Some submissive partners view submission as a private, behind closed doors type of thing, while others believe it is a part of your relationship and lifestyle that cannot be flipped off and on. There is no right or wrong way to view submission, but those who view it as the latter often inquire about different ways to show submission while in public.
It’s important to first understand why a submissive partner would want to be submissive to her HOH while in public. The reasons vary greatly from person to person, but the most common reason is that the submissive partner views submission as a natural thing, and therefore they have difficulty flipping it “off” while in public scenarios. Others do it as a respect thing, and some do it because their HOH requests it.
Remember that submission comes in many different formats. To briefly recap them, there are physically submissive partners who are eager to serve and obey the commands and wishes of their HOH, there are emotionally submissive partners who desire to serve their HOHs wants and emotional needs, not necessarily physical tasks and there are sexually submissive partners who have a desire to serve in the bedroom. Obviously, for the purposes of this post, we aren’t referring to sexually submissive partners.
So, what are some ways you can show physical and emotional submission in public? Below is a short list that will hopefully cause you to help brainstorm some personal ideas for your own relationship.
Listen, obey, respect
These three words might seem like they’re overused in virtually every post that deals with submission and the truth of the matter is that they are. Those 3 words sum up a lot of what the role of being a submissive partner is and they are 3 crucial components to submission that shouldn’t be overlooked, regardless of public vs. private situations. How you behave towards your HOH at home shouldn’t change out in public when it comes to these three things. In public, if you are asked to do (or not to do) something, do it with a joyful attitude and not one that conveys disrespect.
Let your HOH continue being in charge
This may be easier said than done in some public situations. I’ll use an example (with permission from the writer) that comes from a message we received. In it, the submissive partner (we’ll call her “A”) explains an incident her and her husband (and HOH who we will call “B”) encountered at the state fair over the summer. Parking was bad, but A was insistent on paying in one of the numerous paid parking lots just to get out of the car and attend the fair, but B viewed it as a waste of money and kept driving until he eventually found a free spot relatively far from the fairgrounds. Long story short, A was very upset that B didn’t listen to her on this topic, and thus the rest of their day was rough.
In that situation, and really in all situations like the above, it’s important to remember that the “HOH hat” doesn’t get taken off when your car starts. Part of this lifestyle means that your role is to support and trust the decisions that your HOH makes, whether at home or out and about. However, the reason I stated this can be easier said than done is because often times the tasks and decisions faced at home are easier to accept than when you are out running errands, on vacation, and more. In those situations, it’s common for the submissive partner to feel the desire to control more than at home.
Letting go of the control and decision-making while out in public can take some time, and can be a process. One thing that may really help is the count to five method (see below).
Count to five
The “count to five” method is when the submissive partner mentally counts to five before responding to their HOH, or reacting to a decision that he has made. For example, in the parking example I listed above, if “A” would have counted to five before she reacted to “B’s” choice there’s a good chance that the situation wouldn’t have escalated into an argument.
Counting to five doesn’t mean that the submissive partners viewpoint on the topic is going to change in those five seconds. I think we can all agree that would be a tad bit unrealistic. However, what it can do is allow the submissive partner a few seconds to think about the reaction, and the word choices she is about to use. Thinking before you speak or act is a golden rule in all relationships, and it is no different for domestic discipline ones as well.
During those few seconds, think of things like how does what you’re about to say, or how you’re about to act, come across to your HOH? Is it going to come across as helpful, and loving or disrespectful and controlling?
To sir or not to sir in public?
Using the word “sir” at home is one of those topics that everyone seems to have an opinion on, and in public it is no different. My advice in this situation is to defer to your HOH and what he prefers. Some HOHs prefer that their submissive partners use “yes sir” and “no sir” while in public and at home because it helps to keep them in that submissive mindset, and encourages positive decision making while in public as well. It also helps the submissive partners mind to be focused on things like submission and domestic discipline. However, on the flip side, some HOHs prefer that it not be used because it can lead to questions from family members and friends (especially those who do not know about the domestic discipline lifestyle). There are valid points to both sides of the argument, and that is why I say that it is typically best to go with what the HOH prefers in this scenario (with the submissive partner’s opinion taken into consideration, of course).
If you wouldn’t say/do it in private, don’t say or do it in public
As a general rule of thumb, it’s a good idea to remember the above motto. If the action, or statement, you’re about to do/make is not something you would do in private then it is likely not something you should be doing while out in public either. Often times it can be easy for the submissive partner to temporarily forget about domestic discipline, and the rules, while in public because the HOH cannot hold them accountable and/or remind them in the same ways that he could at home. Therefore, it can be easier for rules to get broken or disrespectful statements to be made that wouldn’t normally happen. By keeping this statement in mind, or implementing it as a rule, it can help to ensure that the same rules and mindsets held at home are applied to public scenarios as well.
Showing submission in public is definitely more tricky than showing submission at home, but it can be done. Think of the things that you do to show submission at home, and how that can translate to a public situation. For example, if you always serve your HOH dinner at home, make an effort to make his plates at get togethers in public, or serve him first at a restaurant before yourself. These are just small examples of changes you could make to the submissive behaviors you already do at home that could go a long way.
Exercises for the week:
Make a list of 5 submissive behaviors that you do at home and translate those into 5 submissive behaviors you could do in public.
Ask your HOH the following questions:
- What are your thoughts and opinions on the word “sir” in public?
- On a 1-10 scale, how do you feel I do with showing submission in public currently?
- When you think of submission in public what are some character traits you think of?