It’s pretty much a given that, at some point during (or after) the spanking I hear the phrase – “is this ever going to happen again?” or “am I ever going to need to spank for this again?”. It’s become routine over the years.
My answer to either of those questions is always “no”. I mean, let’s be honest here, does anyone really answer that with a yes? Just like it’s become routine to hear those sorts of questions before the spanking ends (or, right after it) it also has become a habit for me to blurt out no without truly thinking about it. Call it a flaw if you must, or a complete failure in thinking before I speak (which, admittedly, is not one of my strong points).
The truth of the matter is that the offense has the potential to happen again.
Sure, there have been times where I’ve been spanked for an offense one time and, to this day, it has never occurred again. But, there are other offenses where it has reoccurred at some point in the future. A few examples of these would be texting while driving (that was a hard habit to break!), speeding, and other habitual type behaviors that one spanking likely won’t fix.
When we first started domestic discipline I had this vision in my head of getting punished for an offense, the slate being wiped clean, us moving on and being so proud that it never happened again. Things like texting while driving I thought would stop instantly, and same with cussing..one spanking should be all it takes, right?
I think Clint and I quickly realized that the thought of all offenses only taking one spanking to correct was an unrealistic expectation and, I’ll admit, it was pretty discouraging at first. It was confusing because I knew the spankings were working and I saw a decrease in the frequency of them (which was definitely a good thing) but I didn’t understand why I would get spanked every few months for the same offense. Was it something Clint was doing wrong? Or, was it me? A mix of both? Or was this just how domestic discipline was designed to work?
Although it took a couple of years, I eventually figured out that it wasn’t solely Clint, and it wasn’t solely me. The way he was spanking was effective, even if I knew the anti-DD critics would be shouting from the rooftops that there’s no way the spanking could be working if it was having to be a repeated thing. I’ll admit, it was hard not to believe that from time to time.
So, I did some thinking and discovered that it was effective based on the following reasons:
- Mindset. To me, the biggest thing has always been that I want to (and need to) be in a submissive mindset at all times. If I’m not, things start spiraling out of control and I don’t think either Clint nor I are as happy. Our family just starts to not function as well is the easiest way I can put it. What I’ve come to learn is that the spanking, no matter how frequent it occurred, really does bring that mindset to the forefront. Even if the spanking isn’t for something like attitude, it still is really effective at reminding me the roles that we’ve chosen for our marriage, and that’s important to me.
- Deterrence. We’ve said before, many times, around Learning Domestic Discipline that spankings really should be a deterrent to negative behavior, and I’ve definitely experienced first hand how it can be. Instead of thinking, “well, it’s fine if I send this one text while driving because if Clint does find out it’s just a spanking, right?” it switches to “I really, really don’t want to deal with a spanking tonight. The text can wait. It’s definitely not worth a spanking.” I’ve actually learned, over the years, that there’s pretty much nothing worth getting spanked over.
- Behavior. And finally, the behavior does change, even if it doesn’t seem like it at first or even if it takes awhile. With habitual behaviors it definitely takes longer than offenses that haven’t yet became a habit. But, eventually the behavior does change and we’re able to start seeing results immediately which is nice. For example, even though I still get spanked for driving related offenses every now and again, the spankings have drastically decreased. When no texting while driving first became a rule I got spanked for it sometimes weekly. Now it’s a few times a year (if that).
I’ve learned to not get so discouraged when repeat offenses happen, and not be so quick to jump to the conclusion that I’m a complete failure of a wife, or that my husband is just not punishing correctly because neither one of those is accurate. It’s taken several years to get to the point of realizing that it’s okay if spankings do occur again, and that when Clint asks the infamous “am I ever going to have to spank for this again?” or if the offense is ever going to happen again that it’s okay to answer with no, because that’s where my intent truly is. I don’t ever plan on the offense happening again, and that’s the truth.
If you’ve struggled with feeling guilty, ashamed, or frustrated with the fact that you’ve been spanked for repeated offenses before, I encourage you not to. I know that’s easier said than done, and it’s hard to remember sometimes that we aren’t perfect. The saying is true – you’re your own worst critic. But it is also true that no one is perfect, and that domestic discipline is never designed to make you feel like a failure, or inadequate. I recommend doing something similar to what I did, which is think about the ways that spanking does help and become content with that.
And, if your HOH asks if the offense is ever going to happen again, answer with what your intent is and strive for that intention, not for perfection.