Spanking vs. Abuse: Clearing up misconceptions

It never fails – someone, or a group of people, will proclaim those in domestic discipline relationships/marriages as being in abusive relationships/marriages, or that they’re participating in sadistic or masochistic relationships/marriages, or declare the entire practice as bondage, or domestic violence, or some other type of accusation they feel they need to throw out there.  We understand their concerns.  Often times these individuals could voice their opinions in a much more appropriate way, but that’s just the way of the world these days.  We won’t get into our thoughts on that.

spanking-vs-abuse-misconceptions

For someone just hearing about domestic discipline for the first time, this thought process is an understandable one.  We wouldn’t expect a first-timer to understand everything about domestic discipline and what it entails, or what exactly it is.  On the same token, we don’t expect first-timers to understand what exactly abuse is, or what exactly sadism and masochism is, or what exactly bondage is, or what exactly domestic violence is.  On all of these subjects, including domestic discipline, opinions mold a person’s definition.  This entry is to address these topics and the misconceptions of them, and to provide facts.

Definitions will be taken from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary if you’d like to follow along.

Misconception #1: “Domestic discipline is BDSM under a different name.”

Definition of BDSMBondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism.

Definition of BondageSadomasochistic sexual practices involving the physical restraint of one partner.  In addition to this definition, sadomasochism is defined as the derivation of pleasure from the infliction of physical or mental pain either on others or one’s self.

Nowhere on this website is physical restraint advised, condoned, or recommended.  Furthermore, nowhere on this website is sexual gratification advised, condoned, or recommended when practicing domestic discipline.  By definition, Bondage is not the same thing as domestic discipline.

Definition of DisciplineTraining that corrects, molds, or perfects mental faculties and/or moral character.

Everywhere on this website is the correction of unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behaviors advised, condoned, and recommended.  By definition, discipline is the same thing as domestic discipline.

Definition of SadismA delight in cruelty.  In addition to this definition, cruelty is defined as martial conduct held to endanger life or health and to cause mental suffering or fear.

We’ve stated on this website that if one takes “delight” in domestic discipline, then they’re reading the wrong website.  We’ve also made it clear everywhere on the website the importance of comfort, love, support, communication, and reassurance in regards to your partner and their feelings when practicing domestic discipline.  By definition, sadism is not the same thing as domestic discipline.

Definition of MasochismPleasure in being abused or dominated.  We’ll go into the “abuse” factor later in this article, so we’ll set that part of the definition aside for the time being.

Again, we’ve stated on this website that if one takes “pleasure” in being punished or disciplined, then they’re reading the wrong website.  Nowhere on this website is abuse or domination advised, condoned, or recommended.  As we said earlier, we’ll get into abuse in just a moment.  By definition, masochism is not the same thing as domestic discipline.

Conclusion: After examining the definition of BDSM and the subsequent elements (and definitions of those elements) within, as well as the definition of domestic discipline, it’s quite clear that BDSM and domestic discipline are not the same thing.  In addition, the dictionary failed to go into aspects of BDSM such as collaring, slaves, restraints, and whips – all of which have never been mentioned as part of a domestic discipline relationship/marriage anywhere on this website.  Even the most intelligent presumptuous naysayer should be able to clearly see, after reading these definitions, that BDSM and domestic discipline are not the same thing.

Misconception #2: “Domestic discipline is abuse, and the submissive partner is too brainwashed to notice.”

The word abuse is broken into three categories: physical abuse, sexual abuse, and psychological abuse (or more commonly known as emotional abuse).  We’ll break down each category to cover the entire topic.

Definition of Physical AbuseInfliction of physical pain, discomfort, injury or physical coercion by using means of hitting, shoving, pushing, burning, or physical restraints.

Nowhere on this website is hitting, shoving, pushing, burning, or physically restraint advised, condoned, or recommended.  By definition, physical abuse is not the same as domestic discipline.

Definition of Sexual AbuseIllegal sexual contact that usually involves force upon a person without consent or sexual contact inflicted upon a person who is unable to give consent.

Nowhere on this website has sex been mentioned as part of domestic discipline.  In fact, it has been stated on this website that if sexual gratification is one’s interest, then they’re reading the wrong blog.  It has also been stated very clearly on this website, on countless occasions, that consent is needed from both partners to engage in a domestic discipline relationship/marriage.  By definition, sexual abuse is not the same thing as domestic discipline.

Definition of Psychological (Emotional) AbuseA form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to a behavior that is psychologically harmful.  In addition to this definition, the United States Justice Department defines psychological harm as emotionally abusive traits caused by using intimidation, threatening physical harm, threatening destruction of property, threatening to isolate one from family and friends, and forcing isolation from family and friends.

Nowhere on this website is intimidation, threatening tactics, or isolating anyone from friends and family advised, condoned, or recommended.  By definition, psychological (emotional) abuse is not the same thing as domestic discipline.

