Frequently asked questions about spanking, Part 1

It’s common for any domestic discipline couple to come across a few problems when going through the spanking process. It isn’t easy to do. We’re going to go over a few questions that we get asked on a regular basis by HoHs when it comes to spanking. We’ll start with the most common one asked, by far.


My partner moves around a lot during a spanking. How do I help her to hold still?

It’s very important that the submissive partner hold as still as they possibly can during the spanking for a number of reasons. The biggest reason is so the head of the household does not miss their mark. The strikes need to fall directly on the sit spot of the buttocks. If the HoH strikes too high, they could crack or break the tailbone, and that not only would cause immediate intense pain, but long term pain and discomfort as well. Also, the HoH may accidentally strike the hips, or even the stomach if the movement is extreme enough. These areas could immediately bruise, and thus cause a lot of long term pain. So, it’s important that the submissive partner hold still during the spanking.

How does an HoH address this?

The first thing the HoH is recommended to do is communicate to their partner how important it is that they hold still during the spanking before the spanking starts. “I need you to hold still during the spanking so I don’t miss my mark. We don’t need to drag this out and make it longer than it needs to be. It’s very important that you hold still. Understand?

If the submissive partner starts moving around during the spanking, we recommend the HoH give ONE warning and use their non-spanking hand to assist their partner back into position. “You’re not holding still. I’m not going to ask you again. If you can’t hold still, we’re adding punishment.” At that point the submissive partner has been warned, and it is now up to them if additional punishment is added. If the submissive partner still moves around after the initial warning, then we recommend additional strikes (approximately 5 or so), or 5 minutes of corner time after the spanking is over.

HoHs should NOT expect their partners to hold perfectly still the entire time. That just isn’t reasonable. The submissive partner is going to move around a little bit. It hurts. At the same time, however, if the movements are causing the HoH to potentially miss their mark, the HoH must take action to get the problem corrected so they don’t end up harming their partner long term.

For a more in depth look into this problem, please click here.

How do I get my partner to stop reaching their hand back during a spanking?

The importance of getting this problem corrected should be pretty obvious. If the HoH accidentally strikes their partner’s hand with a dense implement (like a wooden paddle), it could break their hand. THE HOH MUST NOT SPANK THEIR PARTNER’S HAND INTENTIONALLY. That is NOT the point, and should NOT be done to teach the submissive partner that they shouldn’t reach their hand back. There’s a better way to handle it.

This differs from moving around during a spanking in the sense that reaching the hand back during a spanking is done intentionally, and moving around generally isn’t done intentionally. It shows an element of disrespect. Moving around can be unintentionally done since the body’s natural reaction is to move away from a pain source. Reaching your hand back is deliberately and consciously done, and therefore should be punished a little more intensely.

Just as with moving around, it should be made clear before the spanking starts that the submissive partner is NOT to reach their hand back during the spanking.

If the submissive partner reaches their hand back during the spanking, we recommend the HoH calmly and gently move their partner’s arm/hand out of the striking area, and then strike much harder than usual on the next three strikes. If it happens a second time, we would add approximately five additional strikes to the end of the spanking.

For a more in depth look into this problem, please click here.

How do I get my partner to not rub their buttocks immediately after the spanking?

This may be the most difficult thing for the submissive partner to stop doing. It’s second nature for any human being in pain to do whatever they can to relieve themselves of that pain. Totally understandable. However, it’s important that the submissive partner – and the HoH for that matter – not rub the buttocks immediately after the spanking as it will defeat the purpose of the spanking. The point is for the spanking to be painful so it gives the submissive partner incentive to not repeat the unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behavior in the future.

After the spanking is over, we recommend the HoH give their partner ONE warning not to rub their buttocks, to be fair. The submissive partner is not thinking about this at all after the spanking, so in fairness, the HoH should give their partner one warning to not rub it.

If the submissive partner rubs it, there are two options we would recommend doing. Option one is to do five minutes of corner time, but do so a little bit differently. For this particular offense, we would recommend having the submissive partner stand in the corner of the room for five minutes with their hands on top of their head so they aren’t tempted to rub their buttocks.

Option two is to repeat a portion of the spanking. We would only recommend doing this if the corner time (with the hands on the head) did not correct the problem initially. Also, we do NOT recommend conducting another full spanking since the submissive partner will be pretty sore at this point. We recommend doing anywhere between 5-15 additional strikes, depending on how persistent of a problem this has been, and how well the submissive partner is cooperating.

Those three questions tend to be the most frequently asked. These three are all important to correct for different reasons. They all will take time and patience to correct, but will absolutely be worth the trouble in the long run. For a few more frequently asked questions, please click here.

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