While the post for women is a little longer (you can find it here), this post is long as well. Take your time (30 minutes at least).
Find the questions in the following and jump to the respective anchor.
- Q. Why does my wife want to be spanked?
- Q. Can’t I just listen to her problems? Why do I have to spank her?
- Q. Why do I have to do this? I never signed up for it when we got married.
- Q. Is my wife a masochist?
- Q. Will I be arrested if I spank her?
- Q. What if my wife gets pissed off one day and decides to call the cops on me?
- Q. Isn’t spanking just kinky?
- Q. Doesn’t my wife just want to be spanked for sexual reasons?
- Q. I already spank my wife as a form of sexual foreplay. Why does she want me to spank her for discipline too? Doesn’t she already get enough spanking?
- Q. I’ve never spanked my wife, even for fun. What if I hurt her?
- Q. What if I get so angry that I lose control and really hurt her badly?
- Q. What if she loses all respect for me?
- Q. What if I lose all respect for myself?
- Q. What if she starts crying? I’ll feel terrible.
- Q. What if the spanking doesn’t work? What if she continues her bad behavior later?
- Q. Won’t I need extra skills to do this?
- Q. Does this mean I will always have to monitor her behavior all the time, forever?
- Why would I do all that and take all those risks?
A. Your wife wants to be spanked because she needs to feel your masculine authority. She wants to be spanked because she needs to feel that you care enough to hold her accountable for her actions and words. She wants to be spanked because she knows she will feel more grounded and secure afterwards, even if the spanking itself is painful. She wants to feel cleansed of her sense of guilt and shame at having behaved in a hurtful, disrespectful or dishonest way. She wants to be held responsible for her behavior that has hurt herself, hurt you or hurt someone else. She wants to act, speak and think more positively in future. She wants you to help her with this. She knows instinctively that spanking is the best way that you can help her with these problems.
A. She already has female friends to listen to her problems. Women are great listeners. You are not a woman. She appreciates you listening to her, but she wants something different this time. Men are not so good at listening. They are, however, really good at fixing things, at doing stuff. She wants you to be a fixer this time, not a sympathetic ear. She needs you to take action – to discipline her for misbehavior via a spanking. She can’t do it herself. Her female friends can’t do it for her. Only you can do it.
A. You signed up for anything that comes along when you signed the marriage contract, remember? In sickness and in health, love, honour and obey, love, protect and cherish, till death do us part, remember? Your wife is just asking you to implement the “obey” part of things. Of course, if you were married in the last 20 years, chances are that she didn’t get a chance to promise to obey you. But now she wants to. And she wants you to enforce it. Why is that such a big deal? Be thankful that she is not leaving you for a woman, or joining some suicide cult that worships the sun. Things could be much worse. And if you give Loving Domestic Discipline a try, things could be much, much better for you both.
A. No. If she is asking you to engage in sadomasochistic activities involving whips and chains, then perhaps she is a masochist. But if she is just asking you to spank her when she misbehaves, she is not a masochist. She is a normal, healthy human being who wants to establish a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship with her husband. There is no masochism involved in Loving Domestic Discipline. Yes, there is spanking. Yes, there is some pain involved. Visiting the dentist involves some pain too, but going to the dentist doesn’t make you a masochist.
A. No. If the neighbors overhear you spanking her and think you are committing acts of domestic violence, then the police might pay you a visit. But as long as you keep the noise of the spanking inside your home, you and your wife will be the only ones who know about your Loving Domestic Discipline arrangment. And even if someone found out, you can always say that it was just sex play between consenting adults. Embarrassing maybe, but safe.
A. Well, that would be a pretty unfortunate situation. Understandably, you don’t want to end up in a cell with a 300lb guy called Bubba who decides that he has a crush on you. Your wife really has you over a barrel if she decides to act that way, because it will be YOUR handprints on HER bottom. But so far there have been no reports of a woman reneging on a Loving Domestic Discipline agreement by reporting her husband to the police for domestic violence. In fact, the risk is very, very low, because Loving Domestic Discipline tends to defuse the kind of tensions that poison a marriage and cause the kinds of dissatisfaction that lead men to violence and women to seek outside help. The other issue is that you need to have a loving, trusting relationship. Also, you should talk about what kind of Loving Domestic Discipline agreement you are going to create. Is your wife going to agree to give you carte blanche to spank her whenever you feel she needs it, or do you both want to agree on a limited list of negative behaviors for which she will be disciplined? Putting this kind of agreement in place, even if it is just verbal, will help you both to go through this together, to use this technique as a couple, rather than as two separate, warring camps. Loving Domestic Discipline has the wonderful benefit of reducing the fighting and squabbling that make so many couples’ lives hell.
