do not claim to be a perfectly obedient wife, but I do claim to be a fulfilled one. Submitting to my husband’s authority and discipline is good for me and for our marriage. The spankings have brought so many benefits that it would be difficult to list them all. They have taught me that, although my husband and I have equally important roles, we do not share equal power, and I am glad of that. I am emotional, while he is logical and wise. While both logic and emotion are important features of the human mind, they work better when integrated in relationships, and it is my husband’s logical mind that must lead me. I should note that my emotions do not suggest lack of intelligence: I can and do think for myself, but when it comes to marital harmony, I have gained a bit of wisdom myself: my husband knows what’s best for me and for our marriage, so I am free to trust his decisions, obey him without question, and submit to him for discipline and punishment.
One of the keys to my fulfillment as an obedient wife is the comforting knowledge that we found a structure that works for our marriage: the difference is vast between the early years and now. I will always need my husband’s authority, instruction, and discipline, and I feel safe, loved, and protected because he gives me what I need.
Christian Domestic Discipline is not a game for us, nor is it an obsession. Except for our morning half-hour devoted to my maintenance, we don’t dwell on the rules, who’s in charge, and who isn’t. We don’t have to: CDD is so smoothly incorporated into our marriage that we can enjoy each other’s loving company, perform our domestic and professional duties, spend time with family and friends, and engage in the activities that matter to us, all the while feeling strong in our conviction that our traditional marriage is perfect for us.
My story ends with this reflection: I am a lucky woman to be married to this incredible man. He worships the ground I walk on, and I adore him. Once I learned to love him with my obedience, our marriage not only improved, but most days feel like our honeymoon phase again. We act like a pair of teenaged lovers, and we can’t wait to see each other at the end of the day. I haven’t forgotten the early years, however: I get a lump in my throat when I remember the grief I caused my wonderful husband before I found a way to be a loving wife who honors her husband’s authority, even when his decisions don’t make sense to me. My punishment spankings are relatively rare now, not only because I want to avoid physical pain and humiliation, but also because I think more about pleasing my husband than figuring out schemes to get away with misbehavior. I’ve learned more about the nature of love, and I have found that submitting to my husband is the ultimate way to show him my love, for it is through submission that I freely give him all that a woman can give a man. In return, he has given me his love and devotion, and we are so very happy. Yes, I’m a lucky woman indeed.