Commenter FAQ: Spanking Questions

About a month ago, we asked you the reader to post some questions for possible use on future FAQ posts.  We’ve gotten a lot of great questions thus far and we’ll be answering a few more of them in this post.  At the end of October we answered a few of them in the first installment of the Commenter FAQs series.  You can look over them by clicking here.  This is the second installment of the Commenter FAQs series.  Let’s get to it.


Click on the anchor to go directly to the respective question.

Have you ever used one of those rubber paddles, and what are your thoughts on those?

Any general tips for relationships in which one person really would like to do spanking and the other is just not into it?


Have you ever used one of those rubber paddles, and what are your thoughts on those?

Perhaps contrary to popular belief, we personally have never used a rubber paddle to spank with.  We’ve never had a reason to stray from the current implements my wife and I use, therefore we see no need for the rubber paddle in our marriage.  That isn’t to say we’re not comfortable recommending it, however.  We included it in the implements post since we feel it can be a useful spanking implement and we ARE comfortable recommending it to couples.  It’s similar to a regular wooden paddle, but it’s necessary to strike slightly harder/more times to get the desired results since the rubber paddle has more flexibility than a standard wooden paddle.  Not much more flexibility, but a significant enough difference to make a slight change in the way one would spank with it.

When it comes to the ping pong paddle, the implement is much lighter and less dense, and therefore would require more strikes to get the desired results.  The rubber coat on the ping pong paddle isn’t enough to make a MAJOR difference, but it does pad the strike slightly making the sting slightly less intense.  Thus, it would require a few more strikes to have the same impact as, say, a standard wooden paddle.

Again, we personally do not use rubber paddles, but our thoughts on them are basically this: we feel they can be an appropriate implement to use when conducting a spanking if used correctly, so therefore we’re comfortable recommending them to those who wish to try them.

Any general tips for relationships in which one person really would like to do spanking and the other is just not into it?

Typically there is one specific reason why one partner in a relationship will not agree to spank, or will not agree to be spanked.  It could be something from their past, or they may view spanking as sexual foreplay only, or they may not be able to differentiate between spanking and “hitting”, etc.  It could be any number of things, and in this situation it’s best that a couple identify what exactly the problem is, discuss it at length, and address it.  A couple has to get to the very root of the problem before this situation can be resolved.  If after a lengthy discussion the reluctant partner still isn’t on board with the idea, then a couple can do what’s known as “systematic desensitization.”

The best way to get past a “hang up” like this is to actually do it.  That may sound obvious and it is, but in our opinion, the best way to address this problem is to take “baby steps”, if you will.  For instance, start out with a couple strikes on the buttocks initially just to get started.  Maybe start out with only three or four strikes the first time, then increase to six or seven the next time, then increase to ten or twelve times the third time, and so on and so forth until you reach the level you desire.  Once the reluctant partner is actually DOING this, they’ll likely see that spanking isn’t the terrible thing (or whatever they initially thought it was) they believed it to be.  This technique is known as “systematic desensitization.”  It’s a technique used more to treat phobias (irrational fears), but it’s applicable to this particular problem.  The best way to address something like this is to expose the reluctant partner to what they’re afraid of (in this case spanking) in a very safe and controlled environment.

If you’ve tried these things and the reluctant partner still isn’t willing to spank, then perhaps domestic discipline, or the spanking aspect of it at least, isn’t for your relationship.  If you’re a regular reader of this website, it should be clear that spanking and the entire domestic discipline lifestyle should be consensual between both partners.  So if one partner does not consent to spanking, then no spanking should be taking place in the relationship.

What if one partner enjoys spankings like for sex? Can you make erotic spankings different from punishment spankings?

Yes, you most certainly can.  We discuss this entire problem at length right here.

Do you ever recommend spanking on the backs of the thighs?

Yes we do, however spanking on the back of the thighs needs to be very carefully done.  All spankings need to be carefully done of course, but when it comes to spanking on the thighs, the importance of being careful is magnified.   The back of the thighs are more sensitive than the buttocks, and therefore can bruise or welt much more easily.  We’re comfortable recommending spanking on the back of the thighs, however if one chooses to spank on the back of the thighs, we’d only recommend they strike approximately ten times (or less) on each thigh.  Anything beyond that can cause bruising/welting which isn’t the point of spanking.  The majority of the spanking should be done on the buttocks.

Anytime I am spanked, even if it is for punishment (hard and to the point I cry), I am sexually aroused. How can we make the discipline feel more like an actual punishment?

We would start by spanking over the underwear/clothing rather than bare bottomed, and we would also recommend not spanking in such a sexually suggestive position.  For instance, we would suggest using the “Kneeling On The Furniture” position (as described on the positions entry) as opposed to the “Over The Knee” position or the “Leaning Over The Bed” position.  If you’re currently spanking with breaks in between sets of strikes, you can also refrain from rubbing the buttocks if that gives you any kind of arousal.  If all else fails, you could try using a silent spanking.

What this comes down to is identifying what exactly is stimulating you and either altering that stimuli in a non-arousing way, or removing that stimuli from the spanking process altogether.  Something, or multiple things, are exciting you sexually at some point during the spanking process and they need to be avoided/changed/removed if this is going to get corrected.

These were all terrific questions, and certainly questions we get asked rather frequently.  Hopefully this helps some of you struggling with these issues.  Thanks to those of you who submitted these questions.

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