A. According to a recent survey of adult sexual habits, spanking is the most common sexual fetish, practiced by almost half of American couples to varying extents. So it is not really that kinky after all. Anyway, it is worth remembering that oral sex is a crime punishable by death in some countries, but most people living in modern, industrialized democracies see it as a normal part of sexual relations. So ‘kinky’ is always a relative concept.
A. Well, if she asked you to spank her during lovemaking, the answer is probably yes. But if she asked you to discipline her when she misbehaves, she is probably more interested in overcoming negative behaviors and building up a stronger rapport with you, based on different but complementary gender roles. She is tired of having to act like a man all the time. She doesn’t want you to nurture her, as if you were her mother or one of her female friends. She wants you to tell her right from wrong. She wants you to take matters into your own hands. She wants your guidance and your correction. If she just wanted to be spanked as a kind of foreplay, don’t you think she would have asked you for that instead?
A. Erotic spanking is completely different from discipline spanking. Spanking for foreplay is a fun, healthy activity that is purely sexual in nature. But if your wife wants you to spank her for discipline too, she wants something totally different. All homes have running water, yet most people drink many different types of drinks and beverages, not only water. They all quench the thirst but they have different effects and flavors. If you have a desire to drink orange juice, no amount of water drinking will satisfy that desire. It is the same with erotic vs disciplinary spanking. Disciplinary spanking is something that will bring you closer together – much closer than mere erotic spanking. Erotic spanking can be great fun, but it won’t help her to overcome bad habits like disciplinary spanking will. It won’t help her to release negative emotions. It won’t help her to feel cared for and protected by you. A disciplinary spanking, on the other hand, will help her with all of these things. That’s what she wants and that’s why she wants it.
A. Well, all spanking is meant to hurt to some extent. A discipline spanking is meant to hurt more than an erotic spanking, generally speaking. If you love your wife and you take reasonable care, you are unlikely to ever cause real damage during a spanking. Use your hand and start off slowly and relatively gently. For more information, read the “How to spank a woman” article on this blog. No one ever died from a spanking, remember. And a hand spanking is especially safe.
A. Wait until your anger has subsided before you spank her. Maybe you might need to wait ten minutes, or an hour, or even a day before you have overcome your anger sufficiently to be able to spank her without worrying about taking out your anger on her. Spank her when your head is clear and you will always deliver a firm but fair discipline. If you spank her when you are angry, you do run the risk of disciplining her too harshly. That said, some husbands do spank their wives even when they are angry, because that way the problem is dealt with when it happens, rather than hanging around waiting to be resolved. Some couples prefer it that way. But if you are concerned about your anger getting the better of you, simply wait until it has subsided before disciplining her.
A. She is unlikely to lose any respect for you if you give her what she needs. She will probably respect you a great deal more if you can step up to the plate and give her a good hard spanking when she really deserves it.
A. That’s what really bothered you, wasn’t it? Losing your self-respect is even worse than someone else losing respect for you. If you don’t want to lose your self-respect, see the love behind the process of Loving Domestic Discipline. Yes, discipline hurts and you will be disciplining the woman you love. But you will be doing it out of love for her. You will be giving her the benefit of your strength, your clear vision and your leadership. You will be doing a difficult job for the best of reasons – for love. How can you not respect yourself for that?
A. Well, she may probably cry if you spank her. Believe it or not, she will probably be more grateful to you if you DO make her cry when you spank her. Crying helps her to release many of the negative emotions inside her that led to her negative behavior in the first place. Women do love a good cry and the tears that accompany a firm spanking can be very cleansing and cathartic for a woman. Basically, she will feel much better after she cries. Women cry more easily and more frequently than men. If a man cries, it means that something really serious and grave has happened, such as his sports team losing a championship game (!), so men associate tears with extremely bad situations. Women cry for all sorts of reasons, many of them much less serious, so it is not the end of the world if they shed a few tears. However, even knowing all this, you may still find it very hard to see your woman crying when you know that you caused those tears by spanking her. When the spanking is finally over, you can help her to recover by consoling her and forgiving her for her bad behavior. This loving consolation will make her feel very close to you and will make all her tears worthwhile to her. For more information, read the article called “Tears.”
