A few months ago we were standing outside of a car dealership (in the ridiculous heat and humidity of North Carolina) and I wasn’t happy (that might be an understatement). We had just spent the better part of 2 hours looking at cars, and we had drastically different opinions on what we wanted. I wanted an SUV (and a super cute looking one at that!) because that’s what we were used to having and with kids it just seemed so much more practical while my husband was all about fuel efficiency – and that’s something that most SUVs didn’t have.
As we were walking around the dealership, Clint pointed out a few options he liked and it wasn’t that I was opposed to something with great fuel efficiency but the ones he was looking at just made no sense. “We have kids!” I kept pointing out.
And then it was time to take some for a test drive, and the first one we took was the one Clint ended up liking. A lot. So much so that, fast forward to the end of car dealership adventure when we were standing there, outside the dealership. “That’s the one I think we should go with.” He explained, listing the numerous reasons why. It was a great company (and a company that I actually liked), it had great reviews, it was super fuel efficient, had plenty of space for our boys and it was loaded with upgrades and features. I had to admit, he had a point, but it wasn’t an SUV. It just wasn’t what I had my heart set on. And, besides, we were in the process of selling our SUV so to switch to something else I just really didn’t like the idea of.
I could tell Clint wanted to buy it right then and there, but I really wasn’t so sure. I didn’t love it, that was for certain. I mean, the trunk did look big, but do you know how much stuff our kids need? I kept thinking about the strollers, diaper bags, suitcases for traveling, and the list goes on. Plus the car costs just as much (if not more..) than an SUV would have. So was it really worth it?
The drive home from the dealership was a little rough.
I knew, on a big decision like this, I needed to just defer to my husband and trust that the decision he was making was in the best interest of our entire family, but that is so much easier said than done. This is a car we are talking about – a really big, really expensive purchase. Was I really ready to hand over the reins on a decision as big as this, or did I want to “fight” for the SUV and in the end hope he caved in?
A few days went by and it was really nearing time when we needed to make a decision on what car/SUV to purchase. I was still not on board with the one Clint wanted, but I could understand his point of view on it. I took the approach of “well, if this turns out to be a horrible idea, then we can always get an SUV later.” So off to the dealership we went, and we purchased the car he decided on. I’ll admit, it didn’t feel like the right decision at the time. Driving off the lot of the dealership I remember thinking “maybe I should have pushed harder for that SUV..” and driving past the one I wanted as we left didn’t help.
But in the weeks and months that went on, I grew to love our car. The features it has are awesome, and not having to get gas every other day is a huge bonus. Oh, and it has plenty of room (and then some!) for our kids stuff – much more than our previous SUV had! I have to admit, Clint was right. It was a really good idea.
This instance got me thinking – why was it so hard for me to trust him on that decision?
His reasons made so much sense, and even though I saw his point of view at the time, I was still too stubborn to move forward with buying that car at first. I didn’t want it to turn into a power struggle, but with such a big decision like that I just wasn’t willing to let go, and I couldn’t figure out why. Why was it so hard to turn over a decision to someone who I’ve trusted to make these type of decisions?
And then it finally hit me. It was hard because if it was the wrong decision it would really impact our family. It would have been a significant financial hit, and a lot of unneeded stress. This was different than trusting him to swing by the grocery store and pick up something on his way home from work. This was a huge decision.
But being a submissive wife isn’t just about trusting your HOH on the small decisions, or trusting your HOH when it is convenient for you. I know, that is way easier said than done, trust me. I still struggle with it to this day. I’m not saying every decision my husband has ever made has been perfect, or the right one. There’s a long list of great decisions he’s made, but there’s also a list of decisions where I expressed my opinion, he took it into consideration and made a final decision that, in the end, turned out to not be so great. What I’ve learned, and am continuing to learn, is that part of being a submissive wife is encouraging the great decisions, and sticking by the bad ones.
There have been times where I’ve been so tempted to be like “I told you so!!” but I stopped myself because that just sounds so..bad. Being an HOH doesn’t give him immunity from making poor decisions (in my opinion), and he needs me to be his supportive wife in those moments in the same way I need him to be supportive and loving to me when I make less than intelligent choices.
Learning to let go of the control is a continual process, and something that I think/hope I get stronger at with each passing year that we do domestic discipline. But, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It can be hard to let someone else make the final decisions on such important decisions in life – but I wouldn’t have it any other way because the person making those final decisions is someone who has shown me time and time again that he has my best interest, and our family’s best interest at heart. And that, right there, is why I love him.