Definition of BrainwashingForcible indoctrination that induces someone to give up basic political, social, and religious beliefs and attitudes to accept contrasting regimented ideas.

Nowhere on this website are any political ideas, social ideas, or religious beliefs advised, condoned, or recommended.  Domestic discipline can be a religious belief (this would be referred to as Christian Domestic Discipline), but it isn’t always a religious belief.  We refer to this lifestyle as domestic discipline and not Christian Domestic Discipline for this exact reason.  Also, there is no such thing as an “anti-domestic discipline” church, nor any political party that specifically opposes domestic discipline.  Therefore, domestic discipline is not a contrasting regimented idea to any political, social, or religious belief.  By definition, brainwashing is not the same thing as domestic discipline.

Conclusion:  Abuse is a common term used by those who disagree with domestic discipline.  Often times these “abuse” claims are ignorant, presumptuous, uneducated, and not researched whatsoever.  We’ve done all the research, and the definitions prove that domestic discipline and abuse are not the same thing.

Misconception #3: “Domestic discipline is just a glorified name for domestic violence.”

There are two aspects to this – the definitions and the legal parameters.  Domestic violence is a crime almost everywhere in the world, and certainly in every state within the United States.  We’ll cover all legal aspects so we’re all perfectly clear on the difference between domestic discipline and domestic violence.

Definition of Domestic ViolenceThe habitual pattern of inflicting physical injury by one household member onto another.  In addition to this definition, violence is defined as the use of extreme force.

By legal standards, this definition is incorrect, which we’ll get to momentarily.  Regardless, nowhere on this website is a habitual pattern of domestic discipline described, advised, condoned, or recommended.  Furthermore, nowhere on this website is the use of extreme force advised, condoned, or recommended.  In fact, this website has made it perfectly clear, on countless occasions, that punishments are to only be administered when a mistake is made (not whenever the mood strikes a person), and is only to be done calmly and without force.  By this definition, domestic violence is not the same thing as domestic discipline.

LEGAL definition of Domestic Violence – Every state will have a different legal definition of domestic violence, but all will essentially say the same thing.  One state legally defines domestic violence as physically harming someone in the same household or placing another person in great fear by use of hitting, punching, pushing, shoving, choking, kicking, threatening with a weapon, rape, sodomy, electronic communication harassment, holding a person against their will, and stalking.

Nowhere on this website is hitting, punching, pushing, shoving, choking, kicking, threatening with a weapon, rape, sodomy, electronic communication harassment, holding a person against their will, or stalking advised, condoned, or recommended.  By LEGAL definition, domestic violence is not the same thing as domestic discipline.

Conclusion: Domestic violence is something that should be taken very seriously.  As we learned with the definition, domestic discipline does not fit that definition, and therefore is not domestic violence.  Domestic discipline cannot be called domestic violence if the practice is consensually agreed upon, and does not fit the definition – both legally and otherwise – of domestic violence.

Misconception #4: “Spanking is the same as beating/hitting.”

This is probably the most common misconception, and very easy to prove false.  All we need are the definitions.

Definition of SpankingTo strike especially on the buttocks with an open hand or implement.

Definition of BeatingAn act of striking repeated blows with the intent to severely injure or damage.

Definition of HittingDelivering a blow by action forcefully or suddenly.

Nowhere on this website is spanking advised, condoned, or recommended to be done with intent to severely injure or damage, nor is it advised, condoned, or recommended to be done forcefully or suddenly.  Spanking however, IS advised, condoned, and recommended to be done in a calm, safe, loving, healthy, controlled, and composed manner throughout this website.  By definition, spanking is not the same thing as beating, nor is spanking the same thing as hitting.

IN CONCLUSION

Even with these facts, definitions, and legal definitions right in front of people, there will always be those who disagree with domestic discipline, or make uneducated assumptions about the lifestyle.  Never will every man and woman walking the planet completely agree with domestic discipline and all it entails.  That is a fruitless battle that nobody should take on.  Even after reading this entry, there will STILL be people that make these assumptions, accusations and misconceptions.  The bottom line is there will always be someone that wants to prove you wrong, or negatively judge you for what you believe in, whether it be the domestic discipline lifestyle or something else.  Always.  That will never ever go away, which is an unfortunate and sad part of human nature.

This blog entry was not written to prove anyone wrong — it was written to educate those who may not have the appropriate resources, or who may not have the time to seek the truth about what they’re accusing or implying.  We live in judgmental societies and a judgmental world, unfortunately.  That’s just the fact of the matter.  People will continue to judge based on opinion rather than fact.

If you disagree with domestic discipline, then don’t do it.  It’s as simple as that.  We that live this lifestyle won’t judge you for not practicing.  All we ask in return is that you don’t judge those who DO practice, particularly when you have no factual information to back up your assumptions or misconceptions.

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