Blended spankings

We’ve literally waited two years to write this post.  Waiting that long to write this post was planned, and intentional.  Why?  Well, because we felt it would have been irresponsible to post it any earlier than that, and we also feel a domestic discipline couple really needs to know what they’re doing before considering spanking this way. We feel “blended spankings” are most effective after a strong, healthy, and efficient foundation of domestic discipline (and spanking) has been established in a relationship/marriage first.


A couple needs to be completely comfortable with all aspects of spanking before considering spanking like this.  We recommend that both partners completely understand how the other responds to different implements and different spanking positions.  A couple needs to know how each other handles themselves in different spanking situations.  A couple needs to know how to, and be able to, differentiate the seriousness of an offense by varying the intensity of the spanking.  “Blended spankings” are most effective when the head of the household understands how to effectively lecture.  We also feel that the HoH needs to understand the pain tolerance and pain threshold of their partner, and that the submissive partner needs to have mastered being “submissive.”  The submissive partner needs to be outstanding at cooperating with any and all direction from the HoH in spanking situations before considering “blended spankings.”

The bottom line is this – we strongly feel that a couple needs to be experienced with spanking and needs to know exactly how spanking works best in their relationship before spanking this way.

  What you’re about to read is a recommended guideline to be used as a template for your own domestic discipline relationship/marriage.  A couple should always work together to find what works best for them.

If you consider yourself to be experienced in the lifestyle, feel free to skip this next segment (separated by the lines).  If you’re new to domestic discipline, please continue reading the next segment.


  When the Domestic Discipline blog launched, there was a calculated plan and vision for it from the very beginning.  That vision and plan was to write and proceed under the assumption that a reader had never heard of domestic discipline before.  The blog was designed and conceptualized to literally “walk” a new couple through the domestic discipline lifestyle, starting with the definition and breaking everything else down into very simple and (hopefully) easy to follow recommendations.

The idea was to help a couple get started with this very rewarding, yet very complex, lifestyle so they could get their “foot in the door” with it and begin shaping and molding how things are done in a way that works best for them.

So, having said all of that, we recommend that you start with Beginner Level Spankings if you consider yourself to be new to the domestic discipline lifestyle, and spanking.  You can then work your way up from there.  This post may not be for you at this moment, but there may be a time where it is relevant and helpful to you down the road.

Obviously you can continue reading this post if you feel so inclined, however please keep in mind that it is written primarily for those with a significant amount of experience living the domestic discipline lifestyle.  We don’t want this post to scare you away from starting domestic discipline (or continuing with it) in your relationship/marriage.  Also, you may never end up spanking this way at all.  Always do what’s best for you, your partner, and your relationship.


What is a “blended spanking?”

First of all, the term “blended spanking” is a term my wife and I coined for this type of spanking.  It isn’t a technical term by any means, nor is it a term used by numerous domestic discipline couples (that we know of, anyway).  We made the term up for our own marriage.  We wanted a term that differentiated this type of spanking from the others, and a term that both of us understood the meaning of the instant we heard it.  If you’d like to use the term in your marriage, by all means, please do so.  You can obviously call it whatever you want, but “blended spankings” are what my wife and I call this type of spanking.  It works for us.

A “blended spanking” is a spanking in which the lecture from the head of the household is done at various points throughout the spanking while the spanking is in progress.  Rather than lecture before or after the spanking itself, the HoH quite literally lectures as they spank.  The HoH “blends” the lecture with the spanking essentially, hence why we’ve named this type of spanking a “blended spanking” in our own marriage.

A “blended spanking” is much more psychologically intense for the submissive partner than the other types of spankings outlined on this website.  A “blended spanking” also requires a much more stern tone from the HoH when they lecture.  The lecture needs to send a VERY clear message to the submissive partner that their behavior needs to change and change immediately.  More on that point throughout the remainder of this post.

How do you conduct a “blended spanking?”

