A – Z: Our top 10 most popular personal questions … answered!

Welcome to day 1 of the A-Z Blog Challenge! If you’re new, a short recap of how it work is that every day throughout the month of April, with the exception of Learning Domestic Discipline’s Birthday Weekend, we’ll be posting a different personal post based on a letter of the alphabet. And, thousands of other bloggers have joined in the fun too! Are you one of them? If not, it isn’t too late to sign-up and you can do so here.

Almost two years ago we began Learning Domestic Discipline, and since then we’ve had the privilege of meeting some incredible people, hearing them share their domestic discipline stories, sharing our story, and hopefully helping some people along the way. It’s been a rewarding journey, and we can’t wait to see what the future holds for Domestic Discipline.

Throughout that time, we’ve been asked a lot of questions. And, by a lot, you guys don’t know just how many. Everything under the sun, guys. It’s been crazy. So, today we’ve compiled our top 10 most popular personal questions all in one spot for you guys.

Question 1: How often does Chelsea get spanked?

For whatever reason, people are immensely curious about how often Chelsea gets spanked, and how it happens. This is something we’ve encountered pretty much since day one of beginning Learning Domestic Discipline, and it’s still the most popular question we receive when it comes to personal ones.

Our honest answer is that it probably doesn’t happen as often as one may think. Domestic discipline may seem like it is the focus of our lives, due to the amount of time and commitment Learning Domestic Discipline takes, but in fact it isn’t. When we first began domestic discipline, spankings were a lot more common. But, now that we have been practicing it for quite some time, spankings have dwindled down to once every 1-2 months. However, under normal circumstances, Chelsea gets punished usually about once a week but isn’t usually spanking – that can be anything from lecturing, to grounded, to corner time, writing lines/essays, etc. Spankings are significantly more rare.

Question 2: What implements do you use, and where do you keep them?

Implements are another hot topic that seem to come up incredibly frequently. Our guess is because everyone uses different implements, and so it is fascinating to some to hear what we use. That’s just a guess.

The most common implements we use are the hand, wooden spoon (primarily for warm-ups) and paddle. We also have a cane, tilt wand, and strap that is used occasionally, although not often and typically only reserved for severe offenses. However, over the years we have also used implements such as a hairbrush, but we have transitioned out of using them now.

We keep all our implements in our closet. We’re not really sure why, it’s just where they’ve all ended up over the years, so it’s easy for us to remember.

Question 3: How do you (Clint) remain consistent?

Consistency is something that we receive a lot of questions on. We plan to cover this topic a little more in-depth later in the month, but for now, we will say that consistency hasn’t always been easy. Like everyone has (or will at one point) encountered at one time or another, we’ve experienced two (that come to mind) instances of inconsistency, but thankfully we’ve been able to overcome those.

There are certain offenses that Clint has no tolerance for and will punish for every time. Those are easy to remain consistent with because they are so important. Other less severe offenses are harder to stay consistent with (the “smaller stuff”) but I remind myself that if I let things go it disrupts my marriage. So, I tell myself that I must remain consistent in order to be a good leader and a man of my word. I also don’t want my wife to get mixed signals about what behaviors are, and are not, okay. So, I tell myself that I need to remain consistent to keep everything running smoothly in my marriage. Punishing can be frustrating and inconvenient at times, but I know it must be done.

Question 4: What is the most common thing Chelsea gets punished for?

This is a difficult one for us to answer, as it has changed so much throughout the years as we have encountered different issues. In the beginning, we worked hard at addressing the procrastination issue. There have also been numerous safety related incidents, such as texting while driving and speeding.

Chelsea most commonly gets punished for car related offenses, currently. She has kicked the texting while driving habit, for the most part, thankfully, but she still drives too fast and thus gets pulled over more often than she should. If Chelsea gets spanked, it is usually in part to something dangerous that she did.

The most common smaller issue that results in smaller punishments is just general attitude related issues, which typically occur when she is overly stressed and fails to think before she speaks or acts.

Question 5: How do you have time for Learning Domestic Discipline?

We get this question a lot from two types of people: those who are considering beginning a blog, or who currently have a blog, and wonder how we’re able to handle it all and those who are readers (without a blog) who are amazed that we’re able to keep up with Learning DD in between everything we have going on.

The short answer is we make time because it’s important to us. As we’ve stated in previous posts, most of Learning Domestic Discipline is ran when our kids are napping in the afternoon or asleep at night. But, there is still so much that goes into Learning Domestic Discipline, especially “behind the scenes”, and so sometimes it isn’t always possible to do everything when our kids are asleep. Therefore, we have times throughout the week where one of us can go into our office and get a few things done for a couple of hours. This is also how we get a lot of our books written (and why they take so long to write!).

