Personal: Confessions of a submissive wife

Ever since the launch of Learning Domestic Discipline we’ve tried to present both sides of the lifestyle – the positives, and the negatives. Anyone who lives in a domestic discipline relationship will likely be able to tell you that being a submissive partner is not easy (and either is being an HOH). The following are just my confessions as a submissive wife and are not meant to be the confessions of every submissive partner..just a disclaimer.


  • I’ve tried for well over a year now to “just say okay” and I still haven’t perfected it. There are days when I honestly don’t know if I ever will, but I’ve made progress so that counts, right? To be honest, it’s hard to “just say okay” all the time, and there are days where I wrestle with the idea of how to still express my thoughts or opinions, and “just say okay”. It’s probably one of the most challenging parts for me as a submissive wife.
  • Before a spanking I usually have to mentally tell myself “you are good wife, you just made a mistake”. Even though my husband never makes me feel like a bad wife (ever) I still have to tell myself that because otherwise I beat myself up over the guilt before I get punished.
  • It’s hard for me to accept no as an answer sometimes. Even though I know his reasoning behind his answer is good, it’s still hard to hear at times.  Here a recent example:
    • Just the other day I told my husband about my plans for the following day which included going grocery shopping. Anyone who knows me knows that I practically always shop at Target (I have a Target obsession!) with the occasional trips to Whole Foods and Publix mixed in. However, for this grocery trip I needed wanted a few things at a grocery store on the other side of town. So, I casually told Clint my plans and he wasn’t thrilled. He hates that grocery store and the area that it’s in. “Just go to the stores around here” he said. I tried to argue this particular store was cheaper. “Don’t worry about the cost babe. I don’t want you going all the way across town to that store.” He was right. That store wasn’t in a great part of town, and it was pretty far and I am sick. So, should I be driving all the way over there just to get a few things at that store? No. But, it’s principal of being told no when I had already planned it.
  • Sometimes after I’ve gotten in trouble I purposely hold off on responding to emails or helping people with domestic discipline because I get in the mindset of “I’m in no place to be helping someone else with domestic discipline if I can’t even follow the dang rules..”. I hate that about myself, but it’s true. I beat myself up over stupid stuff all the time and just have to wait ’til it passes to get back to DD related things.
  • One of the most hurtful things someone ever told me was “you’re not a naturally submissive wife” and I still, to this day, have no idea why it bothered me so much. Maybe it’s because I desperately wanted to be a naturally submissive wife? I don’t know.
  • There has been a time (or two, or three, or four) where I’ve strongly considered hiding a broken rule from my husband, especially if it’s something he is highly unlikely to find out about…but then my conscious gets the best of me and I tell him anyway.
  • There has also been a time (or two) when I’ve faked being tired, or having a headache, to get out of getting spanked that night. And no, my recent pneumonia experience was totally not faking it. So don’t ask.
  • I sometimes read books geared towards submissive wives (example: The Surrendered Wife) and think “gosh, some of that just sounds so wrong” but then when I actually practice it it feels so right, and I have no clue why that is.
  • I cried when my “No Spanking Challenge” came to an end, but looking back on it I think it was probably the best DD decision I’ve ever made.
  • My husband doesn’t care (at all) what we have for dinner each night, yet I still strive to put together these meals like you see on the Food Network and Master Chef on a nightly basis. One night when I was sick, I made him a sandwich and chips and salsa for dinner. He loved it, and I literally cried for 15 minutes because I felt like the worst wife ever. I have way too high expectations of myself. Way too high.
  • I’ve been asked before if I would still choose to be a submissive wife without domestic discipline, and my answer every single time is yes. It just feels right to me.
  • I don’t consider being a submissive wife to be something that has to do with sex. In fact, I don’t really know how submissive I am when it comes to’s more of a lifestyle thing than a bedroom thing.
  • I’m way too sensitive, and I blame almost everything on myself. If my husband has a bad day at work, I can somehow make it out to by my fault, even though that is rarely the case.
  • I took our wedding vows extremely seriously..and I made sure  the “to honor and obey”  part was in there because it was important to me.
  • I still rub after a spanking almost every time, despite being told 1.5 million times not to. It’s a really, really hard habit to break.
  • The day we threw the silent spanking cream in the trash is still one of my most memorable domestic discipline moments.
  • I use the phrase “she needs DD!” way too often.
  • Several years ago my husband took away my laptop before he went to work, and I found where he hid it. But, I didn’t use it and respected the punishment (even though he likely would have never found out) and I still credit that as the moment where I think domestic discipline really “clicked” for me and I finally understood that it isn’t about finding ways to get out of the punishment, it’s about accepting it and actually learning something from it.
  • I don’t think I truly became a submissive wife until we had been practicing domestic discipline about a year or so.

I could go on and on all day, but there’s a starter list of my submissive wife confessions for you. Please don’t judge me.

5 thoughts on “Personal: Confessions of a submissive wife

  1. My husband and I are practicing the DD relationship, the problem is we both look at it differently. I look at it as a true DD thing with trying to be a submissive wife and accept punishments when needed. He looks at it that it’s his way or no way. Meaning he’s not consistent with rules, punishments. He punishes me when it’s convenient for him, I get by with things I know I shouldn’t and there is no aftercare forgiveness or anything consistent. Im the one who brought this in our life and we both want this but we both see it differently. I want a true DD relationship, he only See’s this as he gets everything his way. At first I felt like he was truly learning the hoh role, we had maintenance nights I felt like I could easily submit to his authority but now I’m not happy cause truly I feel I do not get anything back from this relationship now. I want a true DD relationship and I have told him things of how I feel but it just seems he throws it out the door. We started this to save our marriage and I’m scared if we can’t get this to work like it’s supposed to be we’re going to go back the way we were and that will end us. I’ve read alot about DD relationships, if you have any answers for me I would appreciate it. Thank you

      1. I agree Tandi,

        The forum might help you with advice or a place to vent frustrations at least. You won’t feel as alone. I hope your HoH will begin to understand the great responsibility and pressure of being an HoH. It is a lot of work and a huge responsibility.

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