It doesn’t come up often, but every now and then we run into a domestic discipline couple that is put in a very difficult situation. The submissive partner will make a mistake that constitutes a spanking in the mind of their HoH, but the HoH is unable to conduct the spanking in a traditional manner because they…can’t. It may be an out-of-town situation (which we’ve covered on the blog), but the problem we’re referring to is the HoH either being injured, ill, or hospitalized, and they quite literally cannot physically conduct a traditional spanking in the manner they would like to.
There are a lot of moving parts to this situation, and a couple of different options for couples to consider when in this position. This challenge is worth discussing and breaking down, despite it’s rare circumstances. Let’s think about this from the top.
The submissive partner has done something to constitute a spanking while the HoH is nursing an injury, or is hospitalized. Or, another possible scenario is that the couple may have been planning a spanking that evening and the HoH had an accident that afternoon and hurt themselves, rendering them unable to physically conduct the spanking. These are things actively practicing domestic discipline couples don’t usually think about, but things that clearly aren’t out of the realm of possibility.
There are two paths couples can consider taking in this difficult circumstance – 1) “Postpone” the punishment and have a discussion/lecture only until circumstances are back to normal, or 2) find some way, some how, to carry out the punishment anyway. We suppose there is a third option of doing nothing and letting the behavior go without consequence, but that isn’t an option we’d recommend or consider for (hopefully) obvious reasons.
With option (or path) number one, the problem of inconsistency immediately jumps out. We’ve discussed the importance of being consistent with all things domestic discipline, and “postponing” a punishment sends a message of inconsistency, which is not ideal. Yes, the punishment will get done eventually, but the absolute best way to correct a negative behavior is to punish for it as immediately as possible after it happens. Delaying a punishment can also drive a couple (particularly the submissive partner) crazy. Knowing a punishment is forthcoming, but not knowing WHEN it will happen, can carry a heavy emotional burden on a person. When an HoH decides to punish, they need to do so as soon as they possibly can. Maybe that DOES mean the punishment must be postponed, however it’s not recommended to delay a punishment any longer than absolutely necessary.
Another problem with option (or path) number one is that additional infractions from the submissive partner, even if minor, are more likely to occur during the “postponed” period with no threat of immediate consequence. The submissive partner isn’t being immediately held accountable for their actions, thus sending a message that they can get away with things they wouldn’t normally get away with. This isn’t always the case since every couple is different of course, but generally speaking this holds true. Reminders or threats from the HoH can be given, but if the submissive partner knows their HoH is physically unable to hold them accountable for their actions, infractions are going to increase over time.
Option (or path) number one isn’t the option we’d recommend, however it would eventually hold the submissive partner accountable for their actions, making it somewhat effective. It’s an option for couples to consider in this situation.
Option (or path) number two of finding some how some way to conduct the punishment anyway is what we recommend when the HoH is physically limited. But how does the HoH go about this? Again, there are a couple of options to consider with some being better than others.
First, there’s always the idea of a silent spanking. However, the submissive partner may have to conduct a silent spanking on themselves if the HoH is injured and is incapable of doing it, which can present a new set of challenges. Ideally the submissive partner would comply with their HoH’s request, but needless to say that doesn’t always happen. Doing this could create more problems than it fixes if the submissive partner becomes defiant for any reason.
Second, the HoH can exhaust ALL other punishment options to compensate for the inability to spank. Apology letters, removal of privileges, groundings, a list of chores to complete, etc. can act as the consequence to the behavior. However if the offense was a spankable one, chances are none of these punishments will ultimately yield the long-term result the couple is looking for.
Third, the HoH can consider having a trusted acquaintance administer the punishment. Let us be clear – this is not something we recommend, but it IS an option. We plan on writing another post on this topic to break it down even further, but overall we don’t recommend any third party get involved in a couple’s domestic discipline practices. Too much intimacy is involved in punishments, particularly spankings, to allow others to get involved, in our opinion. However with that said, if ALL parties involved (the HoH, the submissive partner, the acquaintance, and the acquaintances’ partner) are comfortable doing this, then it’s something to consider. Even if all parties are comfortable with it, which is extremely rare, we would only consider this option as an absolute LAST resort.
There are a lot of different options to consider when the HoH is unable to physically carry out a punishment. The option we recommend the most is finding some way for the HoH to conduct the punishment despite being injured or hospitalized. We would recommend a silent spanking first, but if that isn’t an option, then we’d recommend using a combination of other punishments to hold the submissive partner accountable for their mistake(s) as quickly as possible after the offense. It’s not an easy situation to be in, but one couples have several options to consider when dealing with and working around the issue.