A. Some problems may not be cured in one single discipline session. Deeper-seated problems may require more sessions to be fully resolved. Loving Domestic Discipline is a commitment for both the man and the woman. But it is a really worthwhile commitment that will lead to great personal growth and great love. Sometimes a woman will continue to behave badly, even after she has been disciplined, because she wasn’t spanked long enough – because the discipline was not really firm enough. The solution is pretty simple – next time, spank her longer, so that she really learns her lesson properly. It is that easy.
A. No, you already have all the skills you need. The only skills you need to discipline her are self-discipline and love. You need self-discipline so that you don’t go overboard when you spank her. You also need self-discipline so that you can force yourself to discipline her even when you don’t feel like it – you may feel too tired to spank her, even though she really needs and deserves it. That is when you will need the self-discipline to go ahead and discipline her in spite of your fatigue. You need self-discipline too so that you will be able to spank her effectively. If you don’t spank her enough, she won’t learn her lesson and she will feel frustrated emotionally. Your self-discipline will help you to spank her effectively, so that she feels lovingly corrected and so that she feels your guidance and strength, not your weakness.
You need love so that you discipline her lovingly, not cruelly or sadistically. You need love so that she can always be sure that you are disciplining her for her own benefit, not for your own selfish purposes. You need love so that you can discipline her enough. A man who doesn’t love his wife can easily avoid disciplining her, because he doesn’t care about her or her self-development or their own development as a couple. A man who does love his wife will discipline her because he knows it will increase their love together. He does it as an act of love. It is a gift that only he can give her, because only he can take that primary role of lover, protector and corrector in her life. No other man can do it.
A. Not really. You can, if you want, but you don’t have to. She can start to keep a journal where she records all her thoughts, feelings and actions that relate to Loving Domestic Discipline. You can read this from time to time and discuss it with her. If necessary, you can spank her for any misbehavior that you didn’t personally witness, but that you feel should be discouraged. Also, you can always review your Loving Domestic Discipline arrangement with your wife at any time in the future. It doesn’t have to last forever if you both decide you want to change.
Q. So let me get this straight. I have to take the risk of going to jail. I have to watch the woman I love cry, knowing that I caused her tears. I have to keep an eye on her behavior and discipline her for misbehavior. Why would I do all that and take all those risks? My life has enough hassles already!
A. Because you will experience truly wonderful benefits that outweigh all the efforts involved. You will find that your wife starts to actually listen to what you say. You will start to find what she says much more interesting than before. You will start to see her behaving more respectfully – to herself, to you and to other people. You will see her looking and acting much happier. This is because she is starting to feel fulfilled as a woman, because you have shown her that you can successfully take up a manly role, so she doesn’t have to worry about that side of things. We are not talking about salaries or putting out the trash, we are talking about giving her the benefit of your manly guidance and correction. The fact that you are less emotional than her is one of the reasons why she wants you to discipline her when her emotions get the better of her. Your more detached point of view and your firmness is exactly what she needs. You will also find that your sex life improves a lot, even if you don’t do erotic spanking and even if you only spank her for disciplinary reasons. The fact that you are taking on such a manly role will thrill her to the core as a woman, and you will notice the difference in bed – you can count on it. You will start to feel the increased self-esteem that comes from having an important and unique role in your relationship. Only you can do what you do – men and women are not interchangeable in a marriage. It takes a man to do male things and it takes a woman to do female things. You might be interchangeable in the workplace, but your marriage is different. If you want to be married to a woman, you are going to have to do guy things. One of the most masculine activities in a marriage is providing the discipline that your wife wants and needs. In addition to these other benefits, you will find yourself feeling more confident, because you have become a leader. Marriage is like a car – there can be only one driver. When you start to implement Loving Domestic Discipline in your relationship, you are taking your place at the wheel. That doesn’t mean your wife has no say anymore. It just means that you have decided to take the lead. You will consult her always, but you will be the leader. Many marriages are so unhappy because both partners are wrestling for control of the wheel. You will start to notice that your marriage is much more harmonious than before. The ultimate benefit of Loving Domestic Discipline is that you will start to notice that there is a whole lot more love in your relationship. Love is what got you together in the first place. Instead of letting the love leak slowly from your marriage, Loving Domestic Discipline will actively replenish it so that you will have more love than ever. Isn’t that worthwhile? Isn’t that the whole idea? Isn’t that the main game? Don’t you want to love her more? Don’t you want HER to love YOU more? So what are you waiting for?