Personal: Confessions of a submissive wife

Ever since the launch of Learning Domestic Discipline we’ve tried to present both sides of the lifestyle – the positives, and the negatives. Anyone who lives in a domestic discipline relationship will likely be able to tell you that being a submissive partner is not easy (and either is being an HOH). The following are just my confessions as a submissive wife and are not meant to be the confessions of every submissive partner..just a disclaimer.


  • I’ve tried for well over a year now to “just say okay” and I still haven’t perfected it. There are days when I honestly don’t know if I ever will, but I’ve made progress so that counts, right? To be honest, it’s hard to “just say okay” all the time, and there are days where I wrestle with the idea of how to still express my thoughts or opinions, and “just say okay”. It’s probably one of the most challenging parts for me as a submissive wife.
  • Before a spanking I usually have to mentally tell myself “you are good wife, you just made a mistake”. Even though my husband never makes me feel like a bad wife (ever) I still have to tell myself that because otherwise I beat myself up over the guilt before I get punished.
  • It’s hard for me to accept no as an answer sometimes. Even though I know his reasoning behind his answer is good, it’s still hard to hear at times.  Here a recent example:
    • Just the other day I told my husband about my plans for the following day which included going grocery shopping. Anyone who knows me knows that I practically always shop at Target (I have a Target obsession!) with the occasional trips to Whole Foods and Publix mixed in. However, for this grocery trip I needed wanted a few things at a grocery store on the other side of town. So, I casually told Clint my plans and he wasn’t thrilled. He hates that grocery store and the area that it’s in. “Just go to the stores around here” he said. I tried to argue this particular store was cheaper. “Don’t worry about the cost babe. I don’t want you going all the way across town to that store.” He was right. That store wasn’t in a great part of town, and it was pretty far and I am sick. So, should I be driving all the way over there just to get a few things at that store? No. But, it’s principal of being told no when I had already planned it.
  • Sometimes after I’ve gotten in trouble I purposely hold off on responding to emails or helping people with domestic discipline because I get in the mindset of “I’m in no place to be helping someone else with domestic discipline if I can’t even follow the dang rules..”. I hate that about myself, but it’s true. I beat myself up over stupid stuff all the time and just have to wait ’til it passes to get back to DD related things.
  • One of the most hurtful things someone ever told me was “you’re not a naturally submissive wife” and I still, to this day, have no idea why it bothered me so much. Maybe it’s because I desperately wanted to be a naturally submissive wife? I don’t know.
  • There has been a time (or two, or three, or four) where I’ve strongly considered hiding a broken rule from my husband, especially if it’s something he is highly unlikely to find out about…but then my conscious gets the best of me and I tell him anyway.
  • There has also been a time (or two) when I’ve faked being tired, or having a headache, to get out of getting spanked that night. And no, my recent pneumonia experience was totally not faking it. So don’t ask.
  • I sometimes read books geared towards submissive wives (example: The Surrendered Wife) and think “gosh, some of that just sounds so wrong” but then when I actually practice it it feels so right, and I have no clue why that is.
  • I cried when my “No Spanking Challenge” came to an end, but looking back on it I think it was probably the best DD decision I’ve ever made.
  • My husband doesn’t care (at all) what we have for dinner each night, yet I still strive to put together these meals like you see on the Food Network and Master Chef on a nightly basis. One night when I was sick, I made him a sandwich and chips and salsa for dinner. He loved it, and I literally cried for 15 minutes because I felt like the worst wife ever. I have way too high expectations of myself. Way too high.
  • I’ve been asked before if I would still choose to be a submissive wife without domestic discipline, and my answer every single time is yes. It just feels right to me.
  • I don’t consider being a submissive wife to be something that has to do with sex. In fact, I don’t really know how submissive I am when it comes to’s more of a lifestyle thing than a bedroom thing.
  • I’m way too sensitive, and I blame almost everything on myself. If my husband has a bad day at work, I can somehow make it out to by my fault, even though that is rarely the case.
  • I took our wedding vows extremely seriously..and I made sure  the “to honor and obey”  part was in there because it was important to me.
  • I still rub after a spanking almost every time, despite being told 1.5 million times not to. It’s a really, really hard habit to break.
  • The day we threw the silent spanking cream in the trash is still one of my most memorable domestic discipline moments.
  • I use the phrase “she needs DD!” way too often.
  • Several years ago my husband took away my laptop before he went to work, and I found where he hid it. But, I didn’t use it and respected the punishment (even though he likely would have never found out) and I still credit that as the moment where I think domestic discipline really “clicked” for me and I finally understood that it isn’t about finding ways to get out of the punishment, it’s about accepting it and actually learning something from it.
  • I don’t think I truly became a submissive wife until we had been practicing domestic discipline about a year or so.

I could go on and on all day, but there’s a starter list of my submissive wife confessions for you. Please don’t judge me.

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