Saturday: 3 Questions all submissives should ask!

Welcome to week 1 of our new series, Submissive Saturdays.

This series has been in the works for a few months now, and although we’ve been really excited to launch it, it hasn’t been easy. I have a list of close to 70 different post ideas for this series, yet I keep crossing some off and adding others based on what I feel like at the time. Adding this new series to Learning Domestic Discipline has been one of the most challenging we’ve done because it’s caused me to really take a look at submission within my own marriage and ask myself if I’m sure I’m really qualified to even do a series like this. So, even though my self-confidence with this right now isn’t that great, what I am confident about is that this series will  be beneficial to a lot of people, including myself.


To kick off the Submissive Saturdays series I thought the best thing to do would be to start with the basics.

  • What is submission?
  • Why would a person want to be a submissive partner?
  • What does submission look like?
  • What is and what is not submission?

But, before we get to all of those (next week) there are 3 big questions that you need to ask yourself, and your partner.

It’s important to note that there are no right or wrong answers. These are questions posed to help you dive deeper in your thinking of what a submissive partner is, and what type of submissive partner you want to be.

Why do I want to be submissive?

What is it about being a submissive partner that is appealing to you? Not your partner. You. Why do you want this? Being able to identify why you want to be a submissive partner will help you to better understand what type of submissive partner you want to be (yes, there are different types, but we’ll get to those later). Make as long, or as short, of a list as you want. For me, the reasons are very basic. It feels right to me, it makes me happy to serve my husband, and it makes me feel like a great wife, which is what I’ve always wanted to be in life (that, and a mom). But, for others the reasons might be significantly deeper, and that’s okay. This is about you and why you want to be a submissive partner.

What are my strengths and weaknesses? 

When it comes to submission, and relationships in general, everybody has their strengths and weaknesses. Being able to identify what areas you’re strong in, and in what areas you feel needs improvement, will help create a road map into becoming the submissive wife that you want to be (based on your answer to the above question). Try to create this list on your own, without the temptations of asking your partner, “hey honey, what do you think my weaknesses are?” (because I know how tempting that is!). This is about you, remember?

What do you want in a submissive partner?

The two questions above are geared specifically towards you, however this third question is aimed specifically at your partner. About a year ago a submissive wife emailed me a pretty lengthy (but great) email about how being a submissive wife had changed her marriage and throughout the course of her story she mentioned something that really stuck with me. She said she had been trying to be a submissive partner for over a year based on her terms, and it seemed to be going “so-so” (as she put it). One day she had the idea to just flat out ask her husband what he wants in a submissive partner. Just an honest, real, raw and open conversation about what he wanted, and the results shocked her. He was able to list things that she never thought of, or had never ranked as important. Her conclusion was that all submissive partners should take the time, from the beginning, to ask their partner that one simple, but often overlooked question. What do you want in a submissive partner?

After reading her experience I came to a similar conclusion she did – while it seems so simple to ask that question, many submissive partners don’t. Their answer as to why not is likely because they think they know what their HOH will say, but they might be shocked at the results.

Being a submissive partner has many misconceptions, and one of those is that it is all about the HOH – what they want, how they feel and what they say. This couldn’t be further from the truth, so please don’t misunderstand the above question as one that proves that misconception to be true. While asking your partner what they want in a submissive partner is unbelievably important, it is equally as important that you take a look at what you want out of a submissive marriage. This is as much about you, if not more, as it is about your HOH.

After you’ve asked yourself (and your partner) those 3 questions you’ll be ready to move onto next week’s post, which is an overview of submission, the basics of being a submissive partner, and more.

In the meantime, we hope everyone has a wonderful holiday week! We’ve got a big announcement included in tomorrow’s personal post, so check back for that tomorrow morning.

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