Domestic Discipline Challenge: Distance Discipline

There are times when a head of the household and their partner are apart for extended periods of time.  The HoH  may have to go out of town on business for a few days, or the submissive partner may visit loved ones out of town for a while, or it may be some other unforeseen set of circumstances where the two are apart for days at a time.

It’s human nature to test the limits when a disciplinarian or authoritative presence isn’t around to hold you accountable for your actions.  Think about it.  When a cop isn’t around, you tend to drive faster.  When a cop is two cars behind you, you drive the speed limit since you don’t want to be held accountable for speeding.  When your boss is out to lunch, your focus goes out the window.  When your boss returns, you go back to being the hard-working employee your boss expects.  The same concept exists in a domestic discipline relationship.

If an HoH isn’t home to enforce the rules, the probability of the submissive partner making a mistake increases.  There’s a saying that holds a lot of truth when it comes to something like this: “When the cat is away, the mouse will play.”  There is no immediate threat of punishment/discipline when couples are apart from one another for extended periods of time, therefore it’s much more likely mistakes will be made during that time apart.

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  My partner made a mistake while I was out of town, and it’s something we spank for.  I’m not at home to take care of it, so how should I handle this situation?

When any mistake is made, a lecture is the first step.  A HoH doesn’t need to be in the presence of their partner to conduct a lecture.  This can be done over the phone, or it can be done over a computer video chat if the couple is apart from one another.  We’ve discussed an effective way of lecturing, and the idea is the same when there is distance between the couple.  It’s important for the couple to have a discussion about why the mistake is/was a problem, and what should be done next time in similar future situations.

Since the HoH isn’t home to punish for the offense, it obviously creates a problem when it comes to discipline.  The only punishment that is seriously affected by the distance between the couple is spanking Corner time, bedroom time and removing privileges can all be done while apart, although there has to be trust between the couple that the punishment will actually be done.  We’ll get to that aspect in just a moment.  When it comes to spanking, obviously the distance makes it impossible to do right away, so the HoH has to go about it a little differently.

Since the HoH isn’t home to spank, we recommend a small punishment be done each day the couple is apart. When the HoH returns home, they can then carry out the spanking.  Holding the submissive partner accountable each day apart, even with minor punishments, will accomplish two important things: 1) The submissive partner will understand they are being held accountable for their actions, and they’re not “getting away with it” or “getting off the hook.”  2) It will make potential additional mistakes much less likely during your time apart.  It will remind the submissive partner that their behavior was inappropriate/unacceptable, and it will remind them they shouldn’t be behaving inappropriately simply because the HoH isn’t there to hold them accountable.

The minor punishments each day can be any number of things.  We recommend they be something the HoH can see results of upon returning home so they know these punishments were actually done.  For instance, having the submissive partner do a household chore each day, or having them write a one page apology letter each day, or having the submissive partner write reflections each day is much easier for the HoH to see results.  There is “evidence” that they were done when the HoH returns home.  Corner time, bedroom time, or removing privileges each day can be effective, but it’s a little harder for the HoH to know those punishments were carried out since they weren’t home to ensure it.  Hopefully enough trust is in the relationship that this wouldn’t be a problem, but some relationships aren’t quite to that point yet, and that’s okay.  It comes with time, patience and practice.

As we said before, when the HoH returns home they can then spank for any spankable offense the submissive partner made during their time apart.  If there were multiple spankable offenses made, then we recommend a spanking be done on consecutive days until all offenses are accounted for.

If the HoH wanted their partner to do corner time or bedroom time each day while away and they learn that the submissive partner didn’t do the things asked of them, then we recommend punishing for the disrespect/defiance.   The same goes for any privileges that the HoH removed that they later learn their partner used anyway.  What the HoH chooses as punishment for the disrespect/defiance is, of course, ultimately up to them.

Distance discipline isn’t easy, but it’s necessary sometimes.  It’s a unique situation that requires a unique course of action.  We feel the way of handling it we’ve described above is the most effective way of doing so that yields the best results.  As always, please feel free to ask any questions or share any thoughts you may have in the comments.

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