Submission through Stress


If you read our New Years Resolutions 2017 post then you likely saw that one of my resolutions this year was to continue my “just say okay” resolution that I started last year. It’s one of those ongoing resolutions because it’s something that I’m hoping to improve on each year (or, really each month).


But, in my efforts to continue to improve on my “just say okay” resolution, as well as submission in general, I started thinking about why submission is hard. If it feels natural to be a submissive wife, and if it feels like the right thing to do (for me, personally) then why isn’t it easier? I made a short list of reasons, but one of the biggest ones I concluded was stress.

I think everyone will agree with me that the holidays are a great time of year…but also an incredibly stressful time. I know for me, at least, my stress level approached a record high this year with everything I had to do and no time. Trying to fit a million things in an already short day is no easy task. So, when my husband asks me to do something, or not to do something, and my stress levels are already high, it’s almost just as natural for me to roll my eyes and say, “okay, I’ll get to that later” (and then start making bets on the percentage of me actually getting to it within that day). Not very submissive-wife like, I know, but it’s the truth.

I’m blessed to have a husband that understands when I’m stressed, and tries his hardest to help minimize it where he can. But, that doesn’t mean that I get to stop being a submissive wife just because I’m overwhelmed, or stressed similarly to how it doesn’t mean that he gets to “give me a free pass” on things because of the circumstances either. It’s one of those “life must go on” moments, stress or not. Being an HOH doesn’t have an on/off switch, and being the submissive partner is the same way.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve likely experienced a similar situation where being submissive just isn’t at the forefront of your mind when stress and overwhelming day-to-day tasks take precedence. I’ve been there, trust me. So, I’ve put together some tips that might help you get back on track both with being submissive, and with domestic discipline, in the midst of stressful times.

1. Don’t be afraid to give yourself a time out. 

And, by time out, I don’t mean corner time (well, unless you want to, but that might be kind of odd I think). By time out, I mean don’t be afraid to take a break, walk away (preferably not in the middle of a discussion or conversation though) and unwind for a few minutes. It’s better to do that than to risk saying or doing something when you’re stressed that will get you in trouble. Sometimes just a 5-10 minute “reset” somewhere quiet will help you to be able to refocus and carry on about your day.

2. Stress relief spankings are your friend.

I would estimate a good 80% of submissive wives have a difficult time asking for stress relief spankings (although, full disclaimer, I don’t have any scientific research to back that statistic up – that’s just my opinion from discussing this with countless numbers of people over the years). I think it has something to do with a “mental block” of asking to be spanked, or the inability to separate a stress relief spanking from a punishment spanking. Although stress relief spankings are designed to be relatively infrequent (similar to punishment spankings – the more infrequent they are, the more it means that they are working effectively) they can, without a doubt, be useful in minimizing stress when things get too hectic or out of control. And, trust me, it’s way better to end your day with a stress relief spanking than a punishment one for failing to ask and then ending up breaking a rule.

3. Find an outlet. 

This can be anything – shopping, going to the gym/working out/running, taking a long shower, going out to lunch by yourself for an hour or so, going to the spa, reading a book, writing a journal, anything that helps you relieve stress. The sooner you find something that helps you unwind and decompress, the easier it will be for you to get back on track when it comes to things like submissiveness and domestic discipline.

4. Get support.

We’ve talked a lot on our site about the importance of support within domestic discipline. Having friends (whether online or in real life) who are also submissive wives can provide an unmatched amount of support and encouragement when times get tough. I have several friends that practice domestic discipline, and going to them when I’ve had a bad day is great because they understand and are able to help me through things in ways that non-domestic discipline friends might not be able to. While it’s awesome to have my husbands support, having friends who understand is also really beneficial.

5. Remember you aren’t perfect.

Sometimes the pressure of doing everything perfect, or like the image you have in your head of a good submissive wife, can be adding to your stress without you even realizing it. Getting in the mindset of not comparing yourself to other submissive wives and learning to forego the image in your head of a good submissive wife will go a long way in helping your stress, and increasing your willingness to submit to your husband. I totally understand (trust me!) that this is way easier said than done and we’ll talk about this further as the series goes on.

These are just a few of many tips that you might find useful in helping to combat stress as a submissive wife. With the holidays now over, and the new year underway, now is a great time to add some of these into your new years resolutions.

Happy new year everyone!


2 thoughts on “Submission through Stress

  1. Hello,
    Wonderful post as usual. My wife and I are new to using DD in our relationship. It’s been a slow process but the benefits have definitely been worth it. My wife has expressed a desire to communicate with other wives who use DD. Can you point us in the right direction? Any help you all could give us would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Hi Will,

      sorry for the late answer – I just saw this! This whish is very common, and it’s a good idea to connect with other DD couples.
      We’re working on a solution to facilitate meet-ups, and in the meantime I’d suggest you check out the forum (

      All the best and thanks for your comment! Hope to see you soon in the forum!

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