I have always wondered how popular domestic discipline is. I guess it’s the “research brain” part of me or the fact that I love statistics. Either way, I have always wondered how many people truly practice. However, because a very large majority of those who practice domestic discipline keep it under such tight wraps, I don’t think there has been any concrete data released on the subject (which is too bad because I really want to know!).
However, what I can say is this..
There are many different forms of domestic discipline. I think when a lot of people hear the term domestic discipline they automatically think “husband gives wife rules, if wife breaks them she gets spanked.” That isn’t always the case. In fact, there are numerous relationships/marriages/arrangements out there that fall into the domestic discipline category, but don’t include spanking at all. Simply speaking, domestic discipline is anytime one partner becomes the “leader” of the house (whether unintentional or intentional) and puts down rules or guidelines (whether unintentional or intentional) for the other partner and if those are not followed some form of punishment ensues. A lot of relationships probably don’t even realize that they’re operating under “domestic discipline.” Take this for example..
When I was in grad school (and hadn’t yet truly heard of domestic discipline, definitely didn’t practice it, and if I had heard about it at that point, I would have wanted nothing to do with it) I had a close friend who had recently gotten married. To this day, I’m convinced that neither her, or her new husband, had any knowledge of domestic discipline. But that’s beside the point.
Her and I spent probably 4 out of 7 days a week together (studying, shopping, decorating her new house, etc.) and got to know each other really well. One day, we went out shopping and she went a tad bit overboard (actually, a lot overboard if you would have asked her husband). Both of us didn’t really think anything of it. Later that evening, we went back to her house and her new husband saw an entire trunk full of shopping bags. His response was the usual “what on earth were you thinking?!” “Seriously we haven’t even made our first mortgage payment yet!” and then it became…”If you can’t be responsible with credit cards maybe you shouldn’t even have them!” and he marched over to her wallet and took them out.
Now, for us “DD wives” this scenario wouldn’t really be out of the ordinary. You break a rule, you lose privileges. However, for my friend, it was out of the ordinary. I even asked her, later down the road, if he’d ever done that before and she replied no. There were several further statements she made that fully convinced me, over the years, that her, nor her husband really had any idea what DD was and more than likely drew the line at punishments right then and there are removing her credit cards. There was never a set rule list created, nor any sort of punishment list (so to speak). But, she lost her credit cards. And, do I believe that pretty much any husband would do that, DD or not? Absolutely.
The point here is that domestic discipline exists everywhere. It may not be the form of domestic discipline you are used to, it may not be labeled as domestic discipline, and it may not be easy to “spot” and that’s okay. But, it’s out there.
I know it is so hard to wrap your head around “What if other people found out we practiced DD?!” I get that and I’m not saying, “Well now everyone should feel comfortable sharing it!” because that’s totally unrealistic.
What I am saying is that you aren’t alone. There are forms of domestic discipline in a lot of relationships. Some may be microscopically small and some may run rampant. Regardless, any relationship that has a leader is going to have some form of domestic discipline. You may disagree with me, but look past domestic discipline as being about spanking, set in stone rules or designated punishments.
It is very easy to feel alone in the domestic discipline lifestyle, partly because you (and others) choose to be so private about it that you are afraid to talk about it with others, and partly because you don’t know where to look for support.
The point of this entire post is that you aren’t alone. There are small (or large) forms of domestic discipline (probably not called by that name, or any name though) in a significant number of relationships. I guarantee it. Now, the number that include spanking? That number probably greatly decreases. But nonetheless, domestic discipline is out there in full force.