How to convince your partner to try Domestic Discipline – part 2 – The talk

(This is the 2nd part of the 3 part series regarding how to approach your partner about trying domestic discipline. If you haven’t already read part 1, please do so before reading this. Thanks!)

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So, now it’s time to actually talk to your partner about domestic discipline. This is probably the most uncomfortable part for most people, but it doesn’t have to be. Remember, the worst that can happen is your partner could just say no, and in that case, you go from there (there will be more about that in part 3 coming later this week).

The first thing we recommend doing is sitting down and cutting out all outside distractions. Wait until your kids are in bed (if you have kids), put away cell phones, turn off the TV, etc.

How you word the conversation is ultimately up to you. You know your partner and your relationship better than anyone, so you’ll have to tailor the conversation around that. However, we’d recommend the following aspects are somehow incorporated into “the talk”..

1: What domestic discipline is, and what domestic discipline isn’t.

2: Why you want domestic discipline in your relationship.

3: The pro’s to including domestic discipline in your relationship.

Here’s a sample of what I mean..

“I just wanted to talk to you a little bit about something I found called domestic discipline. Domestic discipline is ______, and it’s not ________ (put it into your own words). I know it might sound crazy to you, and I understand that. But, I think it could really help our marriage, especially with ______________ (whatever issues you would like it to help with, or why you want it in your marriage). I’ve researched this and/or talked to some others about it and I think it has a lot of pros to trying it like ___, ____, ____ (list whatever pros you want). It’s just something I feel like we should try once, and if it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work, and we can agree to end it and move forward. But I’d like to try it because ________. I love you a lot, and I want our relationship to be stronger. What do you think/what questions do you have about it?

It’s important to do 3 key things when talking to your spouse about domestic discipline.

1: Empathize with their feelings. Domestic discipline, especially to someone who has never heard of it or considered trying it before, is going to come off as a completely off the wall and crazy concept, and you need to understand that. By saying something like “I understand this might make you nervous, or that you might think it’s crazy” you’re empathizing with how your partner might be feeling. This will help your partner to feel more at ease (like “my partner is understanding why this might be hard for me”) which will make him/her more likely to openly discuss it with you because they will feel like they don’t constantly have to defend their feelings.

2: Make sure the 3 aspects we included above are somehow incorporated into your discussion. It’s important that you don’t just sit down and flat out say “hey babe, I would like to try domestic discipline. What do you think?” without giving them any sort of background on what domestic discipline is, why you think it would be beneficial, etc. It’s also important that you don’t just say “I want DD. Now read this website, and this website, and this website (etc.) and let me know what you think”. Your partner will feel a LOT more comfortable with the idea if they hear YOUR interpretation of what DD is, why YOU want it, etc.

3: Ensure him/her that this is something that you’ve thought a lot about, researched, and truly want to try. They need to know you’re serious about it.

To answer the questions like what is domestic discipline (and what it’s not), and so on, the following links might be helpful to read over.

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