In the spirit of step-by-step recommendations that Learning Domestic Discipline has become known for, we’ll do the same for the “blended spanking”  recommendations.  Every step of a “blended spanking” is important and done for a reason, so there will be a lot of detailed explanation throughout.

  Once again, what you’re about to read is a recommended guideline to be used as a template for your own domestic discipline relationship/marriage.  A couple should always work together to find what works best for them.

Step 1 will begin under the assumption that the couple has already had an open discussion about the problem/infraction ahead of time, both partners are calm, cool, and collected, and the couple is in the bedroom (or wherever it is that they typically conduct their spankings) and is ready to carry out the spanking.

Step 1: The submissive partner gets into the over the knee (OTK) spanking position, bare bottomed.  The HoH gently rests their spanking hand on their partner’s bare bottom and begins to lecture.

The OTK position is recommended for three reasons – 1) the words/lecture from the HoH will resonate and “sink in” much more effectively when the submissive partner is literally in the spanking position, 2) the OTK position puts the buttocks in a vulnerable state, which is ideal for conducting a warm up spanking, and 3) the OTK position is widely considered to be the most intimate spanking position.

Bare bottomed is recommended for three reasons – 1) the submissive partner listens more attentively when their buttocks is exposed, 2) bare bottomed spankings are considered to be the most intimate way in which to spank, and 3) the HoH, at any sign of defiance from their partner, can strike the buttocks immediately with an effective sting.

The HoH gently resting their hand on their partner’s bare bottom is recommended for two reasons – 1) the submissive partner listens much better since they know that at any moment, or at any sign of defiance, the HoH can immediately strike their bare bottom, and 2) the HoH’s hand is in ideal spanking position, so they can immediately strike at any sign of defiance from their partner.

The lecture needs to be very to-the-point, very clear, and very stern.  It needs to have a “I’m not messing around here” tone to convey that the negative action or behavior was unacceptable/inappropriate and is to never happen again.  Something to the effect of,  “I expect the rules to be followed.  (The infraction) is not something I’m going to tolerate.  It stops now.  Is that clear?

Step 2: The HoH carries out the warm up spanking.

After a brief lecturing period (30-60 seconds or so), the HoH then conducts the warm up spanking.

Step 3:  The submissive partner remains in the OTK position, bare bottomed, and the HoH gently rubs the bare bottom for approximately two minutes, lecturing as doing so.

The submissive partner remaining in the OTK position bare bottomed is recommended for the same reasons outlined in step 1.

The HoH rubbing the buttocks during this time is recommended for three reasons – 1) it subdues the sting just a bit (the warm up isn’t intended to be the correcting influence) and helps bring the nerves of the buttocks to the surface, 2) it increases intimacy between partners, 3) it helps the submissive partner to feel cared for and loved, which is extremely important in a moment like this.

Again, the lecturing needs to be very to-the-point, and needs to clearly send the message that the behavior was out of line, or not in accordance with the agreed upon rules of the relationship/marriage.  Something to the effect of, “I don’t want to have to punish for this again.  I expect this to be the last time (the infraction) happens.  If it does happen again, the spanking will be more intense.  Understood?

Step 4:  The submissive partner either remains in the OTK spanking position or gets into the “Leaning Over The Bed” position, remains bare bottomed, and the HoH proceeds to conduct the “main” spanking as the lecturing continues.

It’s best the submissive partner remain in the OTK spanking position for the reasons outlined in step 1, however the “Leaning Over The Bed” position is acceptable as well.  At this point the submissive partner’s stomach may begin to hurt from lying OTK, so a different position is worth considering if that’s the case.  The overall effectiveness will remain virtually the same in either position, and the comfort level of the submissive partner should always be taken into consideration.

There are no set recommendations for the “main” spanking.  There is no recommended number of strikes, there is no recommended time frame, there is/are no recommended implement(s) – this spanking is conducted under the “spank until the lesson is learned” mentality, using the implement(s) that has/have been proven to be the most effective for the couple.

