Abuse of power in Domestic discipline

As you know (unless you happen to be looking into this lifestyle for the first time), the domestic discipline dynamic is designed to eliminate the proverbial “power struggle” in a relationship. When operating the way it’s intended to, that’s precisely what domestic discipline does. The head of the household is the ultimate authority in the relationship and home while the submissive partner defers, or yields, or “submits” to that authority. The HoH is the one in charge while the submissive partner helps when and where they can. That’s generalizing things of course, but that’s essentially the premise in which this lifestyle operates and thrives upon.


The title “head of the household” comes with a tremendous amount of responsibility and accountability. It’s a very challenging role that puts any who accepts it to the test in many different ways. Being the head of the household requires sound reasoning skills, patience, critical thinking, logic, care, compassion, compromising skills, sound moral and ethical character among many other things. It’s not a role to be taken lightly.

It’s also not a role to be abused and/or taken advantage of. In addition to the characteristics listed above, being the head of the household also requires fairness, and an element of self restraint.

It would be easy, relatively speaking, for a head of the household to abuse their power as the ultimate authority in the relationship and home. It would be easy, relatively speaking, for an HoH to take advantage of certain circumstances, or to take advantage of the “submissiveness” their partner gives to them. It would be easy, relatively speaking, for an HoH to make decisions that have their own personal interests/agendas at heart rather than the best interests/agendas of the relationship and family.

That simply isn’t the way domestic discipline works.

That isn’t a healthy way to live this lifestyle. That isn’t the spirit of it.

Working through problems together is a big part of domestic discipline. If the head of the household abuses their power by making decisions based on what’s best for them rather than what’s best for everyone, the relationship and home will suffer in the long run. It may not be right away, but at some point that selfishness in the HoH will catch up to the couple and things will begin to deteriorate.

All of this may seem like common sense to you, which it is for the most part. But situations like this have been brought to our attention enough times that we decided to write an entire post about it. It’s important. It’s very important.

A good HoH will listen to the thoughts, opinions, and ideas of their partner and take them into heavy consideration when making the final decision. In order to have everyone’s best interest at heart when making a final decision, an HoH must have all pertinent information relating to the issue before determining the best course of action.

An informed decision yields the best results. Decisions made on impulse, or decisions made for selfish reasons, are counter-productive and counter-intuitive to the meaning of living the domestic discipline lifestyle. Decisions should be made with careful consideration and calculation by the head of the household. Decisions need to be well thought out, basically. Some decisions are certainly easier than others, but they all need to have the best interest of the relationship and family at heart.

Where this all gets really challenging for an HoH is when it comes to the issue of persuasion. An HoH shouldn’t be persuaded to make a decision that the submissive partner wants them to make (no matter how hard the submissive partner tries 🙂 ). At the end of the day, the ramifications of the decisions made, whether those ramifications are good or bad, fall on the shoulders of the HoH. While persuasion may be difficult to deflect, it’s important an HoH do so and ultimately make the decision that will benefit the relationship and family the most, even if that decision isn’t the “popular” choice or the “easy” choice.

There’s a difference between persuasion and influence, by the way. The submissive partner’s thoughts, opinions, ideas, etc. can certainly influence a decision, but they shouldn’t persuade a decision one way or the other. We just wanted to throw that in there.

The “easy” decision, or the “popular” decision, isn’t always the best one for the overall health of relationship and home. This is why it’s important that the HoH refrain from “abusing their power” by making decisions simply because they’re convenient or selfishly appealing, all the while knowing deep down that they aren’t in the best interest of the relationship and family.

Like we said earlier, the head of the household title comes with a lot of responsibility and accountability. As such, it’s important the HoH role be taken seriously when it comes to every decision that needs to be made, not just the difficult ones.

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