Spanking issues: negotiating

Once the head of the household has decided to spank their partner for an infraction, it’s not uncommon for the submissive partner to try to negotiate down the severity of the forthcoming spanking, or negotiate themselves out of the spanking entirely.  They may start negotiations by saying something along the lines of, “This mistake wasn’t that bad, honey.  I mean, it’s not that big of a deal…“, or “At least I didn’t do (something more serious) which would have been much worse…“, or “I did a really good job of handling the spanking last time so you should give me a little break for that.  This spanking shouldn’t be as bad as the last one since I handled the last one so well…”  They’re trying to downplay the severity of the infraction, or find reasons to persuade the HoH to lighten up on the severity of the spanking.  We can’t say we blame them, but it’s important the HoH put a stop to this as soon as it happens.


Generally speaking, the submissive partner attempting to negotiate the spanking leads to more and more frustration and impatience from the HoH, which could lead to an unnecessary argument.  A reasonable and calm lecture should certainly take place before the spanking, however in order to keep the lecture constructive, these negotiation tactics from the submissive partner should not be a part of it.  These negotiation tactics show a lack of respect of the decision the HoH has made to spank, and naturally that can be very frustrating, disappointing and insulting to the HoH.

The idea is to keep things productive through this process, not make things more difficult for both partners.  Negotiation attempts from the submissive partner make things more difficult and create unnecessary problems.  Plain and simple.

The submissive partner most definitely is NOT all to blame in this situation.  The biggest reason something like this happens in the first place is because the HoH inconsistently enforces the rules.  Inconsistent enforcement of the rules sends the message that the submissive partner has influence over how the rules are enforced, and how the punishments will be administered.  When the submissive partner has this mentality, they believes their influence will lessen the HoH’s perception of the severity of both the infraction and subsequent punishment.  This belief is where negotiation tactics are born.  So, HoHs, this is just another reason why consistent enforcement of the rules is crucial in a domestic discipline relationship.  Bothersome negotiation tactics are likely a result of the HoH being inconsistent.

How do I address my partner’s negotiation tactics?

It starts with the lecture.  At some point during the lecture process, the submissive partner started deflecting the severity of their offense.  The HoH needs to stop those deflection attempts before they begin.  “We both know a major mistake was made, so I don’t want to hear anything about how this isn’t a serious problem.  I’ll tell you before we even get started that you’re negotiation attempts aren’t going to work, so I wouldn’t even try if I were you.  That would just make this harder for us both.

Even with the upfront warning, the submissive partner may still attempt to negotiate the punishment.  As soon as this happens, it’s recommended the HoH immediately interrupt the lecture and punish for it.  We recommend starting with corner time and escalate as needed from there.  Once the corner time punishment is carried out, the HoH then picks up the lecture where it left off and continues on with the spanking process.

It’s important that both partners remember this fundamental domestic discipline principle – the submissive partner chooses their behaviors, the HoH chooses the consequences.  If the submissive partner chooses to negotiate the punishment after being warned not to do so, the HoH then chooses what punishment ensues for that infraction.  The submissive partner was given a choice, and their choice was to ignore the HoH’s warning and attempt negotiations anyway.  The submissive partner needs to understand that any negotiation tactics aren’t going to influence how the punishment will be carried out, and the best way to ensure that is by the HoH initially warning them during the lecture that negotiations won’t work, and then punish immediately if any negotiation tactics are attempted.

This was the second installment of the “Addressing Spanking Issues” series.  For the first installment, please click on the link below.

  • The basics of Submission

      Even before Clint and I began domestic discipline I knew what a submissive wife was. Well, let me rephrase […]

  • The Importance Of Crying and Tears

    We’ve always found it difficult to stress the importance of the submissive partner crying at some point during the spanking […]

  • How We Do Corner Time!

    I (Clint) remember thinking, when first starting out with domestic discipline, that the corner time punishment was a little ridiculous […]

  • How To Deal With A Disobedient Wife – Part 1

    One of the biggest problems that couples face when trying to establish a proper Loving Domestic Discipline structure in their […]

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