How To Deal With A Disobedient Wife – Part 1

One of the biggest problems that couples face when trying to establish a proper Loving Domestic Discipline structure in their relationship is that the woman will sometimes do everything in her power to try to disrupt the disciplinary process, even though it is usually she who asked for this structure in the first place. Sometimes a female will do this because she is simply trying to avoid or reduce the pain of her spanking. At other times, it will be because she is unconsciously trying to test the resolve of her man, to see if he really has what it takes to be the Head of the Household. Either way, her disobedience is a harmful and negative behavior which should be strongly discouraged by the Head of the Household (HOH).


This is a longer post (3000 words).  Please find the respective chapters by clicking on the anchor:

Disobedience Discipline

Women’s wishes

When to use Disobedience Discipline

Disobedience Discipline: Other situations

How should Disobedience Discipline be executed?



Disobedience Discipline

The simplest way to deal with feminine disobedience during the disciplinary process is by using something called a Disobedience Discipline. A Disobedience Discipline is an additional or extra punishment given for disobedience before, during or after a Loving Domestic Discipline spanking. It is a technique designed to discourage the woman from being disobedient during the very process that is meant to improve her obedience and to create love and harmony in her relationship.

Why should a woman who is disobedient during the disciplinary process receive a Disobedience Discipline? Firstly, because she needs to be taught to obey her HOH when he is disciplining her. If she does not obey him, then she is not fulfilling her part of the Loving Domestic Discipline agreement between them. By disobeying him, she is deliberately blocking the flow of loving energy between them that he is trying to reestablish by giving her a loving but very firm punishment spanking. She is deliberately blocking the love that should exist in their relationship. It is his responsibility as the Head of Household to discourage this kind of feminine misbehavior by punishing her disobedience.

A Disobedience Discipline is given to encourage the woman’s obedience when she is being disciplined. It is designed to teach her appropriate respect for her man who is the HOH and whose job it is to discipline her when it becomes necessary. It is also designed to teach her appropriate respect for the whole Loving Domestic Discipline process, which is set up to promote love and harmony, not disrespect and disharmony. Through her own fears, the woman can unconsciously sabotage the Loving Domestic Discipline process. By doing this, she is actually sabotaging her own growth and development through Loving Domestic Discipline.

A woman receives a Disobedience Discipline to teach her to submit to her punishment properly. Submission to punishment is the most important part of Loving Domestic Discipline and disobedience is the opposite of submission. Submission does not mean that she is a doormat or some kind of sex slave. It means that she allows herself to be guided and disciplined by the man who is the leader of her relationship and her household. It means that she ignores the immediate and perhaps immature demands of her ego in order to achieve a deeper love and a greater sense of fulfilment in her relationship.

A Disobedience Discipline will teach a woman submission to her male HOH. Most women who are attracted to Loving Domestic Discipline wish to learn to submit more and to dominate less. Through submission to her HOH, a woman can discover the joys of intimacy, fulfillment and feminine self-expression. Sometimes a woman will only achieve submission after she has been soundly spanked. Sometimes even a spanking will not even be enough – she may require some Corner Time to reflect on her misbehavior. However it is achieved, submission is a critical step in her realisation that her behavior was in some way damaging to herself, or to her HOH, or to her family, or to other people. Submission alone will not guarantee a woman’s sudden understanding of her destructive behavior, but it is a key step along the way. By encouraging a woman’s submission to the HOH, a Disobedience Discipline will improve the whole disciplinary process. It will make it easier for him to spank her properly, instead of having to struggle endlessly with her refusals or disobedience.

