Happy Christmas, everyone!
Today we’re gearing this post towards those who are looking into domestic discipline, have never heard of it, or who are beginners to the lifestyle. We know that there is a lot of information on domestic discipline all over our blog, and it sometimes can be difficult to locate (we’re working on that!). If you only read one post while looking into the lifestyle, we hope it’s this one.
Domestic discipline is a complex lifestyle that involves a lot of questions, confusion, myths, truths, facts, realities, and so much more. Below we have put together the ten things we would like everyone to know about domestic discipline upon first researching, or beginning, the lifestyle.
(Note: These are in no particular order)
1. Not every domestic discipline relationship uses spanking. Domestic discipline is a lifestyle in which rules and consequences are set forth in an effort to better the relationship. Those consequences do not need to include spanking. In most domestic discipline relationships spanking is used. However, there are a number of couples who choose to implement domestic discipline into their relationship and are just as successful. Domestic discipline is not a spanking relationship. Often times, couples zero in on the spanking aspect of it without understanding that it a) isn’t a mandatory requirement to practice domestic discipline and/or b) can be just as successful without it.
For more information on domestic discipline relationships without spanking, please click here.
2. Domestic discipline relationships are consensual. If you’ve been researching domestic discipline for a little while now, you’ve probably seen this statement pounded into your head several times. Consent, consent, consent. But, it’s important to understand what that consent implies. From the submissive partner’s perspective, consenting to domestic discipline means that you agree to allow your partner (the HOH) to set forth rules and hold you accountable through a series of agreed upon consequences. From the HOH’s perspective, consenting to domestic discipline means that you agree to upholding your end of the domestic discipline agreement through holding your partner accountable. It’s important to note that consent is given at the beginning of the couples domestic discipline relationship, and not on a case-by-case basis. It’s also important to understand that consent can be withdrawn at any time, by either party.
For more information on consent in domestic discipline relationships please click here.
3. Inconsistency is going to happen, and that’s okay. It’s inevitable. No domestic discipline relationship is 100% consistent, and perfect, all of the time. Whether it happens within one week, one month, one year, or a decade of beginning the lifestyle, it will happen, and that’s okay. It’s important not to get discouraged, but instead know how to handle it when it does arise, and know where it is likely coming from. Once you know the source of the inconsistency, it can be easy to fix.
4. No two couples practice domestic discipline the same way. Similar to the #2 point that we made (in regards to consent), you’ve likely heard this a time or two while researching domestic discipline, but it’s true and it’s worth repeating. No two couples practice domestic discipline the same way. What is a rule for one couple may be perfectly fine for the next, and the severity of one submissive partner’s spanking may be different for you. That’s okay. That’s all part of what makes domestic discipline unique. On the same token, it’s important to not compare yourself or your relationship to other domestic discipline couples, and to understand that the advice that you read (both here on Learning Domestic Discipline, and elsewhere) is meant to be a template that you can use to modify domestic discipline into what works the best for you and your partner.
5. There are so many types of domestic discipline relationships. Domestic discipline is definitely not a “one size fits all” type of relationship, as we discussed a little bit in the above point. Domestic discipline comes in many different shapes and forms. Most of what you may hear about in domestic discipline stories, or around the domestic discipline community is the traditional form (where the male is the HOH and the female is the submissive partner). However, there are several other types, which you can read more about below.
6. Both parties must be committed to making domestic discipline work. Domestic discipline is definitely not designed to be a one-sided relationship. If both the HOH and the submissive partner are not 100% on board with domestic discipline, it will be a struggle to make it work (or, it will not work at all). Domestic discipline takes both parties equally working together at this lifestyle, which can sometimes be difficult.
For more information on commitment in domestic discipline please click here.
7. You’re going to make mistakes, and that’s okay. This is geared towards both the HOH and the submissive partner. Both of you are going to make mistakes throughout domestic discipline. As we mentioned earlier, no one is perfect at it. There may be times where the submissive partner breaks the rules for the 3rd time in a short period of time, or where the HOH punishes too severely, or too lightly. These are just a few examples of common occurrences, but the bottom line is that it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to show your partner that you aren’t perfect. Be yourself. Domestic discipline is not meant to change your personality.
For more information on common mistakes in domestic discipline relationships please click here.
8. Domestic discipline is not abuse. Obviously, we cannot speak for every single domestic discipline relationship out there. But, if domestic discipline is practiced consensually, appropriately, and with loving intent behind it, it is not abusive. This is something that it is imperative to understand before beginning this lifestyle. Domestic discipline relationships are founded on the premises of core principals like trust, honesty, respect, communication, and love. If practiced correctly, domestic discipline is not abusive in any way.
For more information on abuse in domestic discipline please click here.
9. Crying might not always happen. A lot of times beginners to the lifestyle get this picture in their head of how a spanking in domestic discipline will go, and usually that image involves what they have seen in movies, read about it books or on other domestic discipline blogs, or fantasized about and it usually always has the submissive partner crying in the end. While it’s definitely possible to receive spankings where crying does occur, that likely will not be the case every single time. A large number of women in domestic discipline relationships have a difficult time releasing emotions from the spanking alone, and often times it’s the lecture, or the emotional pain of disappointing their HOH, that ignites tears. It’s important to understand that it’s okay to not cry every single time. This is an issue that a lot of people face, and it is normal.
For more information on crying during a spanking please click here.
10. You have resources, and you have help. No one should ever be alone in domestic discipline, and we’re here to ensure that doesn’t happen. Domestic discipline couples, no matter what stage of domestic discipline they’re in, ALWAYS have resources. You always have a place to go when you have questions, are confused, or when things get rough.
So there you have it. 10 things we hope every new couple to the lifestyle knows.