Really, it’s all about making time. While other couples may choose to watch movies every night or whatnot, we (mostly) work on Learning Domestic Discipline. So, it’s really no different than how you and your spouse may spend your “free time”. Ours is just spent on something different..and totally rewarding.  We love DD, and that makes “going to work” fun!

Question 6: What is the hardest spanking Chelsea has ever received?

A couple of years ago Chelsea moved a pretty large sum (6 figures) of money into a separate account without Clint’s knowledge. Eventually, he discovered it (not right away) and it created several problems within our relationship. Although Chelsea’s intentions behind moving the money were good, we can both recognize that Clint should have been informed (at the very least!) first. The spanking was definitely hard, but the issue has never arose again and we were both able to learn from it, put it behind us and move on. If you’re curious on the details of that spanking, we know we’ve written about it a time or two before. If you search the blog, it should come up.

Question 7: Is it hard to be so open about domestic discipline?

This is a question that became very popular after we announced that most of our family and friends know about our domestic discipline marriage, and Learning Domestic Discipline. Some readers were shocked, and most were curious how (and why!) we did something as “brave” (readers words, not ours) as that.

Is it hard? Not really now, but it was at first. It’s always a little nerve-racking because you think of things like, “how is this person going to respond?” and “am I explaining this right?”. So, the first few times that we told people were definitely difficult. But, since then, we’ve become “better” at it (for lack of a better word) and it isn’t hard anymore. The biggest thing we’ve realized is that we don’t need peoples approval for our marriage. What we do works great for us, and we think everyone can see that. We have a rock solid marriage, and that isn’t just due to domestic discipline, but it definitely plays a part in it, and that’s something that we think makes it easier for people to understand why and how this lifestyle works.

It also helps that most people we know “in real life” who know about our domestic discipline relationship also read our site. So, that means we rarely have to explain anything to them because they can read it all directly from Learning DD, which makes it easier on us. Although, we will admit, this also works against us because sometimes it’s challenging to write posts that you know people like your parents or best friends may read.

Question 8: How do you (Chelsea) hold still during a spanking?

This question seems to come up all the time, and it’s hard for me to answer because I don’t know why, specifically, I’m able to hold still. That’s the honest answer. The best way I can explain it is that I think I’m able to hold still because of two reasons.

The first is because I have it in the back of my head what happens if I don’t hold still, which is that it could make the spanking worse (or longer). Those are things that I definitely don’t want to happen, and therefore it helps me to remember to try to hold still.

The second is that I’m able to focus my mind on different things other than the spanking itself. Since we primarily use the blended spankings method, there is lecturing in the middle of the spanking (among other times) and that helps to keep my mind focused on what happened, and why it shouldn’t have happened. If I focus on that, and less on the actual pain from the spanking, it makes it easier to hold still.

I also want to point out though that Clint doesn’t require or expect perfection, in any way, during a spanking. So, if I do move around a little bit it usually isn’t a big deal. The only time it becomes a problem is if it’s so much so that it endangers my risk of getting unintentionally hurt due to him striking somewhere else (on accident) because I was moving around. If he feels that could happen, that’s when the moving around becomes an issue.

Question 9: How do you (Clint) get over the mentality of “I don’t want to hurt my wife”?

This has been an age-old question from probably 75% of HOH’s we’ve ever talked to. It’s something people are definitely curious about and we can understand why. The male brain is usually naturally wired to never want to hurt a woman, so spanking (and domestic discipline in general, at times) seem to go against that which make it a major hesitation for those beginning the lifestyle.

At this point, since we’ve been doing domestic discipline for so long, the feeling doesn’t arise often. But, in the beginning it was hard to overcome the thought. Since Chelsea was the one who gave the push for us to try domestic discipline I told myself, “this is what she wants, so I’m willing to do it for her.” I figured she would want it to stop after the first spanking, but she didn’t. We both saw how incredible the results were first hand, and that made it much easier to spank after that. It was still tough at first, but the way living the lifestyle has changed our marriage and brought Chels and I closer together has made overcoming that hesitation much easier over time.

Question 10: How hard do you (Clint) spank?

Spanking can be a difficult thing to explain online, no doubt. Often times when we talk about when, or how, Chelsea got spanked the question of how hard it was done comes up. A “hard spanking” to us may mean a horrendously hard spanking to another couple, or a lighter spanking to someone else. It’s something that people are, for whatever reason, definitely curious about and the strength is difficult to put into words.

If I’m going to spank Chelsea, that means the offense is either repeated and other punishments aren’t working, or it means that the offense was serious enough for it to never be able to happen again. Therefore, I spank what I would consider very hard, and Chelsea would agree. On a scale from 1-10, with 10 being the hardest I could possibly strike, I would say I spank at about a 7 or so. I start at about a 4 or so, but by the end of the spanking I’m striking at approximately a 7.

So there you have it. These 10 questions have came up time and time again over the past four years, so it’s nice to have them all compiled in one place for people to reference if you were curious.