The “What’s next phase” in Domestic Discipline – you started DD, now what?

Over the course of the 3 (almost 4!) years that Learning Domestic Discipline has been around we have covered many different challenges that couples face in the domestic discipline lifestyle. We’ve written on everything from inconsistency to what happens when either the HOH or the submissive partner is injured, how to go about domestic discipline in a long distance relationship, and domestic discipline while on vacation – and everything in between.

But today’s post is about a different kind of challenge within domestic discipline, or some might not even call it a challenge at all..more of a crossroads, or the big question of “where do we go from here?”

If you’re brand new to domestic discipline, you may be experiencing the feeling of “okay, we’ve both agreed to start domestic discipline, but now what? What is supposed to happen now? Where do we go from here?” This is a question we get asked from time to time, and we can understand why. It can be tricky to try to navigate the next steps, and can often leave a couple wondering what is supposed to happen next.

You might already know this, but we think it’s important to point out that domestic discipline is not all about punishments. A lot of times a couple gets very hung up on the punishment aspect, wondering if they’re just supposed to sit around until a rule is broken to actually begin practicing domestic discipline, but that’s not the case. You can begin practicing domestic discipline right away, as soon as both parties are on board, and here’s how.

1. Begin to “fall into” your roles. If you’re the HOH, start exercising more authority over areas of your relationship that you feel need improvement, or could be strengthened. If you’re the submissive partner, begin to let go of some of the control you’ve been holding that may have been contributing to the power struggle within your relationship. Then, simply ask yourself or your HOH the question “what makes a good submissive partner?” and begin to include some of those traits into your day to day life. That may be something like making your HOH dinner in the evenings, or something like supporting the decisions your HOH makes without arguing. Keep in mind that it’s important to ease into your roles and set realistic expectations for both you, and your partner.

2. Create a rules list. If you haven’t already done so, this is a crucial step in a domestic discipline relationship. Creating a rules list sets the foundation and creates boundaries within your relationship, and also gives the HOH a better idea of what to punish for when broken, or what to reward for when not. It also gives the submissive partner an idea of where the lines are drawn, and what is and is not going to be tolerated. We recommend sitting down together to make a rules list, but with the HOH having the “final say” on the rules and the prioritization of them.

3. Talk about important domestic discipline topics to figure out where each other stands on them. What types of punishments will be included, or allowed? If you’ll be including spanking as a punishment, will it be over or under the clothing and with what (if any) implements? Are things such as corner time and bedroom time okay, or will they not be used? How will you handle rules that might be broken in public, or when guests are over? If you have children, how do you plan on practicing domestic discipline in a way that they will not notice? This is also a good time to create a plan to prevent inconsistency. Being on the same page about these topics will help domestic discipline to go smoother.

4. Consider a beginner domestic discipline boot camp. A lot of beginner couples choose to start their domestic discipline relationship out with a beginner bootcamp right from the get go. The reason is because the beginner boot camp is designed to really help cement the foundation of your domestic discipline relationship, and also to allow you to go through disciplinary situations before a rule is broken. This helps both parties to get familiar with, and comfortable with certain components like spanking, corner time, lecturing, and more, as well as better acclimate to their roles. It also contains a variety of different homework assignments which are designed to build your domestic discipline foundation.

5. Get involved. One of the biggest challenges that beginners to the lifestyle face is the feeling of being alone, or not having any support in the lifestyle since many do not tell their friends and family right off the bat. Getting involved in the domestic discipline community is a great way to get advice, make friends to help you along this journey, and ask questions. We offer a number of ways to get involved here at Learning Domestic Discipline:

  • Write a Comment and share your experience.
  • Drop us an email. We love meeting new domestic discipline couples and are happy to answer any questions you might have as you navigate this lifestyle.

If you’re new to domestic discipline and wondering where to go from here, we hope these 5 tips help to give you a starting point as to where to go next.

We hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

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