Approaching others about Domestic Discipline as HoH

How does one go about talking to others about domestic discipline?  Whether that person is a friend, a co-worker, a relative, a doctor – whomever it may be – it’s not an easy thing to do.  Most people opt not to do so to save themselves the explanation and/or the embarrassment of it.  In my (Clint) opinion it doesn’t have to be that way, or feel that way.  It’s a difficult thing to do and a very delicate topic, but it can be done.

Before we get started, I want to clarify that this post is from the HoH’s perspective. My wife wrote a sister post to this one on the very same topic, which is written from the submissive partner’s point of view.  The link to her post is at the bottom of the entry.

It isn’t a daily occurrence by any means, but every now and then I come across a couple who I feel could greatly benefit from the domestic discipline lifestyle.  It may be a friend of mine expressing their frustration with the behaviors of their partner, or it may be a situation where I observe a couple with very clear elements of disrespect in their relationship.  Whatever the case may be, body language makes it clear (to me at least) that there is some element of unhappiness and/or frustration in the relationship, and naturally I want to help.

It’s not always my place or my business.  I get that.  I’m not suggesting anyone stick their nose where it doesn’t belong, however I do feel that offering help to the couple is appropriate when A) clearly they are unhappy in the relationship, and B) I feel so strongly about the help that I’m offering.  Domestic discipline doesn’t solve everything.  I also understand that.  But, I feel it can enhance a relationship and help any couple if done correctly.  Like I said, I want to help in any way I can, and sometimes I offer help in the form of domestic discipline.

It’s not easy and it isn’t always well received at first, but I offer it as an option to a struggling couple.  The part that may surprise you the most is that my success rate is much better than you probably think. It’s not like I outwardly say, “Hey, you should do Domestic Discipline!  That would solve everything!”  Not hardly.  As I said before, it’s a delicate topic that requires a delicate approach.

  I know a struggling couple and I want to help them out.  How do I talk to them about the idea of domestic discipline?

The first thing to do is offer help.  There’s no need to disclose what it is immediately, just offer help.  If you say “domestic discipline” right from the start, the conversation may not go the way you’d like it to.  What I typically say is something to the effect of the following:

I’m really sorry to hear about these things.  I’m sure it’s really hard for you to deal with.  I know I would be just as frustrated as you are if I were in your position.  You know, I’m not trying to get into your business by any means, but I do have an idea that I think could really help you out if it’s something you want to look in to.  It may or may not help, but I think it’s at least worth considering.  You don’t have to, but I just thought I’d offer some help to you if you want it.

I’ve never had anyone say no to that.

The next step is preparing that person for what you’re about to discuss.  Typically I require them to agree to three things before we even get started.

Sure, I’m happy to help.  Before we get into it though, I just want to quickly ask three things of you, if I can.  One, you have an open mind to this idea.  Please don’t immediately brush it off.  At least hear me out.  Two, don’t Google it.  At least not right away.  And three, don’t judge my wife and I for doing what we’re about to discuss.  Can you promise me those three things?

I’ve never had anyone say no to that either.

Great.  Thank you.  I really appreciate that.  Alright, so the idea I’m talking about here is what’s known as domestic discipline.  Have you ever heard of this?  If so, what do you know about it?

In my experience, more often than not the person has no idea what I’m talking about.  However, in the rare instance this person has heard of domestic discipline, usually they have a terribly negative opinion about it from the start.  I can’t say I blame them.  I did too, at first, until I had an open mind about it and learned more about it.  If you’ve made it this far in the conversation they’ve already promised an open mind to it just moments ago, so they’ll hear you out.

At this point you explain what domestic discipline is.  I would recommend you set aside quite a bit of time at this point to discuss it, because it’s a pretty complex topic to discuss and they’re going to have a lot of questions.   In fact, it’s a good idea to say something to the person you’re talking to about how long this takes to discuss.

Okay, well, domestic discipline is a pretty complex topic to discuss.  Do you have time right now to discuss it?  If not, that’s fine, we can discuss it at another time.  If we go that route though, please remember not to Google it until you and I discuss it.  Please.  I don’t want you getting the wrong idea from the start.  It’s something that gets exploited, and I don’t want you to get scared off before we even have a chance to talk about it.

Once you both have the time to talk about it, you discuss what exactly a domestic discipline lifestyle is, and what exactly it entails.  It would take hours for me to write out a mock conversation at this point, so hopefully this part can come naturally to you.  I’ve given you the approach – the rest is up to you.

I know this isn’t easy to do.  However, I’d be willing to bet there is at least one couple that immediately comes to your mind that could benefit from the domestic discipline lifestyle.  Probably more than one couple comes to your mind, in fact.  If you believe in this lifestyle, if you have experienced the benefits of it, and if you believe it would benefit those couples that come to your mind, I encourage you to have the bravery to offer them this help.  I promise you they will be forever thankful for your courage in offering them this “unusual” help if they decide to incorporate this lifestyle into their relationship.  It’s such a rewarding feeling for everyone involved.

To read my wife’s post on this very same topic, which has a lot of fantastic tips, click here.

7 thoughts on “Approaching others about Domestic Discipline as HoH

  1. I loved this article very much. It was incredibly thoughtful and well-written. Unfortunately, when I tried to visit the link to your wife’s approach, it said “Page Not Found”. Please help me find it, as I really would like to read her thoughts. Thank you.

  2. Hi Clint. I truly appreciate this post. I saw where you said Chelsea wrote about this topic as a submissive wife. I am in a situation with a friend who wants this type of relationship and although it is with her boyfriend and not her husband, wants me to help her address it with him. I did send a link to this blog, but she hasn’t read it yet. She knows she desired this, but is nervous and wants to talk about it with me a few more times. Anyway, is there a way I can see what Chelsea wrote about this? Maybe it could help me to help her.
    My husband hasn’t met her boyfriend yet. So he couldn’t talk to him about it right now.

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