Women’s wishes

Many men only come to Domestic Discipline as a result of their woman’s request. Many men have a hard time accepting that their woman sometimes needs to be punished. Most men find it very emotionally wrenching to have to physically discipline their wife or girlfriend. Imagine how a man must feel when his loved one refuses to obey him during a Loving Domestic Discipline session. Not only does he have the weighty responsibility of punishing the woman he loves, but he also must deal with her wilful disobedience when he carries out this unpleasant task. By encouraging submission, a Disobedience Discipline will facilitate a smoother and more effective punishment session. The more quickly and effectively a spanking is carried out, the sooner the woman will be reunited with her own more loving and sensible self. Also, the more quickly and effectively a woman is disciplined, the sooner she will be reunited with her loving HOH.

A Disobedience Discipline should be given for any disobedience on the woman’s part during the disciplinary process. The first and most important example of disobedience is her point blank refusal to submit to a discipline that her HOH has decided will be necessary. Such a flat refusal threatens the whole basis of Loving Domestic Discipline in their relationship. If the couple mutually agree (at some happier time) to abandon Loving Domestic Discipline, then that would be fine. But when the woman unilaterally refuses to accept a discipline, that takes the relationship right back to a pre-Domestic Discipline stage, which is often a stage where the couple fight incessantly and uselessly.

When to use Disobedience Discipline

A woman will incur a Disobedience Discipline if she refuses to submit to discipline with reasonable promptness. This means that she responds with a normal or usual amount of speed when she is told that she is going to be punished. It doesn’t mean that she responds with military precision. It just means that she doesn’t try to use any sneaky delaying tactics to put off the discipline she is about to receive. Many women in a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship know exactly what this means, because they have tried it already. But it is harmful for the couple because it weakens the disciplinary agreement between the man and woman. So when a woman tries to delay a punishment that she knows is coming, she should get a Disobedience Discipline for her efforts.

Another situation where a woman deserves a Disobedience Discipline is when she refuses to accept her discipline properly. This means doing things like wriggling or squirming excessively in order to escape the man’s grasp when she is being spanked. It includes covering her bottom with one or more of her hands – this is quite foolish and dangerous, because it can lead to unintentional but serious hand or finger injuries to either person. This simplest way to avoid this kind of risky behavior is to make it punishable by a Disobedience Discipline.

Screaming excessively loudly in an attempt to attract outside aid is definitely a punishable offence, due mainly to the laws which would result in the man’s arrest for even the mildest wifespanking. If the woman really wants her husband arrested, their relationship has problems that are more serious than Loving Domestic Discipline can resolve. If not, she should be disciplined for him in danger of arrest.

Kicking her legs is also another dangerous behavior that can be deterred with a Disobedience Discipline. A woman’s heel can cause substantial damage to a man’s hand. If she is worked up enough, she may even end up kicking her own bottom and bruising it. Ideally, the man should be restraining her legs if she is laying over his lap, but sometimes this is not possible for various reasons. If her legs are not being restrained, she should be dissuaded from kicking them by the threat of a Disobedience Discipline if she disobeys.

A woman should receive a Disobedience Discipline for misbehavior such as refusing to obey commands during her discipline. These include such things as the woman refusing to remove her clothes, refusing to lay over his lap, refusing to remove her hands from her bottom, refusing to stand in the corner if she is given Corner Time, refusing to return for more discipline, etc etc. As you can see, all of these refusals block the whole Loving Domestic Discipline process. They block the corrective nature of Loving Domestic Discipline, preventing the woman from learning her lesson properly. Ultimately, such refusals block the flow of masculine and feminine energy between the man and the woman, which is how Loving Domestic Discipline restores domestic harmony.


Disobedience Discipline: Other situations

A Disobedience Discipline is appropriate for any other feminine misbehavior during a discipline such as sarcastic remarks, swearing, statements of defiance or any other verbal abuse directed at her HOH. These all block or undermine the disciplinary process and should be dealt with firmly. She must not be allowed to sabotage her own learning process.

When a woman is disobedient during a discipline, sometimes the threat of a Disobedience Discipline will be sufficient to bring her to her senses. Sometimes this threat (or promise) is sufficient to encourage her to stop her disobedience and refusals. If this threat works – great. No further discipline is necessary. If the promise of a Disobedience Discipline works, this is also good. Even though she will require additional discipline, at least she has stopped whatever disobedience caused the problem in the first place.

