Being approachable as Head of Household

We all talked about how important it is that our partners don’t feel intimidated, nervous, threatened, or scared to discuss with us any and all concerns they may have about domestic discipline and/or how it’s being practiced in the relationship.  I don’t like to speak for others, but in this case I feel comfortable saying that everyone in the room agreed that this is a crucial part of a healthy and successful domestic discipline relationship.

The men also understood how difficult this may be for some submissive partners to do.  After all, the HoH is the one “in charge”, and the role of the submissive partner is to follow their lead, defer to their decision making, and not question their authority.  Right?

Hmm.  That’s a really good question.  The overall generic answer to this question is “yes” for most domestic discipline couples, which is consistent with the lifestyle, but how literal is that to be taken?  As with everything else in domestic discipline, the answer to that question will vary from couple to couple, but I do know one thing that’s pretty universal in the domestic discipline lifestyle – it isn’t to be taken so literally that the submissive partner feels as though they have no voice in the relationship, and cannot express their thoughts or opinions to their partner whenever and/or wherever they feel it necessary to do so.

Just because the HoH is the final decision maker doesn’t mean the submissive partner doesn’t have a voice, or that their opinion doesn’t matter.

It’s their relationship too, after all.  If the submissive partner has a great point or an excellent idea, an HoH should absolutely acknowledge it and adjust the final decision accordingly (if necessary).  That isn’t giving up authority in the home, or a putting a dent in the HoH armor, or questioning an HoH’s authority and/or decision making skills – that is working together to do what’s best for the relationship.  That’s doing what’s best for the family.  That’s being a good HoH.

The HoH’s final decision may or may not remain the same after hearing their partner’s input on any given decision, but a submissive partner should always feel as though their thoughts and opinions matter because they do.

This principle remains the same if a submissive partner feels as though something is off, or if they feel uncomfortable at any time, when it comes to how domestic discipline is being practiced in the relationship.  They have consented to living this way with their HoH.  The submissive partner has consented to “submitting” to their HoH.  This is a gift to the HoH, not a right.  The gift of submission is one that can be taken away, and one that should never be abused or taken advantage of by the head of the household.

There’s a fine line when it comes to this, and it’s a difficult one to work with.  Submissive partners reading this may be thinking, “Yes! Clint is finally giving me a reason to tell my HoH how much I hate that stupid silent spanking cream!  In the trash it goes!“, but that isn’t how this works.  Maybe my wife is the only one that would do something like that? (Love you honey!  )

In all seriousness, if something is causing the submissive partner concern when it comes to how they’re being punished, or how they’re being spoken to, or how they’re being treated by their HoH, they should absolutely feel comfortable discussing that concern with their HoH.  Growth in a domestic discipline relationship doesn’t come from one partner, it comes from both of them.  An HoH should attentively listen to their partner’s concerns with genuine interest and contrition, and, if necessary, make adjustments to how things are done.

Is it always easy for a submissive partner to approach their HoH about something like this?  No, it isn’t.  But, despite being difficult to do, it should still be done.  It’s important to the health, happiness, and growth of the relationship.  If a submissive partner is scared to discuss domestic discipline with their HoH, then something is clearly wrong.  Professional help may or may not be necessary, but a submissive partner should never fear approaching their HoH regarding anything, not just domestic discipline related topics.

So how does an HoH make themselves more approachable?

Well, the easiest way would be to bring it up first.

Hey honey, I just want to remind you that if you ever have anything on your mind, whether it be about domestic discipline or otherwise, you can always talk to me at any time about it, alright?  In fact, is there anything you want to talk about right now?  How are you feeling about the domestic discipline aspect of our relationship?

This opens the door for the submissive partner to express themselves, and this also lets the submissive partner know that their HoH is ready, willing, and able to to listen to them and give them their full attention.  This also indicates that the HoH will be receptive to their partner’s thoughts without feeling  “insulted”, or that their authority is being questioned.  Since the HoH brought it up, they’re indicating that they’re ready to work together on this in a mature and productive way.  This approach takes a lot of pressure off of the submissive partner.

The HoH bringing this up every month or two will ensure a healthy domestic discipline dynamic remains a part of the relationship for years to come.  It takes maybe 10 seconds to say that.  That 10 seconds may drastically improve the domestic discipline aspect of the relationship.

2 thoughts on “Being approachable as Head of Household

  1. On the other hand…

    My wife and I certainly didn’t have a domestic discipline marriage, but after thirty years it seems to have come apart, and one reason is that she started this incessant questioning routine.

    It wasn’t just sometimes, or when I was doing something stupid, or when she had a better idea — it was constant, and it really got to where I had to say something. When she wouldn’t accept that, well, we had one more reason to part ways.

    To give an example — and I want to emphasize this is just an example — we were moving the dining room table. Now, I operated my own moving business for twenty years, and I daresay I know how to move furniture. So I say, ‘pick up the table.’

    ‘Why don’t we drag it?’

    Not across a polished wood floor you don’t — but why am I discussing this? Heck, she’s worked with me on occasion. You never drag anything across a finished wood floor. She’s also more than strong enough to pick up her end of the table without discomfort.

    It was weird. This nonsense started about two years ago, and it steadily got worse until it was incessant. I couldn’t move without having to debate what I’d just decided to do.

    So it can go too far, and it can be a device to undermine what is — as in the example I gave — perfectly legitimate authority. If this had been an isolated case, or if she’d actually had a point, it would have been one thing, but this wasn’t that. It was something else, and it had nothing to do with the best way to move the table.

Leave a Reply