At this point in the spanking, it’s recommended the lecturing consist of questions from the HoH as they strike.  For example, “Do you understand why you’re being punished?”  (Strike, strike, strike, strike)  “Am I going to have to punish for this again?”  (Strike, strike, strike, strike)  “Is (the infraction) going to happen again?” (Strike, strike, strike, strike)  And so on.

This part of the lecture and how it’s done accomplishes two things – 1) it gets the submissive partner thinking about the infraction and what is expected of them the next time they’re in a similar situation, and 2) it concretely associates and correlates the pain from the spanking with the negative infraction, making the probability of correcting the behavior long term MUCH higher.

Step 5:  About half way through the spanking, it’s recommended the HoH stop striking momentarily and gently rest their spanking hand on their partner’s bare buttocks, and continue lecturing for approximately 30 seconds.

The HoH gently resting their hand on their partner’s bare bottom is recommended for the same reasons outlined in step 1.

The lecture continues to be stern and very straight forward.  Something along the lines of, “I am NOT spanking for this again.  Do you understand me?  I expect you to follow our rules at all times.  (The infraction) is NEVER to happen again.  I’m not dealing with this anymore.  It stops immediately.  Are we clear?”

Step 6:  The HoH finishes up the remainder of the spanking.

Again, there’s no recommended number of strikes, no recommended time frame, etc.  This entire spanking is conducted under the “spank until the lesson is learned” mentality, and everything is done at the discretion of the head of the household.

Step 7:  Once the spanking is over, the HoH then comforts their partner (and vice versa).

The comforting after a “blended spanking” is recommended to be the same as it is after any other punishment spanking.  For more information/recommendations regarding comforting after punishment, please click here.

That’s it.  Spanking over.

  For a third time, this is a recommended guideline to be used as a template for your own domestic discipline relationship/marriage.  A couple should always work together to find what works best for them.

“Blended spankings” are extremely effective in both correcting behaviors and enhancing intimacy between partners.  Many domestic discipline couples feel that “blended spankings” are the “correct” way in which to spank.  For them to be as effective as they’re designed to be, however, the HoH MUST lecture properly, and must use the correct tone when lecturing.  That’s the key to this entire process.

The beauty of “blended spankings”, in addition to their effectiveness, is that they don’t take very long to conduct.  While the outlined steps may suggest otherwise at first glance, this entire process really only takes a few minutes (that time frame depends on the severity of the spanking).  There aren’t (necessarily) any more strikes added, and “blended spankings” aren’t necessarily any more “severe” than the way an experienced couple currently spanks – they’re just structured a little differently.

There is one con to spanking this way, however, and it’s a pretty big one.  Once a couple starts using “blended spankings”, it’s very difficult to go back to the way they were spanking before.  The effectiveness of “blended spankings” is so far superior to the other methods of spanking that going back on them is very difficult to do and/or justify.  So, if you’re considering “blended spankings,” make SURE they’re what you want to do for the foreseeable future because it’s very difficult to spank any other way after using them.  Just keep that in mind.

Like we said, it can take a great deal of time and experience to get to the point where “blended spankings” are a reasonable option for a domestic discipline couple.  This type of spanking certainly isn’t for everyone, however if conducted property, “blended spankings” effectively achieve the long term correction of an unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental action or behavior.

Please feel free ask any questions, or share any thoughts you may have in the comments. You may also contact us by clicking here.


4 thoughts on “Blended spankings

  1. Thank you for your informative post. We are finding that the most important part of Dd is not the paddle, but rather the communication. Yesterday Jack and I sat in the sun in chairs facing the sound and just talked about us. Once again, we talked about the rough spots, the smooth parts and what we need to do to continue to get better. Once again, Jack said to me that men want to take control and be in charge. They want to fix things and make them right. He says it is up to me to lean into that belief. Sorry to go on and on! Communication is essential.

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