If she does not stop her disobedience, even when she has been promised a Disobedience Discipline, the man has only a few alternatives. One is to continue the spanking as best he can (assuming that this is possible). This first option is not really ideal because it does not address the woman’s disobedience. The second alternative is to stop the spanking altogether. In some cases this may work, but this runs the risk of causing the total abandonment of Loving Domestic Discipline in the relationship, which can itself lead to more serious problems in the couple. The best option for dealing with continued feminine disobedience is for the man to force her to obey, using his superior physical strength. If she refuses to remove her clothing when she is told to do so, even when threatened with a Disobedience Discipline, he should then forcibly strip her naked himself. If she refuses to lay across his lap in preparation for a spanking, he should grab her arm or hand and gently but firmly force her over his knees. If she refuses to stop kicking, he should hook his right leg over her legs so that she cannot kick any more. If she is always reaching back to cover her bottom in spite of being told and warned against it, he should restrain her hands by grasping them in his own hand. If she refuses to go and stand in the corner, she should be forcibly marched into the corner and made to stand there as ordered.

If a man has to physically force his woman to submit to his correction, it is really making his job very difficult. And he already has a pretty tough job as the one responsible for correcting his wife via corporal punishment. In addition to making life difficult for her HOH, the woman is directly attacking the foundations of their Loving Domestic Discipline agreement and ultimately, their relationship. So disobedience that requires physical force to overcome should really be treated much more harshly than the first occurrence of disobedience.

How should a Disobedience Discipline be executed?

A Disobedience Discipline may take a number of different forms. One of the simplest is giving the woman extra smacks or swats. This only works if she is receiving a set number of swats for her discipline. A man who prefers to spank her until he feels that she has learned her lesson will find it more difficult to add some extra swats at the end. But for couples where the woman receives a set number of swats for a specific offense or punishment, adding swats is a very simple and effective form of Disobedience Discipline. The number of additional swats may be set in advance, or the man may decide how much extra Disobedience Discipline she needs. Some men like to give an extra 10, 20, 50 or even more swats as a Disobedience Discipline. These extra swats may follow directly after the main sequence, or he may pause before the Disobedience Discipline so that she clearly understands that she is being punished for the separate issue of disobedience. Sometimes a short period of Corner Time may be appropriate for the woman to reflect on her behavior and attitudes before returning to receive her Disobedience Discipline. Then the slate will really be wiped clean and the couple can start afresh.

Another approach to giving a Disobedience Discipline is to keep to the same number of swats planned for the discipline session, but to increase their force. This is not the best solution because it increases the risk of bruising (for those who wish to avoid bruising), but it remains an option when time is short. If you are running out of time and the woman has been misbehaving during her discipline, increasing the strength of each spank may be the only choice available, other than postponing the Disobedience Discipline for another time.

Since a woman’s disobedience during her discipline constitutes very negative behavior, many couples like to punish it more harshly. One means of achieving this is by using a more severe spanking technique for the Disobedience Discipline part of the proceedings. So if a woman is normally punished by being spanked by the man’s hand on her bare bottom, she may be disciplined for disobedience with a belt or a paddle, which can be much more painful than a handspanking, if used correctly.

Sometimes a Disobedience Discipline may take the form of a non-spanking punishment such as Corner Time, writing out lines, being grounded, being sent to bed early or having her computer time reduced or restricted. Women vary a lot in their reaction to these punishments, so her reactions should be carefully noted when using one of these forms. If she couldn’t care less about Corner Time, it won’t be a very effective deterrent to future misbehavior. In such cases, a non-spanking punishment can be combined with actual spanking to create a hybrid form of discipline that may be more effective than any one single type. An example of this might be spanking her during Corner Time, or spanking her while she is writing lines. Sometimes this kind of combination can be more unpleasant for the woman than a straight handspanking. As the unpleasantness of the discipline increases, so too does its deterrent effect on future feminine behavior.

As discussed previously, often a Disobedience Discipline takes place either immediately after or some time after the woman’s main spanking. However, if she is disobedient before her main punishment has even started, it may be better to give her the Disobedience Discipline first so that she is in a more receptive frame of mind when it comes to the main event. Some men prefer to make the Disobedience Discipline a completely separate session, scheduling it for later on the same day or night, or the next day, or even a few days later. Generally speaking, it is better to keep it on the same day if possible, but when you are pushed for time, scheduling the Disobedience Discipline on another day is completely acceptable.

The other time when a Disobedience Discipline can be given is during the main discipline itself. The only problem is that the man must remember what number swat he is up to, then deliver the appropriate number of Disobedience Discipline spanks, then return to where he left off counting before. As you see, this can be a feat of memory that is not always possible under the circumstances. After all, a Loving Domestic Discipline can be almost as stressful for the man as for the woman, since he has to consciously inflict pain on the woman he loves. Even though it is for her own good, it can still be difficult for him. And if he makes a mistake with the numbers, it may seem to the woman that he doesn’t care enough to discipline her properly. Because a man’s actions in giving his woman a Loving Domestic Discipline are really a statement of love and commitment to the relationship.


Not all Disobedience Disciplines are referred to by that name. Most men don’t say to their wives, “OK, you have been disciplined for your dishonesty. Now it is time for your Disobedience Discipline.” Usually it is enough to tell her that she is receiving extra punishment for covering her bottom with her hands etc.

To conclude, a Disobedience Discipline is designed to improve the woman’s obedience during a discipline. It is designed to enhance the disciplinary process by deterring feminine behaviors that could threaten the corrective and loving connection between the man and the woman that is fostered by Loving Domestic Discipline.

Part II of this series is available here.

Are thinking about beginning Domestic Discipline or improving your DD relationship? Then it’s a good idea to check out our Guide To Domestic Discipline, either by checking out the description or by checking out the guide itself on Amazon. Also, if you want to stay in contact, you can follow us with your email, on , on FaceBook, Twitter, or Tumblr. Please leave a comment if you want to add something or if you liked this article!

3 thoughts on “How To Deal With A Disobedient Wife – Part 1

  1. Hello,

    You have a very informative site. I have never understood why a woman in a domestic discipline would argue and resist punishment. In my case, I asked my husband for this when I was 23 (now 32). Why would I refuse when I asked for this? It really is just another form of marital lovemaking. I am sorry that I behaved badly, but am also glad he has made me aware of it and is correcting my behavior. My husband makes me undress completely, lay on the bed on my stomach, head at the pillow end, feet at the bottom and wait. When I get the command to go to the bedroom and strip, I am just “Yes sir” and I go. Our punishments are more advanced and I am nervous, but that does mean argue. When my husband comes in and I am in position, it sort of frees him up. He can lecture and scold. We have a good discussion about my behavior. He will hand spank warm up for a while, stop, lecture some more, and rub my butt. He will often tell me how my butt is “good and hot”, but needs more “tenderizing” before it’s ready for the belt. I will think to myself, God!, I am already going to sore from your hand and you’re not finished with the warm up? At the same time, I WANT him to be this way when he punishes me without second guessing himself. I am not not perfect about this, though. Sometimes, I try to wiggle a bit to avoid getting slapped in sore spots until he catches me at it. Also, he has to hold me at the lower back and swing shorter with the belt rather than being able to stand back and swing harder. I have this problem even though the belt strokes are about a minute apart. Do you have any advice about building more endurance? I would like for Billy to be able to let the leather fly. How can I do better in this area?



    1. Kim,

      thanks for your comment!
      It’s great to read your experience, which confirms our article. As for endurance, I believe it can only be built with practice!

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